How I got my HICKEY

(aka, Another Triathlon)

The Swim (42:56)

Welcome back kids. We left off with my less than aggressive swim start, which may or may not be something to work on for next year and the theme of the day was "bad things happen when you wake up at 4:30 in the morning."

The race started rather uneventfully, due to my race placement, there was very little contact that I was not initiating. And I don't initiate much contact. When I sense I'm coming up on another person I draft while I can and then politely swim around them. The only person that I did initiate contact with was some chick who was swimming perpendicular to the shore. And, um, the race was parallel to the shore. I felt it was my civic duty to reorient her. Although, she seemed displeased. Next time I'll let her swim to Portugal.

So, I was swimming along when I realized a bad thing: I didn't start my watch. Rather than recording some random partial swim time I decided to press on without stopping to start my watch. One of the best things about this swim course is that I prefer to breath to the left and the buoys were always on our left so I always knew when one was near. I got to the first buoy quickly and realized a bad thing: I had no idea how many buoys there were. And I like to count them to gage my progress. Ugg. I wanted to go back to bed. But still I pressed on and by the second buoy was fairly certain that we had one more round buoy and then a triangular turn around buoy. Knowing this calmed my inner OCD. There was a bit of congestion at the triangular "turn here" buoy (and this is where the super fast people from the wave behind me were fast approaching so I was eager to "turn here" and get out of their way) but I got around it and the next turn buoy and started to head home. It was on this trip home that I realized I still had a long time left in the water. Bad thing: have you ever been in an endless pool? Me neither. But, imagine that the return swim was similar to swimming in an endless pool. With a blind fold on. Because the current was against us and the sun was directly in our eyes. And in an effort to not let the waves push me to shore (which I couldn't see because I was breathing to the left per my preference and to avoid staring straight into the glaring sun) I wound up WAY off course, like almost getting hit by on coming swimmers off course, but I readjusted and pressed on some more and assumed I was sort of going the right way, and eventually it was over. Of course, long before it was over, while I was seemingly swimming in place I noticed that my neck was getting a bit tingly, and then it was sort of hot, and then it was freaking on fire hurting like a MF'er. And now I have a wet suit hickey. And its huge and it still hurts. But I still love the new guy - just need to lube up better next time;)

Getting out of the water (I made a really funny face) I had no accurate time because I failed to start my watch, but I knew the real time was just passed 7:30 and I knew that I wanted this to be closer to 7:15 than 7:30. I obviously wasn't thrilled with this extra time, but considering the sun and the current and my detour I accepted it (also, I'm not sure what the other options might have been).

Note for next year: tinted goggles; lots of body glide.

T1 (4:16).

Putting on a wetsuit sucks. But generally you can take your time. Taking off a wetsuit in a hurry sucks infinitely more than putting on a wetsuit with no time constraints. But I managed. Last transition I didn't put my helmet on tightly enough and had to stop mid race to fix it. This time I put my helmet on properly, put on a little jackety thing (it was chilly) and left thinking everything was in order. Bad thing: Of course I failed to velcro one of my shoe's velcros and it made a weird noise the whole time. I know its early and the adrenaline is pumping but I've got to pay more attention here.

The Bike (1:38:41)
So.Much.Fun.

Seriously. I'm not fast. And sort of I'm not sure I want to be (its kind of scary) but this was So.Much.Fun. Like a roller coaster fun. The up hills were definitely up, but manageable and the downhills were THE FUNNEST. I even went 27.9 mph for awhile which is the fastest I've ever gone ... and I really wanted to go 28 mph but I was too afraid to shift my weight or do anything else to go faster because that same movement might have made me fall and despite being THE FUNNEST it was still TERRIFYING. Seriously. Shortly after this, I had an ah ha! moment. SBR (the store) Swim, Bike, Run. I am so SMRT.

So that was the bike, I rode, I ate, I drank (bad thing: although not enough, I went camelback again, but there was a crick in the hose thingy and it was hard to get water out and I like ALOT of water when I ride; next time), I figured out what SBR stands for and I finished the course.

T2 (3:19)

This could have been faster. But I had a lot of water to drink. I was parched. Or as some would say, perched.

The Run (1:06:45)

This was advertised as Flat, Fast and Fun. It was flat and I had fun. Lets leave it at that. I ran all but the rest stops which was my goal and I finished which was The Goal. Towards the end I tried to repeat "Flat, Fast and Fun" in my head and I could.not.do.it. I started thinking I was suffering from over exhaustion. It kept coming out "Fat, Flast and Fun" and at first I couldn't even tell why that was wrong (but I knew it was) and then there was another ah ha! moment when I realized what it was supposed to be. But I still couldn't say it right. Until the very end when I got it out in my head: "Flat, Fast and Fun." I finished happily knowing that I was not going crazy.

So that was that (Overall: 672/733; AG: 45/55). Not winning anytime soon. But it was So.Much.Fun. Or at least, once I got home and took a shower I realized that it was;) Monday I was sore but by Tuesday I was working out again ... slowly, but still getting out there.

And next ...? We'll see. Probably a practice tri with Susan in two weeks and then I have some other ideas but I want to see how the winter goes. I have a quasi leadership position with the local tri team so I want to go to more of their workouts and see where I am come February. I think I definitely want an early, early season race for winter motivation, but that is as much as I know for certain.

More later kids. Thanks for reading;)

I have a huge HICKEY!

Bad things might happen if you wake up at 4:30 in the morning.

So yeah, I have a hickey. A huge hickey on my neck. It hurts like a bitch, but I'm kind of proud of it. In fact today, at work, I wore my hair up so everyone would see it. Its from my new love. I got rid of the old guy because it was just too small, and as it turns out, size does matter. So I upgraded to a bigger and better model, and I tell you, a little bit bigger made a world of difference in my swim. Swim? Yes, swim, my new WETSUIT, made a world of difference in my swim. What did you think I was talking about ...?

Anyway, get your mind out of the gutter ...

This past weekend was possibly my final tri of the season (sort of, there might be one more informal, impromptu one, but for all intents and purposes it was the final tri of the season). The water was going to be cold enough that most people would be wearing wetsuits, and since we've established that my old wetsuit was the cause of most of my open water issues I decided to upgrade. I went to a store and paid full price for this guy. I even had a wetsuit expert of sorts helping me. It was interesting. I tried on three suits (which I really don't recommend. ever. it was perhaps expected that i would be sweating profusely by the time I put the third suit on, but my hands? they were sooo sore ... almost more sore than the rest of my body today, after the tri ... and rubbed raw in two places that i apparently over used in an attempt to not rip the wetsuit) and my expert friend determined that my old guy was in fact too small. He initially thought I should get (and I really wanted to get) this cool women's specific model because it had pretty pink accents. But, I am apparently not women's specific enough (or as the expert guy said "its kind of big in the chest") so I wound up with the cheapest blue 70 wetsuit in a size S/M. It seemed like it would work, but I wanted to try it once before jumping into the water Sunday morning.

You call this calm?

Sara and I made it to the race sight around 2 o'clock on Saturday. The race had a day before pick up and was 2.5 hours from our homes so we had to travel the day before. The plan was to go straight to the race sight so that one or both of us could go for a pre-race swim. But this purportedly calm bay water was choppy and not welcoming at all. I did not want to put Sara in a position to have to save me if I drowned so I decided to forgo the swim. So yeah, good things don't happen when they revolve around a 4:30 am wake up. Fortunately, we had 16 hours for the wind to die down.

You call this a football game?

After packet pick up we headed to the hotel (much, much nicer than the extended stay america which is what all triathlon weekend hotels will forever be compared to) and settled in to watch our college team play football. So.not.fun. I have never played football in my life but I think I could have played better than our team. At half time I couldn't take it anymore so we decided to watch the rest of the game from a bar while we ate dinner. Yeah, the game was so depressing that the bartender refused to put it on. Needless to say we lost.

Your oatmeal is exploding ...

