INTRUDER ALERT!! INTRUDER ALERT!!

Kids, there has been a major security breach here at So.Much.Fun. and I'm not sure how it happened.

Actually that is a lie.  I know EXACTLY how it happened.  But if I tell you I'll be memorializing the act and giving the intruder attention which, if I know this intruder at all, and I do (or did) know him a bit, I suspect that is exactly what he wants.  But its my blog, and I'll do what I want so ... let me start over.

TAKE 2.

Kids, there has been a major security breach here at So.Much.Fun.  The perimeter has been breached and Ryan has found the blog.  Ryan?  Yes, Ryan ... and Ryan = 2x.  2x=Ryan.  So yeah, you see the problem.

I obviously recognized this as a possibility when Dave started his blog and I left comments on it.  But, I thought I was safe for awhile because:

1.  2x doesn't really seem like the blog reading type.

2.  Even if he did read Dave's blog out of some sort of moral obligation I didn't think he'd read the comments. 

3.  Even if he did read the comments, i hoped (with not much optimism) that he wouldn't put K.Michele together with ME and click on it.  This was a stretch ... but I was going with it.

Because ... back when Dave first learned about my blog, I did a bit of self censorship and moved some posts to drafts.  In the end, I came back to it being MY BLOG and decided I didn't need or want to self-censor, particularly with the nick names - I thought I was protecting the innocent well enough so I re-posted all the posts.

When my good friend Dave linked directly to my post mocking his lack of swimming ability I knew that the perimeter was significantly less secure than it had been.  I again considered draft mode BUT, as I said, I knew 2x a bit (once) and figured that:

1.  As soon as he found this site, he'd want to either (a) mock me for it and/0r (b) let me know that he knew that I had a blog.

2.  He'd want to take care of (1) before reading all the back posts ... meaning that if I moved fast I'd have time to delete.

Well, kids I was right about (1) wrong about (2).  RYAN: WHEN DID YOU LEARN SUCH SELF CONTROL???  There was a 24 hour lag between 2x finding the blog and me knowing he found the blog ... so what was written was read.  Whatever.  Its not really that big of a deal.  I mean, I wear my emotions on my face, I'm sure what I wrote wasn't that much of a surprise.  And I did protect the innocent (Unlike someone who once referred to 2x on their blog by his first and LAST NAME which meant that if you googled  it got picked up.  Not that I EVER google exs.  But hypothetically if I had googled I would have found this blog and it would have referenced 2x and his 'new lady.'  And hypothetically, take it from me that if you read on a random blog that your recently exed ex has a 'new lady' it kind of makes you throw up in our mouth a little bit. Or I think it would.  Hypothetically.).   

Anyway, I digress.  The situation is what it is now.  The blog has been found and what is written is read.  And now there is just one more thing to do ... give Ryan a new nickname (per his request).  I don't anticipate him having many more cameos on this blog but I will nonetheless give him a new name.  The initial one's I've come up with were inappropriate for a public, pseudo family friendly blog (and, er, that his girlfriend might read ... talk about security breach! HA!).  So, I'm opening it up to my friendly blog readers ... suggestions are welcome.

But, because I fear there will be no suggestions (which will be disappointing, Dave), I'm going to go with RP for now.

So, for those of you paying attention at home, until further notice:

2x=Ryan=RP.

There.  Now that we've got this security situation under control, you are all free to go about your weekends.  And I, having finally gotten 12 hours of sleep, am going to work out for a million hours to make up for this week's slacking.  Happy Saturday;) 

The next thing I write will be happy, I swear.

I'm tired. Mentally and physically tired. And emotional too. A great combination. Sunday we got home from grandma's around 10:30 and I went to bed at midnight. Monday I couldn't get up to workout and worked out for 1:30 after I got home from work. At nine. And then I made dinner. Tuesday a hockey game got out at the same time as my class and I got home at 11. Last night, our local bar that is closing wouldn't let me in, I got home form dinner and NOT going to the bar at 10 and decided to get in my workout. I finished around 11:30.

So its not surprising that I'm tired, physically or mentally really.

This time of year I always think back four years to when this Friday was April fool's day and my sister pranked me by saying she was pregnant. Except she almost gave me a heart attack and I didn't talk to her for 3 days. That Saturday two of my friends met and hit it off. The first weekend of this month they got engaged. And I only found out today because a third friend (who got married in Costa Rica last year) emailed to announce that he and his wife are expecting a baby so there'd be a one year old at the wedding of the other two friends that got engaged earlier this month. To find out like that made me sad. I know that people fall in love and weed out the relationships that don't matter as much. But you know what? If I had known I wasn't going to matter I wouldn't have given her subway directions to every single interview she went on that fall. I wouldn't have snuck out of work to rehash the interviews with her. I wouldn't have been there. Except I know that is a lie. I'm always there and even if I knew then what I know now, it doesn't mean that I would have mis-directed her to the 1&9. It just makes me sad, that they decided that they just didn't want to be my friend anymore. I think I'm pretty cool. Not a bad person to be friends with ... So yeah, imagine how I react when I find out that ex-boyfriends are getting married. Or when 'real' relationship ends.

And I realize that its silly to be this upset over something that matters so little in the grand scheme of things. So I must be mentally tired. Which is why I am leaving shortly to go shopping. And my next post will be happy. Really. I swear.

What I would have written ...

This is the picture that I took on Saturday for the blog I intended to write last night.  I wanted to call it 'Traditions' and I would have told you about Great-Aunt Angie and how she used to make this pie for seemingly the whole world.  I can remember the first year that Aunt Angie decided that all the pies were just too much and gave my grandmother, her sister, half a pie which left us with barely a bite each.  I guess, when you see 80 come and go, pie for the extended family is a bit much.

I was going to tell you how the year after the year that we only had half a pie, I started a movement for the next generation to learn the recipe.  I was swamped at work, and despite working till early that Saturday morning, made my way to Brooklyn where it turned out, I was the only one of the next generation not to bale.  I didn't really consider being alone with Aunt Angie until, upon my arrival, she gave me the itinerary:  first, we'll have a muffin and some coffee, then we'll make the dough, then we'll eat lunch while the dough sits, then we'll make the pies and then, if you want, we can have dinner.  Um, ok?  So, I'm spending 12 hours with Great Aunt Angie??? I actually made it home for dinner, but the pie IS a day long affair.  I understood why she hesitated to make them for everyone and their brother (literally) because rolling the dough is HARD.

The Easter after my lesson, I made 6 pies all by myself.  It took 6 hours and there was flour EVERYWHERE.  Last year my friend Carrie helped me ... it still took 6 hours but the flour was more contained and it was more fun.  This year, as evidenced by the picture, there were more pies.  When I was waiting at the deli for the supplies to be sliced, the deli guy asked me "what I needed all this stuff for."  When I told him, he said "I didn't think people of your generation did this."  

In the blog I intended to write, I would have told you how I thought back to my day with Aunt Angie and realized that maybe people of my generation don't make pie.  But pie on Easter is a tradition and I want to keep it up ... this year, Carrie and Lisa came over and they each brought a rolling pin.  We ate sushi and drank wine and rolled three pies at a time.  It only took 2.5 hours.  I wanted to sum up with my modern take on the tradition - you don't have to be a stereotypical little old Italian lady to make pie, it doesn't have to take days and days of back breaking dough making, it can be three friends, three rolling pins, some wine, spicy tuna rolls and good conversation.  It can be fun.  And you CAN get pies on Easter ....

Unless, when the phone rings Easter morning its not Grandma asking when you are leaving and when she should put the water for the ravioli on.  Instead its Grandpa saying that Grandma fell and dislocated her shoulder, he called 911 and they're at the hospital.  When they're finally home you begin the hour drive and when you get there you realize that the situation is a disaster.  In one stir of the pot they went from getting by to not.  And in our world of easy fixes, this situation does not have one.  But you realize that even the hard fixes can't happen on Easter night so you put the water on for the ravioli because you have to eat.  And then you realize that you left the pie at home.

