If I write it ...

it will happen. Or at least, it will be no less likely to happen than if I didn't write it so ... I should have gone to the gym or tried to organize my clothes for the vacation that may or may not be happening beginning Sunday (see, previous post). But instead I 'rested my eyes', ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and read some blogs. In my defense, I did work out with the trainer for one hour this morning ... but that was not running. or biking. or swimming.

So, I am verbalizing my intention of going to bed in the next 21 minutes (by 11) and running or maybe even biking in the morning and maybe even swimming tomorrow night. I have worked myself into a ball of stress over ALL I HAVE TO DO in the next 6 weeks but ... it'll get done. The packing, paining and finding enough money to pay for the apartment - it'll happen. But it can't happen just yet. So no sense worrying. I'm much better served trying to get in a few more workouts because this will help with my summer tris AND if my vacation with 2x and his new chick is really not some weird figment of my imagination, well, I'm gonna look hot;)

Down to 19 minutes. Wish me luck ... g'night.

6 Days ...

until I leave for vacation. I'm not excited. I mean, I am excited to not be at work, and in theory I'm excited to be going to a warm beach place but ... is this real? Am I really going on vacation? With 2x? And 2x's girlfriend? And 2x is going to be nice to me? And I'm staying in a room with Dave? For 7 days? Got to be a fantasy ... er, nightmare, right?

And am I really buying an apartment? Because I'm not sure I can afford an apartment. Particularly because I just bought a new bike to ride on the century ride I signed up for. Which means I'm planning to ride a bike 100 miles? Are they putting crack in the coffee again? And if I am buying an apartment exactly when am I supposed to pack, paint the old apartment etc.? Particularly because every weekend until now and when I am allegedly moving has an activity. Some of which are fairly significant - like the vacation, my sister's graduation, the 100 mile bike ride ... to name a few.

And the apartment has two bedrooms and two bathrooms but I'm living in it alone, right? Is this going to scare away suitors? Or am I just unsuitable? Does this mean I'm a grown up? I don't think I'm ready for that. Although, if being a grown up means that your mother no longer drives you crazy then I might, might just be ready.

Maybe.

So yeah. This is what goes through my head all day. And a fair amount of math (related to my fear of biting off more than I can financially chew). And you wonder why I don't write more often. Well, that and I'm pretty sure no one reads this ... hello? Anyone out there?

I'm still here ...

First off, apologies for the two month hiatus. Sometimes there is just so much to say its hard to know where to start ...

I could tell you about the insomnia, the drama at work (well, technically I probably couldn't tell you about that it any meaningful fashion), the visit from Chicago friend or work friend's weird illness and subsequent hospital stay ... or I could just hit the high points:

• I'm buying a condo. A two bedroom/two bath with views of Manhattan, the Hudson River and the George Washington Bridge. A condo that I can't really afford. Well, I suppose I can afford the payments but scrounging up closing costs between now and June is going to be tight. Doable, but tight.

• After years of swimming and swimming lessons and swim team, I read a book about swimming and now I can bilateral breath. Probably not well, but good enough for now.

• I ran a half marathon two weeks ago. The day after I rode my bike 30 miles. It wasn't ideal planning but the weather gods didn't cooperate. I did not do as well as I would have liked - at one point it had been a goal race for me - but I did well considering the circumstances (the alluded to insomnia and condo purchased led to a lack of working out, it was cold, I was alone, I was really, really running late that morning, and then the bike ride).

• I ran a 10K yesterday. The day after I rode my bike 40 miles. Triathlon friend did it with me. I was very impressed with my time considering the circumstances (err, that I was rather hung over).

• I rode my bike over the George Washington Bridge with my bike group. It was terrifying. But fun. And if I stick with it and find I can in fact afford the condo, I think I'm going to upgrade my bike.

• Things are good. I'm busy. But content. There are times in my life when all I've wanted is to be in a relationship, to have a sense of what the future might hold. I part of me still wants that - particularly the sense of what the future might hold, but I'm in a place where I don't really want to compromise. I like sleeping in the middle of the bed. And working out when I want. And eating cereal for dinner. I guess I'm not saying that I don't want a relationship or the potential of a family but I want it to fit into my current life. With 1x I feel like I gave too much up - too much time with friends, too many hobbies, too much time in my own apartment - next time around, I'm not going more than half way.

