I tried ...

... to be mean. To be offered the opportunity to explain that I am not what he made me look like and feel like. I am not that person (other than when he puts me in a position where I can not help but be that person - and i'm not usually the person that gets put in the position where she has to be someone else). But, there were mind games and twisted words and we wound up where we are and I don't want to be here so I tried to be mean so that I would be offered the opportunity to explain the thoughts and feelings of how I got here without having to be someone who explains thoughts and feeling unsolicited.

But at the end of the day, or more accurately the week, of trying to be mean and cold in hopes of being offered the opportunity to explain why and how, I was stuck between a rock and hard place and I chose to stop being mean and cold because I needed to get through the day. I broke the quasi email silence and I told him why it was the worst day of the worst week ever. And he offered words that distracted me which was what I needed. And then, at the end of the worst day in the worst week ever I met him at the bar and had 4 beers on an empty stomach and it made the worst day in the worst week ever seem not that bad. And it lessened my resolve. And it made me think that maybe even if he made me feel like 'that' girl I still might need a bit of his distraction and levity. And maybe, maybe that's okay. At least until monday.