Pre Workout Meal (aka, I hope my coach doesn't read this)

Monday was St. Patrick's Day and my mom was marching in the parade with some of her college roommates.  After the parade they were meeting at a bar and we were all invited.  Originally I said no, I had to work and they were meeting at 3 and probably wouldn't be out too late.  Not to mention that I had a swim workout on tap for that evening.  But then it was a nice day, and work wasn't too busy and, well, its not like I'm planning on winning the triathlon ...

So, at 6:30 I was home having had two beers and half a corned beef sandwich.  I was at a loss.  What do people who get home at 6:30 do with themselves (I usually don't get home till 8 and if I workout after work its much later)??  Taking advantage of situation I rested (didn't nap per se, just rested) did some laundry and then figured I may as well head to the pool for the 9pm lap swim.  I have to admit that I was dreading it.  Obviously there was the beer, and the fact that it was scheduled to take an hour and fifteen minutes and I couldn't start till 9 (and my coach has this uncanny ability to know EXACTLY how long something is going to take) but the real issue was that the main set was 7 300s broken by 100 (so you swim 100 yards, rest 10 second, swim 100 yards, rest 10 second, swim 100 yards, rest one minute.  repeat.  seven times).  In my mind that is 21 100s (NOT the way to think of it, btw) and that is mind numbing torture.

But I went, and did it.  And it wasn't that bad.  In fact, it was rather good.  The 100s were all within 10 second of each other (not fast per se, but consistent) and looking forward to the minute rest made the set less tedious.  And the best part?  It only took an hour.  And my coach KNOWS how long it should take.  So the ONLY option here is that I was going super fast.

I think this means that its my obligation as a triathlete to consume two pints of Guinness and half a corned beef sandwich before every event and long training session.  So Sara, I hope you don't mind taking over the driving duties for the races we're doing together;)

Running by the Numbers

ALOT - The number of minutes I spent in the hot shower after my run and the amount of my sadness when I realized that my margarita flavored cliff blocks were just lemon/lime.

10 - The number of miles I ran (actually it was 9.5, but this is my blog, I can round).

9 - The number of minutes left in my run when I decided I might die and was really glad I had my id bracelet on.  This is also when I was outside my boss' apartment complex.  Could have been awkward.

8 - The number of minutes after I finished my run that the sun came out.

7 - The number of minutes left in my run when I decided that I could not wait 7 more minutes to stop and stretch my hip flexors.

6 - The number of cliff blocks I ate.

5 - The number of times I took my long sleeved shirt off/on.

4 - The number of people that beeped, whistled or otherwise talked to me (one guy was just asking for directions).  I know that I don't look stellar when running with a fuel belt, why highlight the fact by beeping/whistling?

3 - The number of times I ran by my apartment. Talk about will power.

2 - The number of times I crossed the light rail tracks and the number of times a light rail was coming.

1 -The number of bags of random abandoned oranges I saw on the ground.

Also, Hammer Gel?  SO MUCH BETTER than gu/powergel.  Try it.  You'll thank me;)

my side of the line (aka, the irish oak)

now i'll admit that i was empowered by the knowledge that you were forbidden to see me.

but then, i was drunk on the fact that you wanted to see me.  and couldn't.

left to our own devices, we would have enforced the edict by dividing the city into quadrants.  each taking a north, a south, an east and a west.

high on the thought of passing at the axis.

but to plan as such, would have defied the edict.

and we were visitors in the familiar midwest city.  at the mercy of our hosts.

so you sent your messenger with your coordinates.  and i abided.  i did not kill the messenger.  i established a perimeter. i vowed to stay away.

i did my part.  and went to the local corner bar.  stayed on my side of the line.

in this game, you are the straight laced rule follower and i am the emotional wild card.  if i was in place, we should have been in compliance.

so it never occurred to me, that if while drinking my drinks in the front window booth i had yelled out your name, you would have heard.

despite your deviation from the plan, we abided by the edict until our groups tired of the night at the exact same time.

to say that my heart did not skip a beat and that my world did not spin would be to lie.

we embraced and muttered speechless mutterings.  we planned our escape to cover up the violation.

when i exited you looked right through me.

i realized then that i was empowered by the knowledge that you were forbidden to see me.

the fact that you wanted to see me but couldn't, or wouldn't, was heart wrenchingly crushing.

but i come back to the irony of us sharing drinks, me in the front bar, you in the back.  despite the edict.

and then, if we were afforded one more conversation i would have used it to discuss the winds of fate that led us there.  i would have expected our theories to be thrilling, captivating, intellectual.

but now, if we were afforded one more conversation, i might decline for fear that without the enchantment it would be pedestrian.  a disappointment. 

There's gonna be a show at the pool tonight.

Don't be late.

In a rush this morning (as every morning, more on my morning issues later. if you're lucky), I couldn't find a 'new' bathing suit and grabbed the see through one. And I didn't shave my legs. And I have to swim tonight.

And you thought Friday night's at the engineering college's pool were lame. Well, that's about to change!

Bacon Doesn't Always Make it Better

I have a book of 30 minute recipes that I've been pretty good about making since the new year.  I haven't repeated a recipe yet and I've made some pretty good things (although, apparently, none that I would want to repeat).  Anyway, tonight's menu included breaded turkey cutlets (I used chicken) and brussels sprouts with bacon and dried cranberries.  I LOVE bacon and cranberries and can even see the two together so I thought I might like the brussels sprouts thrown in there.  Yeah, not so much.  I don't loathe them, but I would never choose them and the bacon cranberry mix was good but didn't really mask the sprouts.

Speaking of food, I'm sure there are some out there that wish they had this problem, but ALL OF MY CLOTHES ARE TOO BIG.  Its becoming a serous.  I'm down to my marathon shape and my work clothes from my marathon days are long gone - I thought I had permanently gone up a size so I phased them out for clothes a size bigger.  So now I have newish clothes that are HUGE.  Like I almost don't need to unbutton my pants to take them off big.  It looks silly but I don't really want to re-replace all my work clothes.  Thoughts?  Its not like I'm not eating (I actually have only lost a few pounds, more a problem of inches).  Ice cream maybe?? What bout beer?  And do we think this is permanent?  Should I by new clothes or ride it out?  Can I keep up this intensity of activity for ever?

Reason No. 846 Why I am an idiot ...

I've been having some issues with my left eye and since I kind of like my left eye I finally called the doctor.  This is how it went:

Receptionist:  May I help you?

Me:  Yes.  I have one eye that is really red and itchy.  Err.  What I mean to say is that one of my two eyes, is really red and itchy.

Brilliant.  But you kind have to wonder if they would have seen me earlier if I hadn't rephrased my issue.

And Sara, it was a reference to your governor.  Not to me, silly!

At least I got a mug (and other random thoughts) ...

The Indoor Tri Championships were Sunday and every participant got a travel mug.  I was seriously very excited about this ... I love traveling with beverages and sometimes you want those beverages to be both hot and not in a plastic cup.  And those mugs are expensive and tend to break, so I take them free when I can.  Not to mention the intimidation factor when I role into the Half IM carrying that mug (it says Indoor Tri Championship on it).  Beyond the mug, the event was fun, I biked a bit faster but ran and swam EXACTLY THE SAME as I did in November.  Considering I was sick, I guess this is okay.  I also didn't come in last, which is always an added bonus:)

I also want to add that its a bit weird, especially if you're in college, to show up to an indoor tri with a personal cheer leader who stands behind you and yells "GO, YOU CAN DO IT!" for 20 minutes while you run on a TREADMILL.  Shouldn't they have been recovering from a wild night out??