Pre race nutrition did not go smoothly in room 32. Sara's oatmeal exploded and she opted for a granola bar. I forgot to get the ultra-fuel that I usually drink pre race with a cliff bar. I substituted gatorade which tasted much better but probably had 1/5 of the calories.

Does anyone have a flashlight?

It was DARK when we arrived back at the race sight. So dark that we couldn't tell if the water had calmed down. Many people brought flashlights and running head lamp things. Not us. Next time. I scored a key end spot in transition and set up my spot ... I spent a fair amount of time making sure that my front wheel that needs to come off when I transport my bike was on properly and the brakes were not rubbing. I kind of suspect they were rubbing in the last tri and was hoping for a more enjoyable bike this time around.

The hour or so before that start went quickly. Long port-a-pottie lines and tedious wet suit shimmying made the time fly I guess. Some random girl asked me to help her apply copious amounts of body glide to her neck. If only I had asked her to return the favor.

I'm not even showered this early on a work day ...

Our wave went off at 6:44 am. Dear lord. This was my fist in water start where I couldn't stand and my first time getting the new wetsuit wet. With the old wetsuit I never felt that it added that much buoyancy. But this thing ... it was like wearing swimmies. Just bobbing along waiting to be told to start. I probably could have positioned myself up a bit more if I kept my off to the side position. But given my typical under trained not in it to win it state I hung back ... next year with a bit more confidence I'm going to try some more aggressive swim placement. Maybe.

[to be continued ... among other things, i'm waiting on official times, i'm sure they'll be impressive]

I tried ...

... to be mean. To be offered the opportunity to explain that I am not what he made me look like and feel like. I am not that person (other than when he puts me in a position where I can not help but be that person - and i'm not usually the person that gets put in the position where she has to be someone else). But, there were mind games and twisted words and we wound up where we are and I don't want to be here so I tried to be mean so that I would be offered the opportunity to explain the thoughts and feelings of how I got here without having to be someone who explains thoughts and feeling unsolicited.

But at the end of the day, or more accurately the week, of trying to be mean and cold in hopes of being offered the opportunity to explain why and how, I was stuck between a rock and hard place and I chose to stop being mean and cold because I needed to get through the day. I broke the quasi email silence and I told him why it was the worst day of the worst week ever. And he offered words that distracted me which was what I needed. And then, at the end of the worst day in the worst week ever I met him at the bar and had 4 beers on an empty stomach and it made the worst day in the worst week ever seem not that bad. And it lessened my resolve. And it made me think that maybe even if he made me feel like 'that' girl I still might need a bit of his distraction and levity. And maybe, maybe that's okay. At least until monday.

I wonder ...

If I'm obsessing over the situation because of my Catholic guilt or because I really give a shit about the situation.

If my swim tonight was so hard because all ate all day was a bowl of cereal and a piece of pizza. Allergies making me not want to eat coupled with trying to get in shape to finish the triathlon in 3 weeks is a rough combination.

If the magic 8 ball really knows what it is talking about.

If the situation is going to come to a conclusion one way or another (see, I am so obsessed). Uggg.

Sliding in Under a Month

I don't think you're a bad blogger required to offer apologies to the one person who reads your blog until you let more than a month go by.

The thing is that there is not that much to say. I've been trying to let my neck/back/disk injury recovery so training has been so so to say the least. I was away for a week which was awesome, but too short. I showed poor judgement around a boy and it is making me sad, but the hair dresser told me so ... and I went out last night with people I haven't seen in while and had fun. And tonight I'm having dinner with two college friends so I'm trying to get unsad. We'll see.

That's really all for now. I just wanted to say hi. I'll post a fun post when I'm not trying so hard to not obsess over the stupid boy.

Later, kids.

Its not me, its ...

The Wetsuit ...

First, two weekends ago, olympic triathlon. Going into this, I was worried. Very, very worried. Not only was I undertrained, I was injured. Shoulder, neck painful injury had reappeared accompanied by symptoms of a pinched nerve. Awesome. I consulted the chiro who told me that participating (I don't compete, I participate) would do no permanent injury but could lead to a "painful flare up." Super. I didn't want to not start, but I also didn't want to not finish. I decided to go to swimming (with the cutie coach) the Thursday before and if I made it through that I would try the tri (drowning would be the worst way to not finish). And I made it through the swimming work out so we were off ...

[as an aside, I'm the fastest swimmer in the class. I've never been the best at anything athletic and while i know my fastness is more of a statement on the other people's slowness, i really enjoy it! if only i could get over my constant state of flusteredness when cutie coach is around, I'd enjoy it even more!]

Anyway, made it to the race site, met up with friend Susan who was doing the Sprint as her first tri and waited for Triathlon Friend (who, going forward, we'll call Sara) and her husband, Scott. Followed S&S to the hotel and knew, right away that this was going to be much better than last year's Danskin Sprint because we were NOT at the Extended Stay America, thank you very much.

After dinner and ice cream I thought I'd be ready for bed but there was much tossing and turning and then 5 am was upon us. To the race site we went. And they decided that there was not room in the BIG FIELD that was serving as a parking lot for my cute little car. Awesome. I was exiled to the cricket field with no friends to help with my gear. Being single sucks.

Usual pre-race stuff. No time for a warm-up. Too warm for a wet-suit ... and:

The Swim
36:11

It rocked. I was not nervous or claustrophobic or anything. Got in to a rhythm, avoided being beat up to the first buoy after which I got next to the buoys for the crew meets and it was basically like swimming in a pool (these little buoys were every few feet so if you got to the wrong side of them you knew you were off course) and I just SWAM. Freestyle. No freaking out ... even when the lead people from the two waves behind me swam OVER me.

The Bike
1:37:20

Um, maybe I should have ridden my bike more than twice in the past month? But I was injured ... so I didn't. And boy did it show. Awful. No fun. Never felt like I was just cruising. Windy. And, didn't let my HR settle down. Whatev. Next time, kids. Next time.

The Run
1:08:37

This was actually better than the time indicates. I ran almost the whole way and felt decent. But my legs were fried from the bike.

So there you have it. Given my undertrained status, I was pretty happy to walk away knowing that its not me, its the wetsuit. I think that barring any unforeseen circumstances and some quality time with my wetsuit I will see much improvement in the next oly ...

The Hormones ...

Next, last week, why did this race report take so long? Because last week sucked. PMS would have been an understatement and ALL I wanted to do was crawl up in a ball and wake up 10 days later. Those of you who managed to avoid me last week should be grateful!

Them ...

Finally, there are reasons why I don't go to certain parts of the Jersey Shore. Sometimes I forget those reasons and go anyway. This weekend I remembered those reasons and I won't be back for a long time!

Very excited to stay in town this weekend. Looking forward to a hair cut, some training and some new babies to visit ...

Later, kids.

A race picture that doesn't suck!

Here you go! Not bad ... especially if you manage not to look at the time. Its form the race that I started 13 minutes late so that time is not nearly as bad as it appears ... not great, but not awful either. Kind of like the date I had on Tuesday ... not great, but not awful either. Just thought I'd slip that in there.

So, my back/arm/shoulder/neck are hurting again. I'm worried that I have a pinched nerve. And I have swimming tonight. And the oly on Sunday. I can't decide it I should call it now or try to swim tonight and then make a decision. But my right ring finger is tingly which I imagine can't be good ... ugg.

Happenings

I signed up for an 8 week swim class with one of the local tri clubs and, based on people in attendance on the first day, I am the fastest one in the class. This might not be good for my development as a swimmer ... but it has done wonders for my self esteem. Sadly there are no cute boys in the class (other than the coach ...).

I was not, however, anywhere near the fastest runner in Saturday's 10-K. Arriving 13 minutes late and having to start AFTER they took away the starting mats (ie, not getting those 13 minutes deducted from my net time) made me look even slower than I already am. I finished at about 10:30 pace which is comfortable right now. In fact Tuesday night I went on a 6 mile run that felt A.M.A.zing (albeit very hot and sticky) at about the same pace.