Also, its not worth a bullet point, but I'm excited for my trip to Costa Rica with 2x and his gf. I wasn't for awhile because of some drama, but I think it passed.

So kiddies, if you're still out there, I hope you're doing well and I'll try to be better at staying in touch;)

Exciting Friday Night

I just did my taxes. I thought I was going to owe a lot more than I do (in fact, i have to pay a bit to the feds and nj but am getting a bunch back from ny) which confirms my suspicion that i need to call the financial planner.

So that is the excitement for the night.

I worked out with the trainer at 6:30 this morning and am tiRED, which is why I didn't even try to make plans for tonight. Plus, I keep intending to run with the group on Saturday morning and then I check the weather. Tomorrow's forecast? Wind chill of 12. WTF? So is there any way in hell that I can run 10 miles on the mill?? I just don't know if that is even possible. I'm gonna have to play with the speed and stuff a lot to keep me entertained. I've found that the TM is much more manageable if I break it up into quarter miles - maybe I can do half miles tomorrow? Yeah, I might die of boredom.

Assuming boredom doesn't get the better of me I'd like to go swimming, get my nails done, buy some moisturizing shampoo (my hair is seriously SO dry), dinner with the girls at 5:30, going to see a play, then on sunday biking 12 miles, working, massage and superbowl. So yeah, I'm on crack. No way it'll all get done. Particularly if I had tried to go out tonight.

In other non exciting news? I have high cholesterol and low vitamin B12. Which sucks because I eat well, I'm not over weight, I exercise ... so not sure what to do about the cholesterol and as to the B12, I'm taking a multi-vitamin but everything that is high in B12 is also high in cholesterol ... so, that's the excitement:)

Need to infuse some excitement into this life I've got going. Maybe its time to buy a new bike with that tax refund ...

Happy weekend, kids.

Its official ... and I'm on crack (again)

Its way late. I should have been in bed a long time ago if I intend to get up in the a.m. for a work out but ...

Its official. The first time I ever went to a wedding I was a senior in college (yeah, close family we are, right ... damn cousins didn't invite us) and I was in the wedding. And she was one of my best friends and he was a good friend. They had two wonderful, beautiful children. Then he had an affair and left and today the divorce was official. Its strange. Really strange.

And the crack? Well, a friend is getting married in Costa Rica in May and I need a vacation. So its perfect, right? Go down a bit early and hang out. Except everyone I know that is going is part of a couple. And half of one of those couples is 2x. So my plan was to go with triathlon friend and her husband for a little pre-wedding adventure. Not ideal for any of involved but the best I could come up with. Separate from this, 2x's friend (we'll call him Dave because, well, that's his name and even I'm having a hard time keeping up with the nicknames) was doing something similar with 2x and 2x's girl. So, after much emailing and convincing and flirting I have agreed, tentatively to combine our groups.

So yeah, that's my vacation. It has disaster written all over it. So someone, somewhere must have slipped me some crack for me to agree to this debacle, right?

Right.

'night.

Buff My Bologna ...

Its been awhile, kids. But, since the last time we spoke I participated in a conference call where someone said "he's asked for so much that the next thing you know he is going to be asking us to buff his bologna."

Um, ok. I've hard a lot of euphemisms for that, but buff the bologna??

Shortly thereafter, I had another encounter with WSB. It was fun. But, I haven't heard from him since. Nice. And typical. So I think I'm done with him. I'm not mad. Seriously, I haven't been angry at him at all. Maybe a bit disappointed in myself, but not really. All in good fun, ya know? Chalk it up to experience and stuff. But, I'm moving on. Or away. At least while I'm sober:)

Its also gotten F'ing cold. As a result, last weekend I did my 8 mile run on the 'mill. Which sucked. And made my hamstrings tighter than they've ever been in my life. So this weekend I decided I'd wait till after noon (when its warmest) and try for 10 outside miles. Unfortunately, I waited too long after eating and by mile 3 I was starving. So I ran 4.5 miles outside, at a bagel and finished 4.5 miles on the 'mill. Does that count as a 9 mile run? I say yes ...

And that has been about all the excitement in my life. I stayed in last night and tonight (Friday and Saturday) and am almost excited about it. The thought of going out in the cold just wasn't doing it for me. So I worked, finished a book, blogged, payed the piano ... its been nice. Although, I KNOW that it stresses my mother out, but what can you do??