In other news, and apropos of nothing, I think we all have people that touch us, that we'll never forget, that we hope to always count as friends (although, it won't always work out that way), that we will always (although, we wish we didn't) compare our boyfriends and mentors to.  They are the truly good ones, the ones we'd do anything for without blinking an eye, the ones we can talk to (verbally or in email) for hours on end ... even if we haven't spoken in weeks or months, the ones we know will go places and do things.  For me, alot of these people are out of sight and sometimes out of mind.  But today, after too long, I was emailing with my good friend Matt (who used to read this blog but doesn't anymore ... something about a wife and daughter keeping him busy, not sure I buy it ... ha, ha) and we were discussing how through our DECADE LONG (dear Lord, how have I had decade long friendships with people I met in college???) friendship we've never had a conversation on the phone.  And yes, thats weird, but I'm grateful for this technological age we live in.  Through email and blogs we (if we're lucky) get to keep up with the people that matter, the good ones, in busy times when we might not otherwise make the effort.  

So while I marveled at the technological age in which we live, I also marveled at the amazing and just plain old solid people that I've been fortunate enough to meet and count among my friends.  Single in the city as I am, I don't have as much in common with a lot of these friends like I once did, maybe someday I'll have a gaggle of kids and a husband and we'll all go on family vacations, but if it doesn't work out like that I think that we'll still remain friends, connected by shared values and experiences.  Many of these experiences have been thrilling and eye opening while others have left me reeling, wondering if I was on track, wondering if I was doing anything that mattered, gasping for air, sobbing, heart broken, lonely but I've learned from them all (maybe more from the sobbing lonely ones than from the thrills) and I don't regret and wouldn't give up a single second of the time I've spent with these friends.  They are special and I consider myself blessed.

Finally, apropos of even less, what goes through your head when you get the call telling you that a wire tap has picked up on your plans to fraternize with a woman for hire?  And who knew that you were allowed to keep accounts with these women so that you could get services with your credit??

Sleep tight, kiddies. 

8 Blocks Round Trip

Today I succumbed to the illness and called the doctor who called the pharmacy with a rx for one of those flu drugs.  Advil wasn't doing it and I WANT to go back to work (new job, what can I say). I called the pharmacy to arrange for delivery and was told that, yeah, no, they don't do that.

Initially I panicked.  Its 4 blocks there and (obviously) 4 back.  There is no parking near the pharmacy and, even if there was, my car is located 2 blocks away, making it not really worth it.  Everyone I knew was at work and wouldn't be home for several hours meaning I had to get there on my own.  By foot.  So I came up with a plan.  And seriously, I think I might have devoted more time to this than my average triathlon.

First:  Pre-pharmacy meal.  I had some left over rice and sweet and sour chicken from the thai place with a lot of water (yeah, I know that its a Friday during lent but I'm SICK).

Second:  Pharmacy-day outfit.  I opted for minimum makeup - just a bit of under eye goop to not alarm random people on the street.  T-shirt and sweatshirt that I've been wearing for the past 2 days (why mess with a good thing?), flex lined wind pants, sneakers, baseball hat (my hair it OUT OF CONTROL), big scarf, hooded jacket, gloves.

Third:  Pharmacy nutrition.  I put water in my bag.  Stuffed my pockets with tissues and ... sport beans in case of any lightheaded-ness along the way.  If you think I"m kidding, I'm not.  Not even a little bit.

And with that plan I made it.  4 blocks there and 4 block back.  And I achieved my goal ... to avoid a DNF.  And post-pharmacy?  I needed a 3 hour nap. Seriously.  This sucks.

8 blocks?  Last Thursday I ran for 1:15 after a long day of work and didn't even give it a second thought.  And today?  Today 8 blocks nearly did me in.  Do people recover from the flu?

Things I don't want to be when I grow up

1.  A water polo player.

2.  A mermaid.

Okay.  But why come to this realization now, you ask?  

Well, first, last Saturday my swimming workout called for 3,350 yards*, 600 of which were "head up swimming, aka water-polo swimming."  Doesn't sound too bad.  I mean many people out there swim with their heads up regularly and water polo players do it while trying to throw and catch and avoid getting the crap beat out of them.  Well, you want to know something?  These people?  They're on crack.  That stuff is SO hard.  Seriously.  I was huffing and puffing and not going very fast and had to talk myself into just ONE MORE FIFTY every single time.  But I did it and realized that yeah, water polo?  Not in my future.  And, I also realized that there is a little muscle or ligament or something in the back of your head where your head meets your neck, and water polo swimming makes it hurt1

Then, the next Monday (that would be two days after the epic Saturday swim, for those of you keeping track at home), my workout called for 300 yards of cross legged swimming.  This might not sound that hard (it didn't sound that hard to me ... could it really be that different than pulling) WELL let me tell you.  That shit is hard.  My legs were at a 90 degree angle to my body and I really thought I was just going to sink.  Straight down to the bottom of the pool.  It made me feel for those people (ahem, dave) that are prone to sinking.  It makes swimming a lot harder.  And with that I realized, that I'd be a really bad, BAD, mermaid.

*Potentially the furthest I've ever swim, and definitely the furthest I've gone since sometime in HS.  ROCKstar;)

I've got a fever ... and advil is like crack

Yeah, sadly not some sort of weird triathlon I can't stop working out fever but a full on flu, stuffy nose, chills, night sweats feeling like you might self combust fever.  And all I've got to say about that is advil/tylenol really is God's gift when it comes to situations like this.  I'll be approaching the four hour mark and feel myself heating up and getting sweaty, I'll pop a few pills and then wait a few minutes and start to cool off.  If I could stay awake long enough I'd probably be amazed at the science behind all this ... but, alas, I keep falling asleep.

Yeah, so this sucks.  I haven't been this sick since sometime in college and I guess I knew it was coming because EVERYONE around me at work is sick, but still I thought I could mind over matter it.  But apparently not.  And I'm going to be REALLY PISSED when I start to workout again and notice the de-provement (is that a word?).  Because I was doing SO WELL.

Arg, maybe at least I'll get a chance to catch up on some of those blog posts that are rattling around in my head.

Stay healthy kids.

Support

I swim at an engineering college.  I'm not sure that this is related to the fact that there are hardly every any boys I'd want to talk to at the pool.  But it might be. 

Tonight was different.

I shared my lane with a cutie.  Additional swimming pool perks were that he was wearing a bike shortish type bathing suit (no banana hammock) and had normal amounts of body hair (unlike the gorilla in the lane next to us).  He was super considerate ... he would go under the lane line to the next lane to get out of my way if he was resting when I was coming in for a flip ... and, since he appeared to be doing 50s on a 4 minute interval he was hanging out often when I came into flip.  I wondered why he was resting so much because he had decent (swimming) technique.  

After awhile, the gorilla got out and cutie moved over to that lane.  I took this opportunity to sneak some glances at cutie and I think I know why he was going so slow ... either he was excited to see me or those bike shortish type bathing suits have no support.  Because it was sticking straight out.  Not aerodynamic at all.  After seeing that, there was no way I could have talked to him (not that I could have said much in my ten, tiny, short second of rest).  I was afraid to stare or worse yet brush against his drag.

After 2500 yards and 3 beers ...

This is sort of how I feel.

I love this sport because of the people it connects. 

Goodnight.

Eastern Force Rep Promises

What?  Yeah, I don't know either.

At my new work, we're having an oscar pool.  This is fine and all but I haven't been to the movies since I was dating 1x.  Its sort of like a thing now, me and the movies.  As if I need more things.  I don't have the time, desire, person to come with me to see most of the nominated movies but ... some of them are on demand.  So I decided that I could watch some of them while I ride my bike. 

Brilliant, you say!  (right?)

Maybe.

I chose my first movie based on the fact that it, Eastern Promises, was only 100 minutes long.  I could watch the first 60 minutes, go to the gym for my run off, and come back and stretch and have a snack for the last 40 minutes.

Perfect.

Except the movie was largely subtitled and the rest was all spoken with a heavy eastern european accent.  And my schedule called for force reps ... and I had to watch the time and cadence and heart rate and I couldn't really focus on the subtitles or the eastern european accents.  And when I got back from my run and thought I might at least get the gist of what happened ... well, it was so gory I couldn't really get beyond the gore.  Some guy was in a parade (or a riot) and stopped to pee on a grave and some big dudes come over and slashed his throat ... basically beheaded him.  And then some other dude was getting the crap beat out of him in a sauna (?) and he was all naked with his parts flopping around while he tried to avoid the knife wielding guys that were trying to kill him (same guys from the cemetery??).