Having resumed physical activity I find myself constantly ravenous. I'm trying to wait until 1 to eat lunch and I'm not sure I'm going to make it ...

This weekend is the oly tri that I am dreading. I think my mantra is going to be "slow and steady." And of course "don't drown."

I also might have a date this Wednesday. I haven't had a date in a million years and I'm not sure that I remember how to be fun and flirty. I'll try to update re: date before the tri so that you'll know how it goes just in case I do in fact drown!

I am so proud of myself!

32 miles biked. Alone. Done. It was great (well except for the part where I fell over and then almost fell over again but we won't talk about that now). The hills killed me though - funny how I rode 100 flat miles one month ago and it was doable and today 32 hilly miles damn near did me in.

Anyway, now whatever else I do today is justified! Go me;)

Anyone else?

If you're having a baby, or had a baby, or just found a boyfriend or a girlfriend or made an existing girlfriend or boyfriend your fiance, I'm happy for you. I am. But you should wait because 800 people have made this announcement to me in the last 10 days and I'm all out of love. I'm so lost without you ... Oh wait. That's not me. That's air supply.

Anyway, sometimes its enough ... ya know?

Good news is that I'm still in love with the apartment, I've been so good about not buying clothes (although I really, really needed a present today) and my back seems to be better. I'm going bike riding tomorrow. I am. For a long time. And I'm signing up for a swimming class and maybe practicing my swimming tomorrow. And I really, really want to run a fall marathon.

So there. That's my news kids;)

Sensory Overload

I think that is what I'm suffering from. I'm distracted and can't focus ... there is just too much going on.

You'll recall, if you've been paying attention, that I completed my triathlon and was preparing to move and preparing to survive my next triathlon ... well, I woke up last Tuesday for my second workout in operation don't drown and I was in pain. Back, neck and shoulder pain. I abandoned the thought of swimming and tried to go for a run. I made it one block. It hurt. Alot. So I went to work and got a massage and it still hurt. Alot. So I went to bed.

Wednesday was the closing. I woke up to work and do some packing pre closing and everything still hurt. Alot. So I called my awesome local massage girl and made an appointment for one hour after the closing. It should have worked perfectly. Perfectly I tell you, except that the bank forgot to wire the money. So I left the closing and got a massage while I waited for the money to arrive. The massage helped, the money arrived and I was an indebted home owner.

My mom and sister came over to help with some last minute packing that I couldn't handle because of my injury. We then headed up to the new pad and ... the keys didn't work. Seriously. Only me.

Thursday was uneventful and Friday I woke up in EVEN MORE PAIN. It hurt so much it made me nauseous. So I called in sick to work (which I never do) and made some massage/chiropractor appointments. They helped, but things still hurt. Saturday and Sunday were rough. The parents had to do all of my packing and unpacking. It sucks to be unable to do something (like lift things) that you are used to doing. I'm not a fan of being gimpy.

Sunday the apartment was in decent order and I was exhausted I should have been asleep immediately but it just wasn't happening. I was like a little kid on Christmas - I just couldn't turn it off.

Monday 2x emailed me. He had emailed a few days prior allegedly just to say hi but also to mention that he and his new girl were buying a condo together. I'll refrain from comment on that other than to advise that hell may in fact being freezing over. This time he emailed to tell me about his weekend trip to Home Depot where they picked out a nice brownish color combo that would go nicely with their light blue sectional ... woah. WTF?? That is what I'm getting. And I NEVER told him so yeah, its just a coincidence and its not like I'll ever see their apartment or them mine or that many if any people will ever see both of our apartments but REALLY? Why??

It was just more unnecessary stuff to think about. On top of craziness at work. On top of the fact that the people that claim to know are telling me not to work out and I have an oly tri on July 22 ... I actually signed up for an additional later one just in case that one is horrific ... and its just too much.

I LOVE my apartment. And I just kind of want to sit in it and be a grown up indebted homeowner and to train for this oly and be here but too much has been happening lately and while I want to be here I NEED to be somewhere quiet where I can relax and sleep and eat and recharge and come back and do what I want here. And so I am. I leave early Saturday. And I can not wait.

Chocolate Therapy ...

I'm not being kitchy, that was the name of the ice cream I had a whole bowl of for lunch. Dark chocolate ice cream, chocolate cookies and chocolate pudding swirls ... and it was very therapeutic and unlike the drink that was plan B was less likely to get me fired. Sometimes you just have to do whatever it takes to get through the day ...

Really it all started on Sunday with the 4 am wake up call. It was a sprint triathlon day ...

Made it to the city to put my bike in the van and drive the people to transition. Set up transition, warmed up in the DE-SGUSTING water ... seriously, the bottom was all slimy and there were all sort of seaweedy things and other floaties, it smelled funny and it was COLD. But, I'm a big fan of the warm up. I think it helped. Not enough. But some.

We were in wave 4 and it came up quickly. Triathlon friend and I placed ourselves to the right and waited a few seconds to avoid the washing machine. This also helped. I swam swimmingly for the first 5 minutes or so but then, as my HR started to rise, I decided to assess how far I had come and how far I had to go - this was a bad move on two levels: 1) I was in the middle of NOWHERE, the first buoy was miles away and the shore was maybe even further (exaggerate much?) and 2) the swimming to treading water transition made me dizzy. Really dizzy. And I freaked out. Thought about quiting. But the nearest lifeguard wasn't that near. So I decided to wander over to the further lifeguard (who also happened to be in the direction I needed to go) and make a decision when I got there. When I did in fact finally get there I had gotten my panic and heart rate under control enough to put my head down and swim to the end. Not of course without some random dude next to me freaking out when he touched part of this random metal structure that was in the middle of the course - I seriously thought he was drowning and that I was going to have to play the hero. But, alas, he was just over-reacting (I would NEVER do that ... for example if a huge bug landed on me in Costa Rica I would not scream bloody murder. Never. Not me.). I finished the swim but the end sucked - it was definitely long and it was impossible to get in. Everyone felt that way so it must have been some sort of current thing.

Anyway, swim = 21:25 (although, by my watch it was closer to 19 - there was a long trek to T1 and again, switching positions made me dizzy). Goal: avoid 5 minute freak out; I think if I just keep swimming, maybe start out slower to avoid sudden heart rate spike, I'll be good to go in this regard.

T1 = 2:57. Not bad I think.

Bike = The course was two loops and very technical. A few rollers. I knocked my HRM off in T1 so I don't know the details, but I had a hard time getting my heart rate under control. I was breathing heavily the whole time but my pace was decent ...

42:50 for 18.2 mph. Goal: just keep riding, maybe start out slower to get my HR down and realize that a less technical, more scenic (ie, not through an office park) would have been a lot better. Need to get in a few 50ish milers in preparation for the oly. Also ... drinking and driving. Gotta practice that!

T2 = 2:57. At least I'm consistent. I sat down, had a gel, adjusted my new visor (which I love) and had a HORRIFIC rack placement. Excuses.

Run = Dear lord shoot me. Needed water. Needed shade. Needed my legs to work. Needed it to end. The course was insanely short. I finished with walking only through the water stops so I think I'm happy enough.

Sherpa Ian had a good comment - you can't compare one tri to another because especially in the swim, the distances, terrain etc. aren't the same. You can compare your time in the same tri over several years and to a lesser extent you can compare your age group placement. So, I was 32nd out of 56 people in my age group. Goal: be in the top 50% ... we'll have to check on that next year ...

Post tri, it took FOREVER to get home. And there were some annoyances. But I made it. Ate, showered and was off to grandma's for fathers day ...

Strangely full of energy when I got home I packed and cleaned and went to bed around 11:30 AND ... are you ready for this? I got up this morning and swam 2000 yards. My goal until the oly on July 22 is to swim 4-6 days a week or else I seriously might drown. We'll see. At any rate, this left me tired and mortgage people suck and I'm moving to a flood zone and when I got a not what I wanted to hear email I cried. I shut the door and cried ... and here we come full circle to: chocolate therapy. Yummo!