So that's it kids. I think its a the winter doldrums. Just working out a ton and laying low on the heels of my last WSB encounter. I'm sure excitement will return soon but until then ... hope you're all doing well:)

What a pain in the butt ...

I have.

Ran 6 miles with the running club on Saturday morning at about 10 min/mile pace followed by my first workout with the new trainer and today I am in PAIN. Wow. Probably didn't help that I just biked for 6 miles. 6 slow miles. I am a slow biker and a slow runner. But it was fun to run with people again and hopefully soon I'll be in shape.

Taking married friends for a drive around new jersey and then 24. Can not wait. And tomorrow, I should not have to work. Thank you MLK.

Later kids.

I don't run fast and I don't keep my money in my crotch, I swear ...

I need to get better at updating - I'm starting to forget what happened since we last chatted.

Hmmm, last week I was more PMS-ey than I've been since I was 16. Last Friday, after a rough week at work, I was in a foul, foul mood. But, I wound up deciding to go to my parent's house for dinner and then coming back to where I live with my sister so that we could go to the bar with the HOT, and when I say hot, I mean HOT, bartender. It is seriously amazing how a good meal and a few drinks and a HOT guy can cure even the worse case of PMS.

Saturday, I had my first piano lesson. We got off to a bit of a rough start because ... she thought I was there for voice lesson. VOICE lessons. Anyone who has ever heard me sings knows that I'm way, way beyond voice lessons. I am so awful, there is seriously no hope. But, once we got past that, the piano part was good. I'm actually impressed at how much I remember and it was fun and relaxing. I bought my piano ... er, keyboard, on Sunday which was a debacle. I stood in best buy for one hour and then, after some hoodlums stole a DVD, they decided they didn't have the keyboard I wanted. I was irrationally angry, near hysterical (PMS again) but my mom took pity on me (or was afraid that I'd kill someone if I didn't get the freakin keyboard) so she sped me to the best buy near their house and it was a success. I've practiced a bunch and I like it ... hopefully I'll stick with it long enough to be a decent player.

Sunday, before the key board debacle, I got up to go running with the new tri group in town. Only one other person showed up and he looked fast so we chatted a bit and then I sent him on his way - but, he told me that they were probably going to combine some of their runs with the local running group. So ...

... on Tuesday, I got home from work in time to go running with said local running group. Their website says that "people of all speeds and abilities" are welcome. And the Tuesday night run is only 1.5 miles and they recommend that people go to the Tuesday night run as their first run with the club ... so, yeah. Just because they welcome "people of all speeds and abilities" doesn't mean that said people actually show up. Everyone was very, very friends but um, they ran 6 minute miles AND they consider Tuesday nights to be a "speed workout." So, one poor guy took pity on me and ran with me so that I wouldn't get lost. But wow. He was talking to me the whole time and I was solely focused on not dying. Seriously. So after the run everyone goes to the bar with the HOT bartender and he was of course working. I order a beer and then realize that my money is in the little pocket in the front of my running tights and the only way to get it out is to reach my hand down there and fish around. So yeah, it looks basically like I'm sort of sticking my hand down my pants and then pulling out a sweaty 20. Nice. But, at least the runners were also nice, and cute and well, really fast. Even if I ruined things with the HOT bartender by handing him my sweaty crotch money I've got the runners:)

I have been so, so tired all week that I decided to stay in and recharge tonight ... I want to run with the group tomorrow and I'm meeting the trainer for the first time at 11 and then I have a bit of work to do and hopefully drinks with the girls tomorrow night. 24 starts Sunday and I, at least in theory, have off on Monday. So, hopefully next week I'll truly be able to start morning workouts mixed in with Tuesday night runs and hot guys:)

I'll try to update my fans on this weekend before we get to next weekend ... but, I hope you all had or are having fun Friday nights.

Update

I couldn't get out of bed yesterday, but I did set up my first appointment with the trainer and arrange for my first piano lesson so I'm counting that as a success.

This morning I only managed to get up in time to elliptical (for some reason, the thought of getting on the TM this morning was not appealing - I think I need to find some sort of high energy snack to get me going in the am - as it was I had a sliver of entemans cake, um, probably not the best although it did taste good) for 20 minutes - so I'm at least making progress, right?