So, yeah.  I might just accept my cultural ignorance and stick to bad tv.

Oh, and force reps?  Don't believe them when they say they tax the legs not the heart rate.  Lies.  All lies!

Life is Good

Happiness is:

• Committing to a share house for the summer.  The beach!  New peeps!
• Feeling yourself get stronger.
• Seeing yourself get stronger.
• Liking your new job.
• Cooking dinner more often than not.
• Realizing the error in your taxes and that you're getting a lot more money back.
• Completing almost all of your workouts in a week.
• Not having to spend your Saturday in a stupid continuing education class.
• Getting a manicure and pedicure.
• Planning your run so that while you stop to get your heart rate in check, you can accomplish an errand.
• Sushi dinner with your sister.
• New tv shows!
• A good massage.
• Taking advantage of a warm spell to run outside.

Happiness is not:

• Completing all of your workouts in a week and worrying that you will be hungry for the rest of your life.  Unable to be full, ever.
• A good massage (ow!).
• Coming out of a good massage to realize the temperature has dropped 20 degrees and you are NOT dressed appropriately.

Sleeping and Eating

I was either sick or hungover (the jury is still out on that one) during my class on Saturday making it particularly awful.  By the time I got back to town it was close to 5 and I was STARVing.  So I picked up some sushi (yes, despite the mercury warnings) and basically inhaled it.  Made my way to the couch and by 6 could not keep my eyes open.  I decided I would take a one hour nap and then workout.  Well, I woke up again at 9:45 and decided to just go to bed and slept straight through until 9 the next day.  When I woke up I was starving again so I made some eggs and potatoes and by the time my sister called, just before 11 to see if I wanted brunch I was STARVING AGAIN so I ate again.  What's with all the sleeping and eating??  

I feel better now.  Despite having spent the day at IKEA.  Argg.

Hope there were good weekends out there!

Goodnight.

To Share or Not to Share?

That is the question.

In other news, I learned tonight that next week is my first BIG week of training?  Dear Lord.  What was this week?  Or last week?  Reading that motivated me to go to the pool in the freezing cold tonight with a slight sore throat ... I'll tell you that. And if I'm motivated to go tomorrow, then I will have gone a whole week without missing one workout.  Sadly, given the fact that my towel and bathing suit are not yet in the wash, its not likely.

Anyway, what do you think?  Share?  Not?

Cryptic much?

Goodnight.

P.S.  If I commit myself there is a long list of people wanting to live in my condo.  So no David, if I finally snap, you can not make my condo into your own personal east coast love shack:)

You and I were (NOT) meant to be together ...

aka, thoughts on morning swim practice

I've accepted that my life and my workouts flow better if I get them done before work.  And given the limits on pool time and the fact that the pool is not in my building I KNOW that it would be a good idea to swim from 6-7 am.  So this morning I got up at 5:30.  I was fully awake, out of bed, went to the bathroom and then COULD NOT HANDLE the thought of putting on a bathing suit and getting into the car, in the dark and swimming for an hour.  So I went back to bed (which was dumb, I should have done something) but whatever, I need sleep too.  And of course, someone in China needed to talk at 9 pm tonight so evening masters and pretty much lap swim was out of the question.  So I have not swam (although I did finally run) and I know that I should have and could have gone before work but ... I just don't think that I want to not drown that badly.  

So yeah, pre dawn swim practice and me?  Not meant to be together!

Also, work is better;)

Help?!?!?!

I think I might be going crazy.

For real.

I mean, I am crazy, obviously, but I think its getting worse. So let me revise:

I think I might be going more crazy.

At my old job, I was a veteran. I kind of knew what I was doing and people were always stopping by to chat. At my new job I AM SUCH A NEWBIE. And I have no friends (yet ...???) ;( I have people that are nice to me, but no one to just chat with.

Its lonely just plodding along working without a clue. Apparently its also tiring because tonight instead of rushing to swimming I came home and sort of napped sort of just laid in bed for TWO HOURS (come on, this is NOT normal) and then got up and went swimming at 10pm (this is why I should NEVER COME HOME - I should go straight there even if it means a cold walk rather than a warm drive home). What.the.fuck?? And then came home and tried to do some work because I do.not like being the NEWBIE and not really being sure I have a clue. I probably could have stayed there all night and still felt that way though ...

So thoughts? Suggestions? Should I commit myself? Does insurance cover me if I commit myself somewhere sunny???

A Prayer for Friday Night at the Gym

At some point, campus ministry at my college collected prayers from students and compiled them in a book that was distributed to everyone on campus. A girl I knew submitted "A Prayer for Friday Night at the Library." I wish I still had the prayer book, but from what I recall the prayer was pretty much what you would expect from the title: asking for strength to go to the library on a Friday night when most people were out or otherwise relaxing. Obviously, no one really wants to go to the library on a Friday night, but sometimes you've got to ... even if you find it slightly depressing, so you go and hope that it pays off when it comes to your gpa.

Except for late work nights, I don't think I have any Friday nights at the library in my future. But I may have some Friday nights at the gym in my future, and to me, there is little more depressing than a Friday night at the gym. It doesn't depress me if others go (I mean really, why would it?) but to me, Friday's are for going out or eating sushi and watching tv. But this week, I backed myself into a corner and the only way out was through the gym. Tonight.

In addition to a new job in the new year, I've hired a coach. I realized that I was wasting my time, piddling around half heartedly with training plans and shelling out money for races that I was not really prepared for ... so I hired someone to do the dirty work. I have a goal race and everything, but for the most part that is a surprise.

Anyway, TEST week coincided with my first week of work. Which was admitedly less than ideal, but because I'm weird and don't like to muddy the waters, I didn't object. But I should have. Its a new job, with new hours and while there admittedly isn't that much work yet, just being there and being on, with people I don't know is exhausting ... add TEST week on top of that and it was almost more than I could handle. It started off ok, I took my swim TEST late Monday night (yup, the first day of my new job) but didn't get home till after 10 which made me late to bed which made an early work out too hard ... so there was a 1 hour run Tuesday night and another late to bed night followed by a bike TEST Wednesday (seriously, time has never moved so slow as during that bike TEST). Thursday should have been another swim but I just could.not.do.it. I was spent. So I made Thursday my rest day and re-ordered the workouts (factoring in an all day CLE class tomorrow - one of five Saturdays of my life that I will never get back - , a house warming party tomorrow night and an awesome concert Sunday night) and that meant I had to do my run test tonight. At the gym. On a Friday.

I got home and fell asleep. I woke up just before 9 and wanted to order sushi, drink a beer and go back to bed. But I couldn't. I had a TEST to take. So I went to the gym. On a Friday. And it was rough. But it was what I had to do. So I did with a little prayer that I wouldn't pass out on the treadmill (I hadn't eaten in hours) and that I'd have the mental fortitude to get through the TEST. And I did. Its done. And hopefully come summer, it'll pay off.

2 Questions; 3 Things

First, two questions (for the guys at the gym):

1. Why do you drink out of the little solo cups? Have you not heard of a water bottle? You seriously refill that little cup after every set ... or is that the point? Is the walk to the water cooler part of your workout?

2. Why do you bring your phone, pda and louis vuitton man-purse with you? You dind't consult any of those devices throughout the workout was it necessary to haul them all the gym (I won't even delver into the murse)?

Three things:

1. New job starts tomorrow.

2. After two weeks of "I just quit my job" eating and drinking, I started working out again. Amazing how working out just for a few days can make you feel like a whole different person.

3. My new year's resolution is to cook more. So far I haven't set anything on fire or made myself ill ...

So yeah, cooking, working out, working ... busy.

Happy '08 kids.

Good Swim

With most things, there are good days and bad. And yesterday, for swimming, it was a good day. Almost.