Speaking of Yummo ... met up with the girls for Thai on Saturday (carbo loading ...). I like my local girl friends more and more lately. In an all in good fun moment they tried to embarrass me (cause sometimes it is sooo easy) but I rolled with the punches and the result made me giggle. So yeah, just lay on me and move your arms and legs. It'll make you a better swimmer ...

And speaking of better swimmers, shout out to my friend Dave. He finished his first tri - an oly no less - and 6 weeks ago in Costa Rica he sank to the bottom of the pool when he tried to swim. But he did it. Despite no wetsuits being allowed and swimming to the wrong buoy he persevered (I so would have freaked out and swam to the hottest ... er, nearest life guard) to have a speedy swim and bike. So cheers for David.

Time for bed kiddies or else there will be more chocolate therapy tomorrow.

What about a duathlon?

Because I'm fairly sure that you can't drown if you don't get in the water ... but say, hypothetically, that you and triathlon friend decide to get up early Sunday morning and drive down to the beach for a little practice? You meet up with a tri group that has allowed you (upon receipt of a nice little fee) to participate in their open water practice ... and you get there and its cold, and the waves are big ... and rough. Not the sunny day orderly waves that are fun but the scary, cloudy day waves that can send you ass over tin cans (umm, I read that in a magazine today ... its not one of my normal phrases. I swear.) and that cause the lifeguards to stand at water's edge and flinch often? Have I set the scene?

You're leery, maybe because you've been in these waves or similar waves and been knocked around, you've seen the people pulled out shaken and on rare occasions blue ... you know what this can do ... but you're there and you've paid so you and triathlon friend try to get your sea legs. You bounce around in the waves and its all good. You manage to swim out to the buoy and around it and parallel to the shore and back in. But these waves are big ... and you're not swimming so much as surviving and then they propose you do it again. It doesn't seem like a good idea but everyone else is doing it so you head in. And this time it is better. You actually swim and deal with the waves and you're almost to the buoy, you look up to see exactly where it is and get met, head on with a wave and you drink it. And cough. And realize the ridiculousness of the proposed swim. You're not in trouble but worry that you could be so you inform the lifeguard that you're heading in. No, you obviously, clearly, without a doubt do not want a ride on the kayak. So you swim and swim and swim and are about where you started. You swim and swim and swim some more and have still made no progress. So a little lifeguard guy comes over to escort you in .... grrrrrrrrrreat. To highlight the fact that you are in control of the situation you talk to lifeguard guy and comment that you're swimming but ummm, not really going anywhere. At which points lifeguard guy tells you that you're caught in a bit of a rip tide. Perfect. Exactly what you wanted to hear. You start swimming parallelish (b/c that is what you do in a rip) and finally get to where you can stand but at this point you are spent. So you ask lifeguard guy to pull you in a bit which causes other older lifeguard dude to get all bay watch on you and come sprinting out to the rescue. You wave him off and slowly make it in with the help of your original helper .... but, ugg.

So hypothetically, if that happened the weekend before your first sprint tri of the season you'd think about a duathlon too, right? Right. And even if you got in some decent close to shore swimming after the near drowning and even though you KNOW that you can do it ... you'd still consider that duathlon ... trust me. You would.

Fortunately the day before the hypothetical near drowning you ran a 10K in almost the exact same time as the 10K you ran a month ago ... normally one might not think that this was progress ... perhaps not a digression but not progress. Except it was the first hot day of the summer running season and everyone suffered ... without the heat and humidity you probably could have done better, right? Right. So I'd call that progress ...

Round that out with a party that seemed to attract every single pregnant woman in northern jersey and you've got my weekend.

Hypothetically.

the F word

Last night I went to a wine tasting with a friend from work. We were talking to a friend of a friend who had a date this week and was deciding whether or not to accept date #2. I told her my theory that unless there was a definite deal breaker you always have to accept date #2 (and probably date #3). "Was there a deal breaker?" I asked. She responded that he used the "F word" once or twice and she wasn't sure, but she thought that was a deal breaker.

Oh dear.

I resisted the urge to ask if he used it as a verb or an adjective. ... I might be able to argue that repeated use of the F word as a verb could be a deal breaker ... but really, I'm sure I've dropped the F bomb on dates. I think that there is something cathartic about the curse and I use it just enough so that it doesn't loose its effectiveness ... perhaps why I'm still single ??

Up next, drinks under protest (I really just want to go home) for a friend going away, sushi, painting and a 10K in the morning ...

la, la, la.

I swam a thousand yards ...

... it took me 18 minutes. I believe that is 1:48 per hundred. In my last tri I swam 880 yds (otherwise known as .5 mile) at a pace equaling 1:36 per hundred. I think this is good, right? I wasn't really prepared for this 1000 yards swim - in fact at 3 pm today I gave serious thought to napping on my floor and I wasn't swimming as fast as I could and I didn't have a wetsuit on ... of course, I also didn't have anyone kicking me in the face. Hmmm. Who knows?

The next few weeks are going to be busy:

Today: swimming
Tomorrow: wine tasting with friend from work
Fri: finish painting apartment
Sat: 10K; married friend's birthday in the 'burbs
Sun: open water swim practice; last sopranos
Mon: L's show for a photography class she took
Tues: trainer; graduation for bike riding thingy
Wen: pre-Closing walk through of new apartment
Thurs: pick up tri packet; local tri meeting; trainer's going away party
Fri: finish packing
Sat: finish packing
Sun: tri; father's day
Mon/Tues:?
Wen: Closing!
Thurs/Fri:?
Sat: MOVE

WOW!

I think I'm gonna go to bed - better sleep while I can;)

Century Ride/Costa Rica Revisted

Well, kiddies. Mission accomplished. Finished my first century ride - going into the ride, especially given the early hour at which it started and the not in my own bed (now, now I stayed on Triathlon Friend's couch the night before ... nothing exciting) sleep the night prior I had serious doubts. But in the end I wasn't going to be the one to call for help so I pressed on and made it to the finish.

There is no real fun and exciting way to describe 100+ miles of bike riding ...

yup, that's right ...

100+ Miles of Bike Riding? Unfortunately the PLUS was not well publicized. The ride was advertised as a century. For those not in the know, that is 100 miles. Sure, they had a cue sheet but the road was marked and I can barely ride my bike and drink so I wasn't looking at the cue sheet. The "last" eight miles were rough, around mile 85 I picked up the pace for a bit thinking that the faster I pedaled the faster I'd get off the bike which was pretty much the only thing I could think about at that point (do you have any idea the extent to which your ass hurts after 7 hours of biking ...?). I regretted that pace pick up around mile 92 but I pushed on counting down the miles one by one ... and when I got to mile 100 the ride did not end and there was no sign that it would end any time soon. Not being the Never Ending Ride, it did eventually end ... 4 miles later. What's 4 more miles after you've ridden 100 you ask? Well, I'm here to tell you its hell.

That being said, I got the giggles twice. You know when you think of something funny and you start laughing and you just can't stop? The first time was right after our 50 mile rest stop and one of the girls we were riding with said something in Spanish. I thought of Costa Rica and Dave's planned speech to the U.N. in which he would explain (in Spanish ... logically) why Greenland should be named Iceland (its cold) and Iceland named Greenland (its green). Pero Greenland es frio. I wasn't there when the group came up with the idea but I was there a few times when the speech was rehearsed and for some reason it was hysterical (umm, perhaps the Imperial?) and when the girl said her Spanish phrase the speech came to mind and I got the giggles. Fortunately Triathlon Friend was there so I had someone to share with.

The next time was right before the mile 85 push. We stopped at a stop sign so one of the girls could take a picture and this guy that was also stopped there pulled a banana out of his pocket and started eating. I've actually seen guys pull bananas out of their pockets on the subway (seriously, bananas ... I'm not speaking in euphemism) and it always makes me think "is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" And on a bike trip (with guys sort of putting it all out there in tight shorts anyway) this question made me think of zip lining and the crotch compressing harnesses that the guys wore that extenuated their umm, bananas. This time I was delirious and I COULD NOT stop giggling and I COULD NOT explain this story to anyone I was with (I mean, I wasn't really checking out this guy's banana ... it just sort of reminded me of zip lining where you couldn't really help looking at the parts because they were sort of on display) so shortly thereafter I went ahead of the group to giggle sans explanation and subsequently about died when the ride did not end when I thought it should have.