In funny - as in Dear Lord bight your tongue funny- news, when I called the trainer yesterday she asked if I had just had a baby. Um, no. Most certainly, definitely, without a doubt, no. Apparently, Jen (my NYC trainer) recommended two people to the new trainer, one of whom had just had a baby. But, yeah, not me. Then this morning I had a drs. appointment with a new dr. I take some meds for a non-contagious, non-serious condition I have and you're not supposed to get pregnant while you're on them. Fine. But, b/c she's a new dr. she wants me to have a pregnancy test. WHAT IS GOING ON? I know, KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'm not PG (unless its immaculate) but given my high level of stress and ability to freak out about things that are even a little bit ... er, naked I don't like these questions and tests.

So, a midweek update for you. Happy Wednesday!

So, its been awhile ...

First, Christmas. It was good. Its strange how holidays change when we get older. It was nice to be home and I enjoy giving (and receiving!) but its not really the same as when we were younger and I sort of feel like there is this insane amount of pressure to be happy and have fun. But, it was fine. We were all sort of sick feeling but we made good fish sauce on Christmas Eve and got the grandparents to my house and back safely on Christmas day. The day after Christmas I went for a run, did some work and ran some errands ... then it was back to work on Wednesday. Seriously, I think everyone should have the days between Christmas and New Year's off because they kind of just suck. But I got a lot of work done so that was good.

Next, ANNIE!! I really thought I was going to get tickets to Annie for Christmas - growing up it was my favorite. Friend from growing up and I used to run around our house singing it for hours ... when I didn't get tickets I took matters into my own hands and got tickets for my mom and sister to go with me on Friday. It was fun ... although our seats were less than good and two ladies got into a fight ... a fight! ... about talking during the show or something and some 80 yr old usher had to break it up:) Moving my mom around the city was sort of a nightmare - she took the bus in and i made her take the subway and the PATH - she said that the things I have to do to get from point A to point B make it not worth going anywhere. Um, okay.

Finally, the New Year. I was not excited about NYE - local friends and I were going out to dinner in the neighboring town which I didn't really understand (if you're gonna stay local, well, then stay local ... ) but I bought a new outfit and made the best of it - it was fun. Not earth shattering but fun. My sister and three of her friends slept over that night - and they were DRUNK - I'm really glad that I don't get THAT drunk (anymore at least:)). I wasn't really hung over today but I was exhausted - I stayed up late waiting for them to get home and then it took them awhile to settle down. Lazed around most of the day today and am hoping to get the New Year off to a good start tomorrow. No real resolutions but a few goals:

• I work so much that it would really make life much more enjoyable if I could just get up earlier and get stuff done before work. I used to do it so I just have to get back into the groove - up and exercising before work.
• Not get as bothered by other people - whether its a jackass at work, a dumb boy or my mother in one of her moods.
• Start taking piano lessons again.
• Start working out with a trainer again.
• Consider taking golf lessons.
• Have fun!

Oh, one other funny thing. One night when I was drinking I told boy from work about this blog - and then immediately denied it. He remembers basically nothing I tell him when we're drinking but he remembered this. Ugg. I think it'd be hard for him to find this - I'm rather paranoid about being discrete and I haven't divulged details of anything he wouldn't want on here (random comments about his gf that he probably wound't want repeated for all to read) and I'm suppose that there is nothing on here I wouldn't want him to read ... but still. Oh well, we'll see.

I'll try to keep you all posted about the progress of my New Year's goals (particularly the piano lessons - I'm excited about that).

Wishing you all happy 2007s!

BTW

I was re-reading old posts and the petite crush on the ineligible bachelor? Crashed and burned. Thank God. He told me some things that made it very, VERY clear that I would never, NEVER want to go there. And for that I am thankful. We cna be friends but honestly, any thought that I might be interested in THAT way is long, long gone.

Good night for real.

I think I'm back in College ...

... and I kind of like it.

First things first. Work sucks. Big time. Like, I postponed my Christmas party until things calm down at work big time. So while its sad, its for the best. I mean today, I was so tired that my bones hurt. There is no way that I could have put up the tree and put on a party in the style that my guests have grown accustomed to much less enjoyed said party for myself. So its sad.