Good Day
I generally don't even try to keep up with the former NCAA crowd at masters. I cut yards short on a regular basis and its not because I'm slacking, its because keeping up'd be impossible. But last night was a sprint night and I almost kept up. Warm up was 100 each SKIMPS (swim, kick, IM, swim, pull) and I did the whole 500 (except for the fly, which I did free - I haven't butterflied in at least 14 years, I don't really think I need to start now ...). The next set was 10 x 50 starting in the middle of the pool (ie, two flip turns per 50). I was a bit late starting this set because I was late getting into the pool and therefore late finishing the warm up, but I probably did 5-6 of the 50s on the minute, with flip turns (which, my friends, is a current goal for the championships ... he, he)! Then, on to the main set:

8 x 75 on the 1:20 - I did 6 of them, plus 25 yards for each for the two I skipped (I needed to get to the right side of the pool). So 1:20 per 75 is a bit aggresive for me but keeping up with 6 of 8 is respectable I think. Next ...

8 x 50 on the 1:00. Descending 1-4,5-8. Done. Cake. Mostly flip turns. Although, descending might be a figment of my imagination. I pretty consistenly come in right between :45 and :50. Followed by ...

8 x 25 on the :45, easy, spin, easy, all out. Done. Icing. Although, 'spin' is some sort of hyper backstroke that seems like a recipe for aggravating my bulging disks so I did those free somewhere between easy and all out.

Cool down was 200 kick which I replaced with 50 easy because, seriously, I ran 9 miles on Saturday and I hadn't eaten dinner ...

So yeah, a Good Day. If I had gotten there on time, I would have only been 100 yards short in the main set and I could have done the cool down.

Almost
After, in the locker room, we were discussing the outrageous cost of workout suits and how its particularly hard to participate in the on line grab backs if, like me, you don't know what size you wear because the tag has fallen out of your current suit. We were discussing the sizes we were in high school and how those sizes are no longer applicable. The girl that rubs me the wrong way commented that the first suite she bought in her return to swimming was a size 28 because that is what she wore in high school and now she couldn't fit into it. I commented that a 28 was my race suit size in high school so certainly not something I'd be able to fit into at this juncture. And her response ...? "My race suit was a 26 ..." Ok, honey, I'm 8 years older than you, and my two thighs together aren't the size of one of yours ... why must you counter my "yeah, there is no way I could fit into that suit either" with "I wore a smaller size than you in high school"? Because really, we've all been to the swim meet where the girl that wore a size 34 in practice thought that size 26 would help her win the race. And seriously, it was.not.pretty.

But yeah,
I complain about her, but I find her more amusing than truly annoying, which is good. In fact, I've been in a strangely good mood lately, so its hard to get me down. I even nailed my treadmill speed workout tonight (another goal, my friends), although it damn near killed me. Oooofff.

G'night.

Rock Star

aka, A 15 K.

aka, I think I'm almost back.

In answer to the question, yes. It is crazy to get up earlyish and pay $25 to run 9ish miles in the freezing cold. But, it is fun (for me) to know that I'm slowly starting to get my pre-marathon speed back. My smart friend Dave once told me that you had to run fast to get fast (ie, speed work). I wasn't sure if I believed him, but I've been trying it and it seems, perhaps to be working. So, before the marathon I generally ran between 9 and 10 mpm. Since the marathon its been more liked between 10 and 11 mpm. Yesterday, I ran 9ish miles when I should have been on an 8 mile long run in preparation for a late January 1/2 marathon, which is to say that I wasn't rested or racing, per se. Yet my splits were: 10:10; 9:57 ;10:21 ;10:14; 9:59; 12:28 (bathroom) ;10:13 ;11:14 (walked up a hill that I couldn't bear to run up twice in one day); and 10:07. Most of those splits are much, much closer to 10 than any other number.

So, yeah, pretty much I'm a rock star;)

A few things, though. On mile 7, running up the hill, I really thought I was going to hurl. I think it was low blood sugar (I forgot my gels). I wonder if its weird that having nothing in my stomach makes me want to hurl? Yesterday, under my right knee cap hurt. Alot. Whenever I bent my leg. Its better today. But, I hope that this isn't a new ailment. A new sign of getting old. And today, my legs, or more specifically my IT Bands, especially the right one ARE SO SORE. Is it maybe not a good idea to run 9 miles (when you should be running 8) in the freezing cold and then, after brunch and driving home, crawl up in the bed for the rest of the day without stretching? I might be on to something there;) I think there is some foam rolling in my future!

Question?

Is it crazy to wake up early(ish, for a Saturday), drive into the city and pay $25 to run 9 miles with weather that 'feels like' 22 degrees?

Answer to come in 9-12 hours.

Mission Accomplished

Well, sort of.

The mission that I have accepted for the next few weeks/months is to do speed work on the treadmill and work on my flip turns. Tuesday morning saw speedwork on the treadmill (4 x 800 meters at 8:40ish mpm) and tonight saw, I'd say 60% flip turns at the pool. I think that I don't get a full breath when I breath in the pool which is why its hard for me to flip turn - I'm oxygen deprived to begin with so its hard to go the extra period of time without breathing. I'll have to focus on that whole breathing thing for the next few weeks. I think its just a matter of getting rid of all the air before I try to take more air in.

Speaking of swimming, there is a girl there that kind of rubs me the wrong way, and tonight she commented that she was glad I came because she wasn't the slowest one. Gee, thanks. I should have thrown down my invite to the championship;)

In other news, I went to yoga on Monday night for the first time in forever and I have apparently lost all core strength because my abs and arms and hamstrings are very, very sore.

Finally, I got a job offer today and it has stressed me out beyond belief. Argh. I am maybe one of the only people stressed out because they have a job offer. But, this means that now I have to make a decision. I repeat: argh.

Goodnight.

Break My Heart

Or: Boys Suck.

Seriously. A boy made my sister sad and it breaks my heart. They're young, and on many levels it qualifies as 'not a big deal.' But still, I wish I could make it go away. And now she contemplating being his 'friend' because, while not ready for a 'relationship' he'd like a friend. WTF?

This is reason number 842 why I may very well be single forever!

I AM A CHAMPION

Dork. A champion dork. But I am also going to a championship. In an effort to disclaim my dorkiness, I'll point out that I have little to no athletic ability, particularly in sports that involve eye hand coordination. Growing up I was always the one to make the last out of the game, I was not the one to be invited to participate in championships of any nature. Triathlon appeals to me because I can compete against myself, improving race to race and while I might disappoint myself I won't let the team down. And really, so long as I have no expectations of coming in first I'm not very likely to disappoint myself ... I mean, really, my goal is generally to just finish - if I fall short of that I likely have bigger issues.

So, last Sunday, I participated in an in door triathlon. Each participant swam for 10 minutes, biked on a spinning bike for 30 minutes and ran on a treadmill for 20 minutes. You were scored by distance travelled and there was some mathematical curve to determine what place you came in. There are four of these races - one a month for four months and the top 10 females and males from each event go to the championships in March.

Guess whose going to the championships?? Yup. I was the 6th female finisher. Ha, ha. I am excited and amused. I've NEVER been to a championship! Until March I am going to work on my flip turns and treadmill speed work. It seems that those would be the easiest ways to improve my odds. If I come in top 3 (which I won't ... but if I did) there is a gift certificate to a very cool store on the line.

Go me!

But for the grace of God.

A good friend suggested that I read Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. If you haven't read it, you should. And if you're going to read it, you might not want to read this post. But really, you can, the book's not a cliff hanger.

Anyway, I read it. And it resonated. There is a scene where Elizabeth, in her young thirties is trapped, TRAPPED in a marriage. At night she crawls up on the bathroom floor and cries. She's well off and not abused in any way but she's in this relationship that she wants to escape and she can't. So she hides in the bathroom and cries. I read this, and I realized how easily it could have been me. In a heart beat almost ... there, but for the grace of God, go I. If they, any of them, hadn't had the strength to walk away when they did it could have been me, there, crying on the bathroom floor. And I'm not sure that I would have had the strength to get up off the bathroom floor, much less out of the relationship.