Its funny how there are some trips (Costa Rica, Ireland with my college friends) where its the people that shape the experiences. Sure I'll remember the scenes and adventures of CR but its the people that make the stories that give me the giggles. Kind of like I'll always remember the sights and scenes of Ireland but I'll also remember Duff yelling across the bar "K., you love BJ" when Billy Joel came on or Chicago Friend saying "you can't play hearts till your hearts been broken" to the guy that had just gotten left at the alter ...

And did I mention my ass hurt? More than you can imagine during the ride. That and my arms. But with your arms you can stretch a bit and change your hand position, there is really only one place to put your butt thought and after awhile that just isn't fun.

So, all in all a good day.

Slept for 14 hours last night after eating a ton of sushi for what was sort of my second dinner and somehow managed to be halfway productive today. I met a friend for brunch, bought paint, started painting the apartment, had a massage, went food shopping and cooked dinner. Go me;)

So, that's it kids. Hopefully my legs will be recovered for next weekend's 10K race ...

Goodnight.

I am a bad blogger ...

I'm thinking of telling a few more people about K. Michele so I've gone through and deleted a few incriminating posts ... not all of them, but some. I'm not sure how I feel about self-censorship, but I've saved the posts as drafts so I guess its okay, right?

Anyway, again, I've abandoned ya'll for awhile so:

Costa Rica

It was fun. Although the degree to which it sucked to come home came close to outweighing the fun. We swam, we drank, we played euchre, we went on a run that was more of a mountain climbing adventure, we hiked in the rain forest and we found a water fall. We also think that Pat & Larisa got married. We're not sure because the ceremony was all in Spanish but they kissed at the end.

And the drama? Well, there really was none. 2x's chick is fine. About as different from me or anyone I know as you could possibly ever get and I don't think there was a moment during the whole trip where they weren't in physical contact (they tended to hold hands throughout entire meals) and she brought her own coffee creamer (allow me my one caddy comment, thank you) but she was harmless. And 2x was nice to me, although I don't really think that the trip was the beginning of a great friendship between the two of us, in fact I've barely spoken to him since.

The girls were anxiously awaiting my return home to hear abut the drama ... but there was none. I had a great time, Dave was a great date (I may have driven him crazy but I think we got along pretty well - as he said, his energy counter acts my neurosis in a positive way), 2x and chick were just sort of there not affecting my enjoyment one way or the other ... so, in short it was a success but it ended too soon ...

And, after a week of living right next door to good friends I came home and was single and ...

Got Slammed At Work

Crazy hours. Basically no working out although I did ride with the local tri club. They were super fast, but very nice. They all remembered my name and I couldn't figure out why ... I mean, I'm very bad at names. For awhile I figured I was just very memorable but then, as I was careening down a hill, it came to me: I had my name on masking tape on my helmet. Welcome to the short bus. Fortunately, they were all married;)

Then,

My sister graduated from college ...

I was exhausted the whole weekend but it was fun. I took one more week to recover and then I started working out again.

Century Ride

Is tomorrow. Oh boy. 100 miles.

Moving

Coming up quickly ... I've started packing and planning how to decorate the new place but there is still alot to do ... the next few weeks are going to be jam packed with adventure so I'll try to be better about updating. Yeah, we've all heard that before ...

If I write it ...

it will happen. Or at least, it will be no less likely to happen than if I didn't write it so ... I should have gone to the gym or tried to organize my clothes for the vacation that may or may not be happening beginning Sunday (see, previous post). But instead I 'rested my eyes', ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and read some blogs. In my defense, I did work out with the trainer for one hour this morning ... but that was not running. or biking. or swimming.

So, I am verbalizing my intention of going to bed in the next 21 minutes (by 11) and running or maybe even biking in the morning and maybe even swimming tomorrow night. I have worked myself into a ball of stress over ALL I HAVE TO DO in the next 6 weeks but ... it'll get done. The packing, paining and finding enough money to pay for the apartment - it'll happen. But it can't happen just yet. So no sense worrying. I'm much better served trying to get in a few more workouts because this will help with my summer tris AND if my vacation with 2x and his new chick is really not some weird figment of my imagination, well, I'm gonna look hot;)

Down to 19 minutes. Wish me luck ... g'night.

6 Days ...

until I leave for vacation. I'm not excited. I mean, I am excited to not be at work, and in theory I'm excited to be going to a warm beach place but ... is this real? Am I really going on vacation? With 2x? And 2x's girlfriend? And 2x is going to be nice to me? And I'm staying in a room with Dave? For 7 days? Got to be a fantasy ... er, nightmare, right?

And am I really buying an apartment? Because I'm not sure I can afford an apartment. Particularly because I just bought a new bike to ride on the century ride I signed up for. Which means I'm planning to ride a bike 100 miles? Are they putting crack in the coffee again? And if I am buying an apartment exactly when am I supposed to pack, paint the old apartment etc.? Particularly because every weekend until now and when I am allegedly moving has an activity. Some of which are fairly significant - like the vacation, my sister's graduation, the 100 mile bike ride ... to name a few.

And the apartment has two bedrooms and two bathrooms but I'm living in it alone, right? Is this going to scare away suitors? Or am I just unsuitable? Does this mean I'm a grown up? I don't think I'm ready for that. Although, if being a grown up means that your mother no longer drives you crazy then I might, might just be ready.

Maybe.

So yeah. This is what goes through my head all day. And a fair amount of math (related to my fear of biting off more than I can financially chew). And you wonder why I don't write more often. Well, that and I'm pretty sure no one reads this ... hello? Anyone out there?

I'm still here ...

First off, apologies for the two month hiatus. Sometimes there is just so much to say its hard to know where to start ...

I could tell you about the insomnia, the drama at work (well, technically I probably couldn't tell you about that it any meaningful fashion), the visit from Chicago friend or work friend's weird illness and subsequent hospital stay ... or I could just hit the high points:

• I'm buying a condo. A two bedroom/two bath with views of Manhattan, the Hudson River and the George Washington Bridge. A condo that I can't really afford. Well, I suppose I can afford the payments but scrounging up closing costs between now and June is going to be tight. Doable, but tight.

• After years of swimming and swimming lessons and swim team, I read a book about swimming and now I can bilateral breath. Probably not well, but good enough for now.

• I ran a half marathon two weeks ago. The day after I rode my bike 30 miles. It wasn't ideal planning but the weather gods didn't cooperate. I did not do as well as I would have liked - at one point it had been a goal race for me - but I did well considering the circumstances (the alluded to insomnia and condo purchased led to a lack of working out, it was cold, I was alone, I was really, really running late that morning, and then the bike ride).

• I ran a 10K yesterday. The day after I rode my bike 40 miles. Triathlon friend did it with me. I was very impressed with my time considering the circumstances (err, that I was rather hung over).

• I rode my bike over the George Washington Bridge with my bike group. It was terrifying. But fun. And if I stick with it and find I can in fact afford the condo, I think I'm going to upgrade my bike.

• Things are good. I'm busy. But content. There are times in my life when all I've wanted is to be in a relationship, to have a sense of what the future might hold. I part of me still wants that - particularly the sense of what the future might hold, but I'm in a place where I don't really want to compromise. I like sleeping in the middle of the bed. And working out when I want. And eating cereal for dinner. I guess I'm not saying that I don't want a relationship or the potential of a family but I want it to fit into my current life. With 1x I feel like I gave too much up - too much time with friends, too many hobbies, too much time in my own apartment - next time around, I'm not going more than half way.

Also, its not worth a bullet point, but I'm excited for my trip to Costa Rica with 2x and his gf. I wasn't for awhile because of some drama, but I think it passed.