Its sad that I'm postponing the party. Particularly for work. Particularly because I'm working for a jackass. But, as always, there is a silver lining: WSB's birthday party is the same night. But before we get to that ...

Last Friday I worked until a bit after nine and met friend from work, his gf and WSB out for a few drinks. Friend from work and his gf left and I went home with WSB. It was fun ... but I woke up at 10:30 in NYC and had a haircut in NYC at 11:30 so going home was NOT an option. Which would have been fine except I had to go to work right after my hair cut. So yeah. I'm 31 and I got my hair cut and then bought some random clothes at the Gap so that I wouldn't show up to work in the same clothes two days in a row ....

So, I fended off the guilt on Sunday. I mean I am 31. I'm mature and responsible and if I want to fool around a little, well ... I can. But on Monday the guilt was creeping up when ... WSB emailed. Nothign earth shattering but ... we email every day (mostly) and when we see eachother he generally asks me to go home with him. And, well, it reminds me of college. You'd chat and maybe be a bit flirty when you saw eachother during the week (and, er, maybe did a bit of harmless stalking. i don't want to get off on a tangent here but do you have any, ANY, idea how efficient I could have been at running into people if we had the technology that the kids have these days ... i mean, back in the day we knew people's schedules and when they might be walking where and when they might be sitting where in the dining hall but now, with text messages and IM it'd be seamless ... but, i digress).

So, Saturday, WSB is having a b'day party. And with my own party off, the logical thing ... but does that look obvious? He knows how busy I've been and why I've canceled my party and he knows I might come to his party but ... there are gonna be 50 people there. What if he has someone else that he goes home with ...? What if he choses her and I get sad? But then again, what if he would have chosen me if I had come ...

Ugg. Being a girl sucks sometimes.

But, yeah. It reminds me of college because we're talking during the week and then plotting to see eachother on the weekends (well, I'm plotting, don't know if he is) and getting drunk and hooking up ... SO, we'll see.

I'm trying, trying hard, to not get ahead of myself with this BUT with 1x and 2x they both basically professed their love and intention to marry me very, very early on in the relationship. And, well, I am currently unloved (at least by unrelated members of the opposite sex) and unmarried so maybe this approach ... the sort of slow (but physical) get to know you approach will work? It works on tv. And I can think of at least one real life couple that I know of where they were physical long, long before they were a 'couple.' So maybe it'll work, and hopefully even if it doesn't work it'll be fun ...??

So thats that. I'll try to keep you posted but life, well, its crazy!

Wanna talk about the cold?

Because that is how cold it is ... you see someone and say, "it sure is cold out, huh?" Um, yeah. Makes no sense but you do it anyway. So far we've gone from 60s right after T-Day to low 30s earlier this week to 50 this morning to the teens tomorrow. My blood must have thinned because I KNOW parts of college were colder than this but I don't remember being this miserable ...

Anyway, I started taking vitamins, drinking this weird teaish drink and working out again and despite the insane buziness going on at work and with Christmas shopping, party planning etc. I feel pretty good. Strangely focused and not stressed out. Not sure whats up with that. So things are good, if not particularly eventful - the highlight of my weekend is getting my hair cut. And I think I'd like to see WSB but I'm not sure why ... we know what he wants, and we know what my position on that has historically been ... but, maybe we can work out a compromise. Hmmm.

Stay warm boys and girls!

So much to do, so little time.

Thanksgiving and the days that followed: they were sad, stressful, exhausting ... and my team lost. I could go on, but, what good would it do? But I'm determined to infuse some happiness into the looming Christmas season so the Christmas party is ON ... started buying decorations today. I hope it will be fun.

Of course, that leads me to the fact that this coming weekend is full of family stuff and the weekend before Christmas is the party so that leaves one weekend for all my party preparations AND Christmas shopping ... and I'm the fun infuser so ... yeah, it'll be busy.

I also think I need new sneakers. I ran 5 miles by my parents house and it seems that up hill and down hill are the only options (no flats) and now I have shin splints. Shin splints suck. It was probably the downhills but new kicks can't hurt, right?

I've been both emailing WSB and a guy on *that* website. At the end of the day, I don't think I'm ready for a Relationship but I might be able to swing a relationship (little r) or at least a bit of fun ... I'll keep you posted. Website guy told me to call him and I wrote him back with my phone number because, well, he's the boy.