Sometimes I get caught up in the race to the alter, but I read about her on the bathroom floor and I realized that I'd much rather be here than there. Of course this doesn't change the fact that if I get married I think my mother might shave her head as an offering*...but it helps. I have not read the Secret because I don't think I'd buy in, but E, P, L made me want to take control of my life ... and while I may not buy into the Secret, I do maybe buy into the power of positive thinking because since I've decided to embrace life and thank God that I'm not crying on the bathroom floor things have been good.

Sometimes I think that you need to begin a new year, read a good book and put your mind to good and what follows is So.Much.Fun. Or so we hope. Details will follow I'm sure, but for now, you should all E, P, L.


*There is a story in the book about an Indian girl in her late twenties that gets married. The girl's mother is so thankful that she's finally getting married that she shaves her head as an offering to the Gods.

Fun Stories

Kiddies, where has the time gone? For awhile now these posts have been floating around in my head, they come to me at the strangest times, but they never actually make it to the blog. So, its time to catch up. Because I'm in a Weird Mood, I'll offer you a TOC (table of contents for those of you not in the know):

• I am a master swimmer.



• My eyes are pink.



• I saved some dude's life.



• Some random dude violated my bike seat.



• My hair is auburn.



• Sara met my imaginary friends.



• Life is good.

Are you ready ...? Here we go.

1. I am a master swimmer. I'm pretty sure I suffer from athletically induced anxiety. I've been swimming for while, and except for when I suffer from wet suit induced claustrophobia, I'm fairly confident that I won't drown and that I don't look like TOO MUCH of a fool. I'm fine showing up for lap swim and doing my thing. I have a few good workouts from the class with the hottie coach ... but, its kind of boring, and I know I cheat (taking extra rest, etc.) plus, over the summer, I got used to being the only one in the lane. Now that summer is over people who are doing a different workout show up to get in my lane and it kinda drives me crazy.

So, for awhile I was thinking about becoming a Master Swimmer but the thought kind of made me want to vomit. It shouldn't. I'm fine. Not awesome but fine and I swam in high school so I can read a swim set, I can circle swim, I can look like I belong ... until I was revealed as the slowest, or the girl who can't swim butterfly or ... I realized I was being crazy ... so, after a lot of self encouragement and befriending another girl who claimed to have never swam in the olympics, I went.

And ... ?

I really like it. The coach isn't awesome (no form advice) and I'm usually (but not always) the slowest and I sometimes still freak out if I'm going to swim and I know Megan isn't going to be there ... but, so far I haven't gotten there, looked in the pool window and then decided to leave and I don't cheat, and it costs more so I force myself to go twice a week and I either get my own lane or share one with someone doing the same workout and when you swim more you get better. Funny how that works.

The problem is that after my first Masters Swimming workout ...

2. My eyes were pink. And, after a plethora of eye drops that maybe shouldn't be combined they were still pink and itchy and goopy. Yum. When my co-workers found out I had pink eye they freaked out and insisted I stay home. So I did. For a week. Which was maybe over kill but ... you can never be too careful. And my week? It was awesome. I did some work but I also spent some time laying on the couch reading. I could get used to that life!

Surrounding the pink eye incident I went on two bike rides (funny, similar to swimming, when you ride your bike you get better at it. crazy, i know) and ...

3. I saved some dude's life. I was in a park, with the tri club. The middle part of the park was technically closed but we hopped the fence on our end and rode through to the chain indicating it was closed coming from the other direction. We were resting, discussing and planning when this guy on a mountain bike game zooming down the hill and showed NO SIGNS OF STOPPING at the chain ... I swear this happened in slow motion and we all JUST STOOD THERE and realized that this guy was going to go head over heels over this chain off his bike and a not slow speed. I was the only girl and in the nick of time I said (this is exact):

oh, oh, oh STOP, STOP!!!

And somehow, he slammed on the breaks and jumped off the bike JUST IN TIME. And declared that I saved his life. And kind of, I did.

4. Some random dude violated my bike seat. The next weekend, I slept through the tri club ride and decided to take the ferry into the city and ride in Central Park. I propped my bike against the little ferry house and was standing near it, waiting for the ferry when some random guy came up to my bike, said nothing and squeezed its seat. I kind of felt like he was squeezing my seat. It was weird. Who does that?

5. My hair is auburn.


Not the best picture, but what do you think? It was hard to get used to ... I would see my reflection and not know who I was. But now that I'm used to it I like it. And, in case you were wondering, like all major decisions (buying a bike, a condo) I did it spur of the moment ...

6. Sara met my imaginary friends. I admit it. I am a stalker of blogs. I can't help it. But I'm harmless. I consider my victims my imaginary friends. So imagine my surprise when the other day, I checked a blog and my worlds collided. Sara had gone on a bike ride with some girl whose blog I read. Sara met my imaginary friends! And I've got to admit I'm kind of jealous.

7. Life is good. Busy but good. On mostly all fronts (except, perhaps for the looming birthday front ... I'm OLD). For now, I'll leave it at that.

I'll try to be better at updating to avoid these epic posts.

Happy Halloween!!

P.S. A million years ago today, I went on my first date. Weird, right?

Do you want these leg warmers?

Seriously? Is this really necessary?

There is a 10 ton gorilla in my life.

I wanted to tell him that we could talk without discussing what happened. We could touch on any of the other infinite topics that we've floated on and over before. But really we can't because what happened would remain out there, undiscussed, just beyond our reach and our comfort level making all the other topics seem trite and he would know that we were discussing the triteness to avoid discussing what happened.

Moving on, I thought I might ask the question that if answered would tell me everything I need to know. But if the answer is yes and not no, there will be nothing left to discuss which will mean the end of us. Of this. And I'm not ready for that. Although I expect it at every turn. I expect the answer to reveal itself without the question being asked and I expect the answer to be yes and I know that would be the end. Or I expect the undiscussable to become too much to hurdle, and this will slowly go away without us knowing why or how.

I expect the end, but I'm not ready. So I said nothing, asked nothing and woke up hungover with a vague sense of regret and of opportunities lost and of having to dry my hair for a date. I'm gearing up for the date but I don't want false friendly. I want to ask the question and I want the answer to be no. I want to discuss what happened and decide that this is the beginning of us, the continuation of this, the end of nothing. I want comfortable and easy not forced and contrived. Instead, I'm getting a drink with a guy named Fred. Poor, Fred.

How I got my HICKEY

(aka, Another Triathlon)

The Swim (42:56)

Welcome back kids. We left off with my less than aggressive swim start, which may or may not be something to work on for next year and the theme of the day was "bad things happen when you wake up at 4:30 in the morning."

The race started rather uneventfully, due to my race placement, there was very little contact that I was not initiating. And I don't initiate much contact. When I sense I'm coming up on another person I draft while I can and then politely swim around them. The only person that I did initiate contact with was some chick who was swimming perpendicular to the shore. And, um, the race was parallel to the shore. I felt it was my civic duty to reorient her. Although, she seemed displeased. Next time I'll let her swim to Portugal.