So kiddies, if you're still out there, I hope you're doing well and I'll try to be better at staying in touch;)

Exciting Friday Night

I just did my taxes. I thought I was going to owe a lot more than I do (in fact, i have to pay a bit to the feds and nj but am getting a bunch back from ny) which confirms my suspicion that i need to call the financial planner.

So that is the excitement for the night.

I worked out with the trainer at 6:30 this morning and am tiRED, which is why I didn't even try to make plans for tonight. Plus, I keep intending to run with the group on Saturday morning and then I check the weather. Tomorrow's forecast? Wind chill of 12. WTF? So is there any way in hell that I can run 10 miles on the mill?? I just don't know if that is even possible. I'm gonna have to play with the speed and stuff a lot to keep me entertained. I've found that the TM is much more manageable if I break it up into quarter miles - maybe I can do half miles tomorrow? Yeah, I might die of boredom.

Assuming boredom doesn't get the better of me I'd like to go swimming, get my nails done, buy some moisturizing shampoo (my hair is seriously SO dry), dinner with the girls at 5:30, going to see a play, then on sunday biking 12 miles, working, massage and superbowl. So yeah, I'm on crack. No way it'll all get done. Particularly if I had tried to go out tonight.

In other non exciting news? I have high cholesterol and low vitamin B12. Which sucks because I eat well, I'm not over weight, I exercise ... so not sure what to do about the cholesterol and as to the B12, I'm taking a multi-vitamin but everything that is high in B12 is also high in cholesterol ... so, that's the excitement:)

Need to infuse some excitement into this life I've got going. Maybe its time to buy a new bike with that tax refund ...

Happy weekend, kids.

Its official ... and I'm on crack (again)

Its way late. I should have been in bed a long time ago if I intend to get up in the a.m. for a work out but ...

Its official. The first time I ever went to a wedding I was a senior in college (yeah, close family we are, right ... damn cousins didn't invite us) and I was in the wedding. And she was one of my best friends and he was a good friend. They had two wonderful, beautiful children. Then he had an affair and left and today the divorce was official. Its strange. Really strange.

And the crack? Well, a friend is getting married in Costa Rica in May and I need a vacation. So its perfect, right? Go down a bit early and hang out. Except everyone I know that is going is part of a couple. And half of one of those couples is 2x. So my plan was to go with triathlon friend and her husband for a little pre-wedding adventure. Not ideal for any of involved but the best I could come up with. Separate from this, 2x's friend (we'll call him Dave because, well, that's his name and even I'm having a hard time keeping up with the nicknames) was doing something similar with 2x and 2x's girl. So, after much emailing and convincing and flirting I have agreed, tentatively to combine our groups.

So yeah, that's my vacation. It has disaster written all over it. So someone, somewhere must have slipped me some crack for me to agree to this debacle, right?

Right.

'night.

Buff My Bologna ...

Its been awhile, kids. But, since the last time we spoke I participated in a conference call where someone said "he's asked for so much that the next thing you know he is going to be asking us to buff his bologna."

Um, ok. I've hard a lot of euphemisms for that, but buff the bologna??

Shortly thereafter, I had another encounter with WSB. It was fun. But, I haven't heard from him since. Nice. And typical. So I think I'm done with him. I'm not mad. Seriously, I haven't been angry at him at all. Maybe a bit disappointed in myself, but not really. All in good fun, ya know? Chalk it up to experience and stuff. But, I'm moving on. Or away. At least while I'm sober:)

Its also gotten F'ing cold. As a result, last weekend I did my 8 mile run on the 'mill. Which sucked. And made my hamstrings tighter than they've ever been in my life. So this weekend I decided I'd wait till after noon (when its warmest) and try for 10 outside miles. Unfortunately, I waited too long after eating and by mile 3 I was starving. So I ran 4.5 miles outside, at a bagel and finished 4.5 miles on the 'mill. Does that count as a 9 mile run? I say yes ...

And that has been about all the excitement in my life. I stayed in last night and tonight (Friday and Saturday) and am almost excited about it. The thought of going out in the cold just wasn't doing it for me. So I worked, finished a book, blogged, payed the piano ... its been nice. Although, I KNOW that it stresses my mother out, but what can you do??

So that's it kids. I think its a the winter doldrums. Just working out a ton and laying low on the heels of my last WSB encounter. I'm sure excitement will return soon but until then ... hope you're all doing well:)

What a pain in the butt ...

I have.

Ran 6 miles with the running club on Saturday morning at about 10 min/mile pace followed by my first workout with the new trainer and today I am in PAIN. Wow. Probably didn't help that I just biked for 6 miles. 6 slow miles. I am a slow biker and a slow runner. But it was fun to run with people again and hopefully soon I'll be in shape.

Taking married friends for a drive around new jersey and then 24. Can not wait. And tomorrow, I should not have to work. Thank you MLK.

Later kids.

I don't run fast and I don't keep my money in my crotch, I swear ...

I need to get better at updating - I'm starting to forget what happened since we last chatted.

Hmmm, last week I was more PMS-ey than I've been since I was 16. Last Friday, after a rough week at work, I was in a foul, foul mood. But, I wound up deciding to go to my parent's house for dinner and then coming back to where I live with my sister so that we could go to the bar with the HOT, and when I say hot, I mean HOT, bartender. It is seriously amazing how a good meal and a few drinks and a HOT guy can cure even the worse case of PMS.

Saturday, I had my first piano lesson. We got off to a bit of a rough start because ... she thought I was there for voice lesson. VOICE lessons. Anyone who has ever heard me sings knows that I'm way, way beyond voice lessons. I am so awful, there is seriously no hope. But, once we got past that, the piano part was good. I'm actually impressed at how much I remember and it was fun and relaxing. I bought my piano ... er, keyboard, on Sunday which was a debacle. I stood in best buy for one hour and then, after some hoodlums stole a DVD, they decided they didn't have the keyboard I wanted. I was irrationally angry, near hysterical (PMS again) but my mom took pity on me (or was afraid that I'd kill someone if I didn't get the freakin keyboard) so she sped me to the best buy near their house and it was a success. I've practiced a bunch and I like it ... hopefully I'll stick with it long enough to be a decent player.

Sunday, before the key board debacle, I got up to go running with the new tri group in town. Only one other person showed up and he looked fast so we chatted a bit and then I sent him on his way - but, he told me that they were probably going to combine some of their runs with the local running group. So ...

... on Tuesday, I got home from work in time to go running with said local running group. Their website says that "people of all speeds and abilities" are welcome. And the Tuesday night run is only 1.5 miles and they recommend that people go to the Tuesday night run as their first run with the club ... so, yeah. Just because they welcome "people of all speeds and abilities" doesn't mean that said people actually show up. Everyone was very, very friends but um, they ran 6 minute miles AND they consider Tuesday nights to be a "speed workout." So, one poor guy took pity on me and ran with me so that I wouldn't get lost. But wow. He was talking to me the whole time and I was solely focused on not dying. Seriously. So after the run everyone goes to the bar with the HOT bartender and he was of course working. I order a beer and then realize that my money is in the little pocket in the front of my running tights and the only way to get it out is to reach my hand down there and fish around. So yeah, it looks basically like I'm sort of sticking my hand down my pants and then pulling out a sweaty 20. Nice. But, at least the runners were also nice, and cute and well, really fast. Even if I ruined things with the HOT bartender by handing him my sweaty crotch money I've got the runners:)

I have been so, so tired all week that I decided to stay in and recharge tonight ... I want to run with the group tomorrow and I'm meeting the trainer for the first time at 11 and then I have a bit of work to do and hopefully drinks with the girls tomorrow night. 24 starts Sunday and I, at least in theory, have off on Monday. So, hopefully next week I'll truly be able to start morning workouts mixed in with Tuesday night runs and hot guys:)

I'll try to update my fans on this weekend before we get to next weekend ... but, I hope you all had or are having fun Friday nights.

Update

I couldn't get out of bed yesterday, but I did set up my first appointment with the trainer and arrange for my first piano lesson so I'm counting that as a success.