I'm spent kids so this is all you get. Happy last days of November.

My girlfriend is hiding in the bathroom, so you can leave.

Yeah, someone said that to me last night. There was nothing untoward happening that should have led me to leave - just drama. Plain vanilla drama. That and I was petting a cat. And I don't really like cats. So there you have it. She hid in the bathroom and I left - knocking over a table in the process. Classic really.

Happy T-Day.

You sounded tired, so I thought I'd call the dating service.

Saturday morning my mom calls at 11. For some of you, 11 is probably really late. Some of you probably did more before 11 than I did all day. Well, good for you:) But I was still in bed at 11, so good for me too ... Mom told me about the wedding she had been at the night before, asked what I did the night before (pretty much nothing) and then asked why on earth I sounded so tired ... um, because I just woke up? She was annoying me so we got off the phone.

Fast forward a few hours, I've had coffee and breakfast and read the paper. I have to ask mom some cooking question so I call her back. After we discuss the broccoli (don't ask) I ask her if I sound more awake - she tells me that I do and that it puts her in a bad mood when I sound tired. She then went on to say that when I sound tired she thinks of me sitting in my apartment in some deep dark depression AND she almost called a dating service for me. Um, in what universe does this make sense? Not mine. I clarified that if she ever did in fact call a dating service for me I would not talk to her for a long, long time.

In other news, I finally, finally ate at the restaurant I've been trying to eat at since I moved to NYC - thanks Mom & Dad. I also ran 8 miles on Sunday and biked 8 miles this evening. So, go me:)

Sadly, my grandmother on my Dad's side is not doing well, so let's say a prayer for her and for Dad and for us and give thanks for what we do have.

Happy short week ...

My boobs have gotten bigger but Hartford is not near New Jersey.

A few weeks ago I went home and my mom's boobs looked different ... I commented and she said that her new and improved boobage was the result of some new bras that she got fitted for and bought at the mall - turns out she has been in wearing the wrong size for years and the right size made quite the difference.

So, this past weekend I decided I need to replace some of my bras ... because you know, someday hell might freeze over and someone might see them. I headed to the mall and I got fitted as well (and just in case you were wondering, you keep your clothes on and there is no touching of your actual boobs). Turns out that all these years I've been wearing a size 34B and I should be wearing a size 34C ... who knew? And let me tell you, have you ever worn tight socks and boots all day and then had to stand in a bar at night ... you're feet swell, the socks are tight and by the time you get home your feet/ankles are beginning to loose circulation? Well, the difference between the right size bra and one that is too small is similar to the difference between tight socks and boots and flip flops ... TMI?

And then I went to Hartford. Dad was in Japan and flew back through Detroit where he got stuck. Not wanting to say over night in Detroit he decide to fly to Hartford ... and in case you were wondering, Hartford is not near where I live. Got some quality time in the new car as Mom and I drove 3 hours there and 3 hours bag to retrieve Dad ... but, he would have done it for me so I can't complain. Well, actually I can complain and I have and sort of I am but I did it willingly so I get an A for effort.

This week was a bit crazy - slow at work and too many happy hours that went too late but it was fun. I think that my theory is that there are so many times when I am busy at work or I don't have anything to do that when there are options to go out I should take advantage of them. So I did. And it was fun. And sometimes things aren't what they seem. And its my perogative to change my mind ... and I might be about WSB. But I'm not sure. And that is okay too. We'll see.

Happy weekend.

I have a car and my tapeworm is making me tired.

So, finally got the car and I'm glad because George the car guy and I were getting to know WAY too much about eachother. I still maintain that I don't deserve the car, but I really, really like it. It drives like a dream (yeah, I really just wrote that, I like the way it drives but lets fact it: I'm car illiterate so whether or not it does in fact drive like a dream? No clue.), and does lots of cool things (like know if its raining or if it should turn the radio up because you're driving faster) and it has heated LEATHER seats and its blue tooth enabled - if someone calls you their voice comes out of the ceiling:) So driving out of the city yesterday was fun (well, despite the horrific traffic) and I went back and forth to my parent's once already and I'll do it again tomorrow.

That said, I've really got to curb my spending habits - I spent a crazy amount of money at Saks - yeah it was all on sale and I do need new clothes but ... still. Tomorrow I need to get makeup, underwear and a present for dad's bday but then I'm done for awhile. Really. I am.