So, I was swimming along when I realized a bad thing: I didn't start my watch. Rather than recording some random partial swim time I decided to press on without stopping to start my watch. One of the best things about this swim course is that I prefer to breath to the left and the buoys were always on our left so I always knew when one was near. I got to the first buoy quickly and realized a bad thing: I had no idea how many buoys there were. And I like to count them to gage my progress. Ugg. I wanted to go back to bed. But still I pressed on and by the second buoy was fairly certain that we had one more round buoy and then a triangular turn around buoy. Knowing this calmed my inner OCD. There was a bit of congestion at the triangular "turn here" buoy (and this is where the super fast people from the wave behind me were fast approaching so I was eager to "turn here" and get out of their way) but I got around it and the next turn buoy and started to head home. It was on this trip home that I realized I still had a long time left in the water. Bad thing: have you ever been in an endless pool? Me neither. But, imagine that the return swim was similar to swimming in an endless pool. With a blind fold on. Because the current was against us and the sun was directly in our eyes. And in an effort to not let the waves push me to shore (which I couldn't see because I was breathing to the left per my preference and to avoid staring straight into the glaring sun) I wound up WAY off course, like almost getting hit by on coming swimmers off course, but I readjusted and pressed on some more and assumed I was sort of going the right way, and eventually it was over. Of course, long before it was over, while I was seemingly swimming in place I noticed that my neck was getting a bit tingly, and then it was sort of hot, and then it was freaking on fire hurting like a MF'er. And now I have a wet suit hickey. And its huge and it still hurts. But I still love the new guy - just need to lube up better next time;)

Getting out of the water (I made a really funny face) I had no accurate time because I failed to start my watch, but I knew the real time was just passed 7:30 and I knew that I wanted this to be closer to 7:15 than 7:30. I obviously wasn't thrilled with this extra time, but considering the sun and the current and my detour I accepted it (also, I'm not sure what the other options might have been).

Note for next year: tinted goggles; lots of body glide.

T1 (4:16).

Putting on a wetsuit sucks. But generally you can take your time. Taking off a wetsuit in a hurry sucks infinitely more than putting on a wetsuit with no time constraints. But I managed. Last transition I didn't put my helmet on tightly enough and had to stop mid race to fix it. This time I put my helmet on properly, put on a little jackety thing (it was chilly) and left thinking everything was in order. Bad thing: Of course I failed to velcro one of my shoe's velcros and it made a weird noise the whole time. I know its early and the adrenaline is pumping but I've got to pay more attention here.

The Bike (1:38:41)
So.Much.Fun.

Seriously. I'm not fast. And sort of I'm not sure I want to be (its kind of scary) but this was So.Much.Fun. Like a roller coaster fun. The up hills were definitely up, but manageable and the downhills were THE FUNNEST. I even went 27.9 mph for awhile which is the fastest I've ever gone ... and I really wanted to go 28 mph but I was too afraid to shift my weight or do anything else to go faster because that same movement might have made me fall and despite being THE FUNNEST it was still TERRIFYING. Seriously. Shortly after this, I had an ah ha! moment. SBR (the store) Swim, Bike, Run. I am so SMRT.

So that was the bike, I rode, I ate, I drank (bad thing: although not enough, I went camelback again, but there was a crick in the hose thingy and it was hard to get water out and I like ALOT of water when I ride; next time), I figured out what SBR stands for and I finished the course.

T2 (3:19)

This could have been faster. But I had a lot of water to drink. I was parched. Or as some would say, perched.

The Run (1:06:45)

This was advertised as Flat, Fast and Fun. It was flat and I had fun. Lets leave it at that. I ran all but the rest stops which was my goal and I finished which was The Goal. Towards the end I tried to repeat "Flat, Fast and Fun" in my head and I could.not.do.it. I started thinking I was suffering from over exhaustion. It kept coming out "Fat, Flast and Fun" and at first I couldn't even tell why that was wrong (but I knew it was) and then there was another ah ha! moment when I realized what it was supposed to be. But I still couldn't say it right. Until the very end when I got it out in my head: "Flat, Fast and Fun." I finished happily knowing that I was not going crazy.

So that was that (Overall: 672/733; AG: 45/55). Not winning anytime soon. But it was So.Much.Fun. Or at least, once I got home and took a shower I realized that it was;) Monday I was sore but by Tuesday I was working out again ... slowly, but still getting out there.

And next ...? We'll see. Probably a practice tri with Susan in two weeks and then I have some other ideas but I want to see how the winter goes. I have a quasi leadership position with the local tri team so I want to go to more of their workouts and see where I am come February. I think I definitely want an early, early season race for winter motivation, but that is as much as I know for certain.

More later kids. Thanks for reading;)

I have a huge HICKEY!

Bad things might happen if you wake up at 4:30 in the morning.

So yeah, I have a hickey. A huge hickey on my neck. It hurts like a bitch, but I'm kind of proud of it. In fact today, at work, I wore my hair up so everyone would see it. Its from my new love. I got rid of the old guy because it was just too small, and as it turns out, size does matter. So I upgraded to a bigger and better model, and I tell you, a little bit bigger made a world of difference in my swim. Swim? Yes, swim, my new WETSUIT, made a world of difference in my swim. What did you think I was talking about ...?

Anyway, get your mind out of the gutter ...

This past weekend was possibly my final tri of the season (sort of, there might be one more informal, impromptu one, but for all intents and purposes it was the final tri of the season). The water was going to be cold enough that most people would be wearing wetsuits, and since we've established that my old wetsuit was the cause of most of my open water issues I decided to upgrade. I went to a store and paid full price for this guy. I even had a wetsuit expert of sorts helping me. It was interesting. I tried on three suits (which I really don't recommend. ever. it was perhaps expected that i would be sweating profusely by the time I put the third suit on, but my hands? they were sooo sore ... almost more sore than the rest of my body today, after the tri ... and rubbed raw in two places that i apparently over used in an attempt to not rip the wetsuit) and my expert friend determined that my old guy was in fact too small. He initially thought I should get (and I really wanted to get) this cool women's specific model because it had pretty pink accents. But, I am apparently not women's specific enough (or as the expert guy said "its kind of big in the chest") so I wound up with the cheapest blue 70 wetsuit in a size S/M. It seemed like it would work, but I wanted to try it once before jumping into the water Sunday morning.

You call this calm?

Sara and I made it to the race sight around 2 o'clock on Saturday. The race had a day before pick up and was 2.5 hours from our homes so we had to travel the day before. The plan was to go straight to the race sight so that one or both of us could go for a pre-race swim. But this purportedly calm bay water was choppy and not welcoming at all. I did not want to put Sara in a position to have to save me if I drowned so I decided to forgo the swim. So yeah, good things don't happen when they revolve around a 4:30 am wake up. Fortunately, we had 16 hours for the wind to die down.

You call this a football game?

After packet pick up we headed to the hotel (much, much nicer than the extended stay america which is what all triathlon weekend hotels will forever be compared to) and settled in to watch our college team play football. So.not.fun. I have never played football in my life but I think I could have played better than our team. At half time I couldn't take it anymore so we decided to watch the rest of the game from a bar while we ate dinner. Yeah, the game was so depressing that the bartender refused to put it on. Needless to say we lost.

Your oatmeal is exploding ...

Pre race nutrition did not go smoothly in room 32. Sara's oatmeal exploded and she opted for a granola bar. I forgot to get the ultra-fuel that I usually drink pre race with a cliff bar. I substituted gatorade which tasted much better but probably had 1/5 of the calories.

Does anyone have a flashlight?

It was DARK when we arrived back at the race sight. So dark that we couldn't tell if the water had calmed down. Many people brought flashlights and running head lamp things. Not us. Next time. I scored a key end spot in transition and set up my spot ... I spent a fair amount of time making sure that my front wheel that needs to come off when I transport my bike was on properly and the brakes were not rubbing. I kind of suspect they were rubbing in the last tri and was hoping for a more enjoyable bike this time around.

The hour or so before that start went quickly. Long port-a-pottie lines and tedious wet suit shimmying made the time fly I guess. Some random girl asked me to help her apply copious amounts of body glide to her neck. If only I had asked her to return the favor.

I'm not even showered this early on a work day ...

Our wave went off at 6:44 am. Dear lord. This was my fist in water start where I couldn't stand and my first time getting the new wetsuit wet. With the old wetsuit I never felt that it added that much buoyancy. But this thing ... it was like wearing swimmies. Just bobbing along waiting to be told to start. I probably could have positioned myself up a bit more if I kept my off to the side position. But given my typical under trained not in it to win it state I hung back ... next year with a bit more confidence I'm going to try some more aggressive swim placement. Maybe.

[to be continued ... among other things, i'm waiting on official times, i'm sure they'll be impressive]

I tried ...

