Blah, blah, blah

It was a long week preceded by a long weekend.  Work was stressful ... for no real reason, just because it wasn't cake.  And because I was expected to be the one to know things, and I do know them, but because I'm the only one to know them, there was no there to confirm that I know what I know I know.  And all my fears and insecurities came to the surface (well, that might be a bit extreme ... let's just say I was tense).  Got it?

Yeah.  Me either.

All I know is that the tension made me nauseous and tired and working out, well, other than one good swim, it was crappy (when it was anything at all).

And then my mother picked a fight with me, because she was mad at my brother!  And of the three of us, my brother, my sister and I, I'm the sensitive one.  I'm the one that takes it all to heart and winds up crying hysterically at work  And while I have an office all lined up as soon as someone is ready to kick off the domino effect, right now I'm in a cube.  Which is not conducive to hysterics, so I had to hide in the conference room until I could breath.  And when I finally had it out of my mind, she called to apologize which got me upset all over again because WHY would you do that to ME when you know that you could it to the other two and they'd say "ok" and hang up the phone?

Anyway.

I needed to eat without puking and sleep for my road trip tomorrow (more on that later) but I wanted to run a little bit ... to make up for this week's crappiness.  But its pouring.  And once I start running outside I hate the t.mill.  So ... I needed new music.  Right?  Right.

I'm not a huge music affectionado (although, this blog is named after a cowboy mouth song), which is to say, that I'm not all adventurous and going to shows and out there finding the next great thing.  But if someone tells me about a band, I'll listen.  As long as it has words, that I can understand, that make sense, that tell a story*.  At my old job, a coworker would lend me cds (which is how i came to like the hold steady), I'd listen to them on the t.mill and decide if I liked them.

But, alas, I'm not at my old job.  So here I am, at the end of a crappy week, forced to go for a quick t.mill run and no one to ask for some new tunes (I suppose I could have asked the old co-worker but, except for this blog, I try not to advertise my Friday night lameness).  And then I remembered reading good things about the raconteurs.  I was hesitant, because I'm not sure if the guy that wrote the good things, determines if he likes a song based on its lyrics (does anyone do that?).  But I listened to some of the itunes clips and it seemed okay and it was Friday night and I was desperate for something, anything sort of good to happen ... so  I bought an album (yeah, I know.  a bit all or nothing. but how would i choose?) and I listened to it on the t.mill right up until my run began to suck (given the little I ate today, I can't complain) and then in the kitchen while I ate and ... that shit is awesome!  I'll need more time before I come up with a favorite line, but I can go to bed knowing that there was one good thing in a week of bile producing insecurity.  And that gives me hope that tomorrow's field trip might not be a complete failure.  And that I can use my knowledge of this band to counteract my previously professed obsession with James Blunt;)

*Seriously.  I have favorite lines, more than songs.  Like EVERY word of So Much Fun or, for the Hold Steady: "I've had kisses that made Judas look sincere."  Wouldn't you love to spit that at someone?  You make Judas seem sincere!  Followed by the slam of a door and the flip of some hair.