This week I've been exhausted to the point of delirium and insatiable hungry. I don't know whats wrong with me - well, actually I do, but for the sake of my boy reader I'll spare you (although, he's married so he probably know how these things work) ... lets just say that I haven't been this tired or hungry in my, err, tired week, in years. I got home from my parent's at noon, laid down on the couch and PASSED out for two hours. Then woke up starving, so I'm blaming it on a tapeworm ... unless you have a better idea:)

In a few minutes I'm going to run 6 miles on the treadmill - yeah, it'll suck, but I don't have an outside run in my right now (even though it is a beautiful day) and then I'm going to make myself look pretty and I'm going out to dinner with a friend who deserves a fun night out ... so I'm gonna do my best to provide it to her!

WSB (walk of shame boy) invited me out for a drink Thursday night and I fabricated plans - just wasn't in the mood to be flirty or not be flirty or to decide which I wanted to be. Either I don't like him or it was the tapeworm again. Not sure.

Also, I think I have a petite crush on a VERY ineligible bachelor. Not good. But fun:) And will make me wear the new clothes. I think it'll either bloom or fizzle soon so I'll keep you posted.

Happy weekends to all!

Let it go ...

Sometimes you just have to let it go. It took awhile for me to realize but I did realize and I have let it go ... and wow, what a difference an attitude adjustment makes.

You see, the thing is that I have:

• a wonderful family;
• some great friends from my school years but they don't, for the most part, live near by - and even if they did they're married, some with kids, and while that's great for them (seriously, no sarcasm there, it is wonderful for them) it doesn't do me much good;
• some very nice local girl friends but at the end of the day, hanging out with a bunch of girls doesn't and never has held much allure for me ; and
• a fun group of guys that are nice to me, make me laugh, look out for me and as long as they're wives or live in girlfriends are okay with it, they'll join me for a drink or two or three or four.

I'm also very self sufficient, have a better than decent job and am fairly financially secure ... so what's the problem you ask?

The looming birthday. The big 31. Had me in a state. I mean what happens to people like me as they get older ...? At some point the wives and girlfriends make the guys stay home and the man haters get artificially inseminated and I ... well, I don't like cats, and, and, and ...

Yeah, it was crazy but it was all I could think about - I wrote an email to someone wondering if my sister will take care of me when I'm 90 and she's 81 ... but, eventually, thank God, I realized that enough is enough and I had to let it go. It'll all work out one way or another and if it comes to it I'm sure my sister will take care of me, right?

So, I'm back.

Had a great b'day weekend. Mellow, which I needed. Really, really needed. But fine. Fun. Nice. I ran 6 miles. Got massaged and facialed. Watched the marathon and saw Barenaked Ladies in concert.

Great concert (despite my music snob friends looking down on me for it) ... they didn't sing happy birthday to me and they didn't sing the i've seen you naked song but either of those things might have been too much to ask for so ... all in all a good day.

G'night.

Never fear. Crisis averted for now.

Very, very interesting.

Friday night was rather drunken and ended at the same bar as Walk of Shame Boy (WSB). The night was coming to a close and, after nothing more than casual conversation throughout the night, WSB blurts out, "So, do you want to come home with me." Um, no. Even if Guy from Work hadn't been there or if I hadn't had bad underwear on, unshaven legs and things to do Saturday morning, the answer would have been no. There was some begging and pleading (on his part) and I pointed out, for the record, that even if I were to go home with him I still wouldn't sleep with him and then he tried to convince me that he "just wanted someone to lay next to." Um, give me a break. I told him that I didn't believe him, he'd change his mind when we got home, and then say more mean things to me.

So I left.

And when I woke up Saturday morning he had emailed me. And we've emailed on and off the past two days. So its very, very interesting that when I did go home with him I didn't hear from him and when I didn't go home with him he shows some interest. I guess a little hard to get (not that I'm sure thats what I'm doing, I might just not be interested) is sometimes a good thing.

Kind of crazy weekend was rounded out with a few uneventful bike rides and runs ... not worth going into detail here.

In other news, Guy from Work lent me some CDs. One, The Hold Steady, has a line "I've had kisses that make judas seem sincere." Not suprisingly, I like that line ...