... to be mean. To be offered the opportunity to explain that I am not what he made me look like and feel like. I am not that person (other than when he puts me in a position where I can not help but be that person - and i'm not usually the person that gets put in the position where she has to be someone else). But, there were mind games and twisted words and we wound up where we are and I don't want to be here so I tried to be mean so that I would be offered the opportunity to explain the thoughts and feelings of how I got here without having to be someone who explains thoughts and feeling unsolicited.

But at the end of the day, or more accurately the week, of trying to be mean and cold in hopes of being offered the opportunity to explain why and how, I was stuck between a rock and hard place and I chose to stop being mean and cold because I needed to get through the day. I broke the quasi email silence and I told him why it was the worst day of the worst week ever. And he offered words that distracted me which was what I needed. And then, at the end of the worst day in the worst week ever I met him at the bar and had 4 beers on an empty stomach and it made the worst day in the worst week ever seem not that bad. And it lessened my resolve. And it made me think that maybe even if he made me feel like 'that' girl I still might need a bit of his distraction and levity. And maybe, maybe that's okay. At least until monday.

I wonder ...

If I'm obsessing over the situation because of my Catholic guilt or because I really give a shit about the situation.

If my swim tonight was so hard because all ate all day was a bowl of cereal and a piece of pizza. Allergies making me not want to eat coupled with trying to get in shape to finish the triathlon in 3 weeks is a rough combination.

If the magic 8 ball really knows what it is talking about.

If the situation is going to come to a conclusion one way or another (see, I am so obsessed). Uggg.

Sliding in Under a Month

I don't think you're a bad blogger required to offer apologies to the one person who reads your blog until you let more than a month go by.

The thing is that there is not that much to say. I've been trying to let my neck/back/disk injury recovery so training has been so so to say the least. I was away for a week which was awesome, but too short. I showed poor judgement around a boy and it is making me sad, but the hair dresser told me so ... and I went out last night with people I haven't seen in while and had fun. And tonight I'm having dinner with two college friends so I'm trying to get unsad. We'll see.

That's really all for now. I just wanted to say hi. I'll post a fun post when I'm not trying so hard to not obsess over the stupid boy.

Later, kids.

Its not me, its ...

The Wetsuit ...

First, two weekends ago, olympic triathlon. Going into this, I was worried. Very, very worried. Not only was I undertrained, I was injured. Shoulder, neck painful injury had reappeared accompanied by symptoms of a pinched nerve. Awesome. I consulted the chiro who told me that participating (I don't compete, I participate) would do no permanent injury but could lead to a "painful flare up." Super. I didn't want to not start, but I also didn't want to not finish. I decided to go to swimming (with the cutie coach) the Thursday before and if I made it through that I would try the tri (drowning would be the worst way to not finish). And I made it through the swimming work out so we were off ...

[as an aside, I'm the fastest swimmer in the class. I've never been the best at anything athletic and while i know my fastness is more of a statement on the other people's slowness, i really enjoy it! if only i could get over my constant state of flusteredness when cutie coach is around, I'd enjoy it even more!]

Anyway, made it to the race site, met up with friend Susan who was doing the Sprint as her first tri and waited for Triathlon Friend (who, going forward, we'll call Sara) and her husband, Scott. Followed S&S to the hotel and knew, right away that this was going to be much better than last year's Danskin Sprint because we were NOT at the Extended Stay America, thank you very much.

After dinner and ice cream I thought I'd be ready for bed but there was much tossing and turning and then 5 am was upon us. To the race site we went. And they decided that there was not room in the BIG FIELD that was serving as a parking lot for my cute little car. Awesome. I was exiled to the cricket field with no friends to help with my gear. Being single sucks.

Usual pre-race stuff. No time for a warm-up. Too warm for a wet-suit ... and:

The Swim
36:11

It rocked. I was not nervous or claustrophobic or anything. Got in to a rhythm, avoided being beat up to the first buoy after which I got next to the buoys for the crew meets and it was basically like swimming in a pool (these little buoys were every few feet so if you got to the wrong side of them you knew you were off course) and I just SWAM. Freestyle. No freaking out ... even when the lead people from the two waves behind me swam OVER me.

The Bike
1:37:20

Um, maybe I should have ridden my bike more than twice in the past month? But I was injured ... so I didn't. And boy did it show. Awful. No fun. Never felt like I was just cruising. Windy. And, didn't let my HR settle down. Whatev. Next time, kids. Next time.

The Run
1:08:37

This was actually better than the time indicates. I ran almost the whole way and felt decent. But my legs were fried from the bike.

So there you have it. Given my undertrained status, I was pretty happy to walk away knowing that its not me, its the wetsuit. I think that barring any unforeseen circumstances and some quality time with my wetsuit I will see much improvement in the next oly ...

The Hormones ...

Next, last week, why did this race report take so long? Because last week sucked. PMS would have been an understatement and ALL I wanted to do was crawl up in a ball and wake up 10 days later. Those of you who managed to avoid me last week should be grateful!

Them ...

Finally, there are reasons why I don't go to certain parts of the Jersey Shore. Sometimes I forget those reasons and go anyway. This weekend I remembered those reasons and I won't be back for a long time!

Very excited to stay in town this weekend. Looking forward to a hair cut, some training and some new babies to visit ...

Later, kids.

A race picture that doesn't suck!

Here you go! Not bad ... especially if you manage not to look at the time. Its form the race that I started 13 minutes late so that time is not nearly as bad as it appears ... not great, but not awful either. Kind of like the date I had on Tuesday ... not great, but not awful either. Just thought I'd slip that in there.

So, my back/arm/shoulder/neck are hurting again. I'm worried that I have a pinched nerve. And I have swimming tonight. And the oly on Sunday. I can't decide it I should call it now or try to swim tonight and then make a decision. But my right ring finger is tingly which I imagine can't be good ... ugg.

Happenings

I signed up for an 8 week swim class with one of the local tri clubs and, based on people in attendance on the first day, I am the fastest one in the class. This might not be good for my development as a swimmer ... but it has done wonders for my self esteem. Sadly there are no cute boys in the class (other than the coach ...).

I was not, however, anywhere near the fastest runner in Saturday's 10-K. Arriving 13 minutes late and having to start AFTER they took away the starting mats (ie, not getting those 13 minutes deducted from my net time) made me look even slower than I already am. I finished at about 10:30 pace which is comfortable right now. In fact Tuesday night I went on a 6 mile run that felt A.M.A.zing (albeit very hot and sticky) at about the same pace.

Having resumed physical activity I find myself constantly ravenous. I'm trying to wait until 1 to eat lunch and I'm not sure I'm going to make it ...

This weekend is the oly tri that I am dreading. I think my mantra is going to be "slow and steady." And of course "don't drown."

I also might have a date this Wednesday. I haven't had a date in a million years and I'm not sure that I remember how to be fun and flirty. I'll try to update re: date before the tri so that you'll know how it goes just in case I do in fact drown!

I am so proud of myself!

32 miles biked. Alone. Done. It was great (well except for the part where I fell over and then almost fell over again but we won't talk about that now). The hills killed me though - funny how I rode 100 flat miles one month ago and it was doable and today 32 hilly miles damn near did me in.

Anyway, now whatever else I do today is justified! Go me;)

Anyone else?

If you're having a baby, or had a baby, or just found a boyfriend or a girlfriend or made an existing girlfriend or boyfriend your fiance, I'm happy for you. I am. But you should wait because 800 people have made this announcement to me in the last 10 days and I'm all out of love. I'm so lost without you ... Oh wait. That's not me. That's air supply.

Anyway, sometimes its enough ... ya know?

Good news is that I'm still in love with the apartment, I've been so good about not buying clothes (although I really, really needed a present today) and my back seems to be better. I'm going bike riding tomorrow. I am. For a long time. And I'm signing up for a swimming class and maybe practicing my swimming tomorrow. And I really, really want to run a fall marathon.

So there. That's my news kids;)