This morning I only managed to get up in time to elliptical (for some reason, the thought of getting on the TM this morning was not appealing - I think I need to find some sort of high energy snack to get me going in the am - as it was I had a sliver of entemans cake, um, probably not the best although it did taste good) for 20 minutes - so I'm at least making progress, right?

In funny - as in Dear Lord bight your tongue funny- news, when I called the trainer yesterday she asked if I had just had a baby. Um, no. Most certainly, definitely, without a doubt, no. Apparently, Jen (my NYC trainer) recommended two people to the new trainer, one of whom had just had a baby. But, yeah, not me. Then this morning I had a drs. appointment with a new dr. I take some meds for a non-contagious, non-serious condition I have and you're not supposed to get pregnant while you're on them. Fine. But, b/c she's a new dr. she wants me to have a pregnancy test. WHAT IS GOING ON? I know, KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'm not PG (unless its immaculate) but given my high level of stress and ability to freak out about things that are even a little bit ... er, naked I don't like these questions and tests.

So, a midweek update for you. Happy Wednesday!

So, its been awhile ...

First, Christmas. It was good. Its strange how holidays change when we get older. It was nice to be home and I enjoy giving (and receiving!) but its not really the same as when we were younger and I sort of feel like there is this insane amount of pressure to be happy and have fun. But, it was fine. We were all sort of sick feeling but we made good fish sauce on Christmas Eve and got the grandparents to my house and back safely on Christmas day. The day after Christmas I went for a run, did some work and ran some errands ... then it was back to work on Wednesday. Seriously, I think everyone should have the days between Christmas and New Year's off because they kind of just suck. But I got a lot of work done so that was good.

Next, ANNIE!! I really thought I was going to get tickets to Annie for Christmas - growing up it was my favorite. Friend from growing up and I used to run around our house singing it for hours ... when I didn't get tickets I took matters into my own hands and got tickets for my mom and sister to go with me on Friday. It was fun ... although our seats were less than good and two ladies got into a fight ... a fight! ... about talking during the show or something and some 80 yr old usher had to break it up:) Moving my mom around the city was sort of a nightmare - she took the bus in and i made her take the subway and the PATH - she said that the things I have to do to get from point A to point B make it not worth going anywhere. Um, okay.

Finally, the New Year. I was not excited about NYE - local friends and I were going out to dinner in the neighboring town which I didn't really understand (if you're gonna stay local, well, then stay local ... ) but I bought a new outfit and made the best of it - it was fun. Not earth shattering but fun. My sister and three of her friends slept over that night - and they were DRUNK - I'm really glad that I don't get THAT drunk (anymore at least:)). I wasn't really hung over today but I was exhausted - I stayed up late waiting for them to get home and then it took them awhile to settle down. Lazed around most of the day today and am hoping to get the New Year off to a good start tomorrow. No real resolutions but a few goals:

• I work so much that it would really make life much more enjoyable if I could just get up earlier and get stuff done before work. I used to do it so I just have to get back into the groove - up and exercising before work.
• Not get as bothered by other people - whether its a jackass at work, a dumb boy or my mother in one of her moods.
• Start taking piano lessons again.
• Start working out with a trainer again.
• Consider taking golf lessons.
• Have fun!

Oh, one other funny thing. One night when I was drinking I told boy from work about this blog - and then immediately denied it. He remembers basically nothing I tell him when we're drinking but he remembered this. Ugg. I think it'd be hard for him to find this - I'm rather paranoid about being discrete and I haven't divulged details of anything he wouldn't want on here (random comments about his gf that he probably wound't want repeated for all to read) and I'm suppose that there is nothing on here I wouldn't want him to read ... but still. Oh well, we'll see.

I'll try to keep you all posted about the progress of my New Year's goals (particularly the piano lessons - I'm excited about that).

Wishing you all happy 2007s!

BTW

I was re-reading old posts and the petite crush on the ineligible bachelor? Crashed and burned. Thank God. He told me some things that made it very, VERY clear that I would never, NEVER want to go there. And for that I am thankful. We cna be friends but honestly, any thought that I might be interested in THAT way is long, long gone.

Good night for real.

I think I'm back in College ...

... and I kind of like it.

First things first. Work sucks. Big time. Like, I postponed my Christmas party until things calm down at work big time. So while its sad, its for the best. I mean today, I was so tired that my bones hurt. There is no way that I could have put up the tree and put on a party in the style that my guests have grown accustomed to much less enjoyed said party for myself. So its sad.

Its sad that I'm postponing the party. Particularly for work. Particularly because I'm working for a jackass. But, as always, there is a silver lining: WSB's birthday party is the same night. But before we get to that ...

Last Friday I worked until a bit after nine and met friend from work, his gf and WSB out for a few drinks. Friend from work and his gf left and I went home with WSB. It was fun ... but I woke up at 10:30 in NYC and had a haircut in NYC at 11:30 so going home was NOT an option. Which would have been fine except I had to go to work right after my hair cut. So yeah. I'm 31 and I got my hair cut and then bought some random clothes at the Gap so that I wouldn't show up to work in the same clothes two days in a row ....

So, I fended off the guilt on Sunday. I mean I am 31. I'm mature and responsible and if I want to fool around a little, well ... I can. But on Monday the guilt was creeping up when ... WSB emailed. Nothign earth shattering but ... we email every day (mostly) and when we see eachother he generally asks me to go home with him. And, well, it reminds me of college. You'd chat and maybe be a bit flirty when you saw eachother during the week (and, er, maybe did a bit of harmless stalking. i don't want to get off on a tangent here but do you have any, ANY, idea how efficient I could have been at running into people if we had the technology that the kids have these days ... i mean, back in the day we knew people's schedules and when they might be walking where and when they might be sitting where in the dining hall but now, with text messages and IM it'd be seamless ... but, i digress).

So, Saturday, WSB is having a b'day party. And with my own party off, the logical thing ... but does that look obvious? He knows how busy I've been and why I've canceled my party and he knows I might come to his party but ... there are gonna be 50 people there. What if he has someone else that he goes home with ...? What if he choses her and I get sad? But then again, what if he would have chosen me if I had come ...

Ugg. Being a girl sucks sometimes.

But, yeah. It reminds me of college because we're talking during the week and then plotting to see eachother on the weekends (well, I'm plotting, don't know if he is) and getting drunk and hooking up ... SO, we'll see.

I'm trying, trying hard, to not get ahead of myself with this BUT with 1x and 2x they both basically professed their love and intention to marry me very, very early on in the relationship. And, well, I am currently unloved (at least by unrelated members of the opposite sex) and unmarried so maybe this approach ... the sort of slow (but physical) get to know you approach will work? It works on tv. And I can think of at least one real life couple that I know of where they were physical long, long before they were a 'couple.' So maybe it'll work, and hopefully even if it doesn't work it'll be fun ...??

So thats that. I'll try to keep you posted but life, well, its crazy!

Wanna talk about the cold?

Because that is how cold it is ... you see someone and say, "it sure is cold out, huh?" Um, yeah. Makes no sense but you do it anyway. So far we've gone from 60s right after T-Day to low 30s earlier this week to 50 this morning to the teens tomorrow. My blood must have thinned because I KNOW parts of college were colder than this but I don't remember being this miserable ...

Anyway, I started taking vitamins, drinking this weird teaish drink and working out again and despite the insane buziness going on at work and with Christmas shopping, party planning etc. I feel pretty good. Strangely focused and not stressed out. Not sure whats up with that. So things are good, if not particularly eventful - the highlight of my weekend is getting my hair cut. And I think I'd like to see WSB but I'm not sure why ... we know what he wants, and we know what my position on that has historically been ... but, maybe we can work out a compromise. Hmmm.

Stay warm boys and girls!

So much to do, so little time.

Thanksgiving and the days that followed: they were sad, stressful, exhausting ... and my team lost. I could go on, but, what good would it do? But I'm determined to infuse some happiness into the looming Christmas season so the Christmas party is ON ... started buying decorations today. I hope it will be fun.

