Hard

Admittedly, I tend toward the melodramatic, but I feel that life's been hard lately.  Which is maybe why I haven't written.  Because this is supposed to be about so much fun, and lately it seems that I can barely get through the day.

I've been trying really hard to go to yoga once a week, and in every class my 'intention' is to 'accept the things I can not change' because otherwise I labor through my day worrying about those things.  Its a long list and it bring me to hyperventilation or tears almost daily.  It includes broad out of my control things like: the economy, my personal job security, whether the country will possibly recover from the next 4-8 years in my lifetime, if the boy has disappeared or is just busy, if he's disappeared why, if I like him anyway, if I'll ever get married, if I'll ever have kids, if I could in good faith bring a child into this world given the way I feel about the next 4-8 years, when Joe Biden's predicted attack will occur ... and I'm sure there is more.

I've also been insanely busy at work (which is good) but makes it hard for me to fit in workouts which in turn makes me more inclined to worry anxiously.  

A vicious circle really.

But I'm trying. Some days and weeks start off with good resolve.  And tomorrow has potential - yoga and a haircut in the morning and then probably a long day of work ... not ideal, but at least a plan.  And I am planning races and maybe ski trips and possibly a Christmas party - all things to look forward to and well within my control.

So just know that I'm here and I'm trying and I'll be back with more regularity when hyperventilating isn't taking up so much of my time:)

Later.