Of course, that leads me to the fact that this coming weekend is full of family stuff and the weekend before Christmas is the party so that leaves one weekend for all my party preparations AND Christmas shopping ... and I'm the fun infuser so ... yeah, it'll be busy.

I also think I need new sneakers. I ran 5 miles by my parents house and it seems that up hill and down hill are the only options (no flats) and now I have shin splints. Shin splints suck. It was probably the downhills but new kicks can't hurt, right?

I've been both emailing WSB and a guy on *that* website. At the end of the day, I don't think I'm ready for a Relationship but I might be able to swing a relationship (little r) or at least a bit of fun ... I'll keep you posted. Website guy told me to call him and I wrote him back with my phone number because, well, he's the boy.

I'm spent kids so this is all you get. Happy last days of November.

My girlfriend is hiding in the bathroom, so you can leave.

Yeah, someone said that to me last night. There was nothing untoward happening that should have led me to leave - just drama. Plain vanilla drama. That and I was petting a cat. And I don't really like cats. So there you have it. She hid in the bathroom and I left - knocking over a table in the process. Classic really.

Happy T-Day.

You sounded tired, so I thought I'd call the dating service.

Saturday morning my mom calls at 11. For some of you, 11 is probably really late. Some of you probably did more before 11 than I did all day. Well, good for you:) But I was still in bed at 11, so good for me too ... Mom told me about the wedding she had been at the night before, asked what I did the night before (pretty much nothing) and then asked why on earth I sounded so tired ... um, because I just woke up? She was annoying me so we got off the phone.

Fast forward a few hours, I've had coffee and breakfast and read the paper. I have to ask mom some cooking question so I call her back. After we discuss the broccoli (don't ask) I ask her if I sound more awake - she tells me that I do and that it puts her in a bad mood when I sound tired. She then went on to say that when I sound tired she thinks of me sitting in my apartment in some deep dark depression AND she almost called a dating service for me. Um, in what universe does this make sense? Not mine. I clarified that if she ever did in fact call a dating service for me I would not talk to her for a long, long time.

In other news, I finally, finally ate at the restaurant I've been trying to eat at since I moved to NYC - thanks Mom & Dad. I also ran 8 miles on Sunday and biked 8 miles this evening. So, go me:)

Sadly, my grandmother on my Dad's side is not doing well, so let's say a prayer for her and for Dad and for us and give thanks for what we do have.

Happy short week ...

My boobs have gotten bigger but Hartford is not near New Jersey.

A few weeks ago I went home and my mom's boobs looked different ... I commented and she said that her new and improved boobage was the result of some new bras that she got fitted for and bought at the mall - turns out she has been in wearing the wrong size for years and the right size made quite the difference.

So, this past weekend I decided I need to replace some of my bras ... because you know, someday hell might freeze over and someone might see them. I headed to the mall and I got fitted as well (and just in case you were wondering, you keep your clothes on and there is no touching of your actual boobs). Turns out that all these years I've been wearing a size 34B and I should be wearing a size 34C ... who knew? And let me tell you, have you ever worn tight socks and boots all day and then had to stand in a bar at night ... you're feet swell, the socks are tight and by the time you get home your feet/ankles are beginning to loose circulation? Well, the difference between the right size bra and one that is too small is similar to the difference between tight socks and boots and flip flops ... TMI?

And then I went to Hartford. Dad was in Japan and flew back through Detroit where he got stuck. Not wanting to say over night in Detroit he decide to fly to Hartford ... and in case you were wondering, Hartford is not near where I live. Got some quality time in the new car as Mom and I drove 3 hours there and 3 hours bag to retrieve Dad ... but, he would have done it for me so I can't complain. Well, actually I can complain and I have and sort of I am but I did it willingly so I get an A for effort.

This week was a bit crazy - slow at work and too many happy hours that went too late but it was fun. I think that my theory is that there are so many times when I am busy at work or I don't have anything to do that when there are options to go out I should take advantage of them. So I did. And it was fun. And sometimes things aren't what they seem. And its my perogative to change my mind ... and I might be about WSB. But I'm not sure. And that is okay too. We'll see.

Happy weekend.

I have a car and my tapeworm is making me tired.

So, finally got the car and I'm glad because George the car guy and I were getting to know WAY too much about eachother. I still maintain that I don't deserve the car, but I really, really like it. It drives like a dream (yeah, I really just wrote that, I like the way it drives but lets fact it: I'm car illiterate so whether or not it does in fact drive like a dream? No clue.), and does lots of cool things (like know if its raining or if it should turn the radio up because you're driving faster) and it has heated LEATHER seats and its blue tooth enabled - if someone calls you their voice comes out of the ceiling:) So driving out of the city yesterday was fun (well, despite the horrific traffic) and I went back and forth to my parent's once already and I'll do it again tomorrow.

That said, I've really got to curb my spending habits - I spent a crazy amount of money at Saks - yeah it was all on sale and I do need new clothes but ... still. Tomorrow I need to get makeup, underwear and a present for dad's bday but then I'm done for awhile. Really. I am.

This week I've been exhausted to the point of delirium and insatiable hungry. I don't know whats wrong with me - well, actually I do, but for the sake of my boy reader I'll spare you (although, he's married so he probably know how these things work) ... lets just say that I haven't been this tired or hungry in my, err, tired week, in years. I got home from my parent's at noon, laid down on the couch and PASSED out for two hours. Then woke up starving, so I'm blaming it on a tapeworm ... unless you have a better idea:)

In a few minutes I'm going to run 6 miles on the treadmill - yeah, it'll suck, but I don't have an outside run in my right now (even though it is a beautiful day) and then I'm going to make myself look pretty and I'm going out to dinner with a friend who deserves a fun night out ... so I'm gonna do my best to provide it to her!

WSB (walk of shame boy) invited me out for a drink Thursday night and I fabricated plans - just wasn't in the mood to be flirty or not be flirty or to decide which I wanted to be. Either I don't like him or it was the tapeworm again. Not sure.

Also, I think I have a petite crush on a VERY ineligible bachelor. Not good. But fun:) And will make me wear the new clothes. I think it'll either bloom or fizzle soon so I'll keep you posted.

Happy weekends to all!

Let it go ...

Sometimes you just have to let it go. It took awhile for me to realize but I did realize and I have let it go ... and wow, what a difference an attitude adjustment makes.

You see, the thing is that I have:

• a wonderful family;
• some great friends from my school years but they don't, for the most part, live near by - and even if they did they're married, some with kids, and while that's great for them (seriously, no sarcasm there, it is wonderful for them) it doesn't do me much good;
• some very nice local girl friends but at the end of the day, hanging out with a bunch of girls doesn't and never has held much allure for me ; and
• a fun group of guys that are nice to me, make me laugh, look out for me and as long as they're wives or live in girlfriends are okay with it, they'll join me for a drink or two or three or four.

I'm also very self sufficient, have a better than decent job and am fairly financially secure ... so what's the problem you ask?

The looming birthday. The big 31. Had me in a state. I mean what happens to people like me as they get older ...? At some point the wives and girlfriends make the guys stay home and the man haters get artificially inseminated and I ... well, I don't like cats, and, and, and ...

Yeah, it was crazy but it was all I could think about - I wrote an email to someone wondering if my sister will take care of me when I'm 90 and she's 81 ... but, eventually, thank God, I realized that enough is enough and I had to let it go. It'll all work out one way or another and if it comes to it I'm sure my sister will take care of me, right?

So, I'm back.

Had a great b'day weekend. Mellow, which I needed. Really, really needed. But fine. Fun. Nice. I ran 6 miles. Got massaged and facialed. Watched the marathon and saw Barenaked Ladies in concert.

Great concert (despite my music snob friends looking down on me for it) ... they didn't sing happy birthday to me and they didn't sing the i've seen you naked song but either of those things might have been too much to ask for so ... all in all a good day.

G'night.

Never fear. Crisis averted for now.