If I write it ...

it will happen. Or at least, it will be no less likely to happen than if I didn't write it so ... I should have gone to the gym or tried to organize my clothes for the vacation that may or may not be happening beginning Sunday (see, previous post). But instead I 'rested my eyes', ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and read some blogs. In my defense, I did work out with the trainer for one hour this morning ... but that was not running. or biking. or swimming.

So, I am verbalizing my intention of going to bed in the next 21 minutes (by 11) and running or maybe even biking in the morning and maybe even swimming tomorrow night. I have worked myself into a ball of stress over ALL I HAVE TO DO in the next 6 weeks but ... it'll get done. The packing, paining and finding enough money to pay for the apartment - it'll happen. But it can't happen just yet. So no sense worrying. I'm much better served trying to get in a few more workouts because this will help with my summer tris AND if my vacation with 2x and his new chick is really not some weird figment of my imagination, well, I'm gonna look hot;)

Down to 19 minutes. Wish me luck ... g'night.

6 Days ...

until I leave for vacation. I'm not excited. I mean, I am excited to not be at work, and in theory I'm excited to be going to a warm beach place but ... is this real? Am I really going on vacation? With 2x? And 2x's girlfriend? And 2x is going to be nice to me? And I'm staying in a room with Dave? For 7 days? Got to be a fantasy ... er, nightmare, right?

And am I really buying an apartment? Because I'm not sure I can afford an apartment. Particularly because I just bought a new bike to ride on the century ride I signed up for. Which means I'm planning to ride a bike 100 miles? Are they putting crack in the coffee again? And if I am buying an apartment exactly when am I supposed to pack, paint the old apartment etc.? Particularly because every weekend until now and when I am allegedly moving has an activity. Some of which are fairly significant - like the vacation, my sister's graduation, the 100 mile bike ride ... to name a few.

And the apartment has two bedrooms and two bathrooms but I'm living in it alone, right? Is this going to scare away suitors? Or am I just unsuitable? Does this mean I'm a grown up? I don't think I'm ready for that. Although, if being a grown up means that your mother no longer drives you crazy then I might, might just be ready.

Maybe.

So yeah. This is what goes through my head all day. And a fair amount of math (related to my fear of biting off more than I can financially chew). And you wonder why I don't write more often. Well, that and I'm pretty sure no one reads this ... hello? Anyone out there?

I'm still here ...

First off, apologies for the two month hiatus. Sometimes there is just so much to say its hard to know where to start ...

I could tell you about the insomnia, the drama at work (well, technically I probably couldn't tell you about that it any meaningful fashion), the visit from Chicago friend or work friend's weird illness and subsequent hospital stay ... or I could just hit the high points:

• I'm buying a condo. A two bedroom/two bath with views of Manhattan, the Hudson River and the George Washington Bridge. A condo that I can't really afford. Well, I suppose I can afford the payments but scrounging up closing costs between now and June is going to be tight. Doable, but tight.

• After years of swimming and swimming lessons and swim team, I read a book about swimming and now I can bilateral breath. Probably not well, but good enough for now.

• I ran a half marathon two weeks ago. The day after I rode my bike 30 miles. It wasn't ideal planning but the weather gods didn't cooperate. I did not do as well as I would have liked - at one point it had been a goal race for me - but I did well considering the circumstances (the alluded to insomnia and condo purchased led to a lack of working out, it was cold, I was alone, I was really, really running late that morning, and then the bike ride).

• I ran a 10K yesterday. The day after I rode my bike 40 miles. Triathlon friend did it with me. I was very impressed with my time considering the circumstances (err, that I was rather hung over).

• I rode my bike over the George Washington Bridge with my bike group. It was terrifying. But fun. And if I stick with it and find I can in fact afford the condo, I think I'm going to upgrade my bike.

• Things are good. I'm busy. But content. There are times in my life when all I've wanted is to be in a relationship, to have a sense of what the future might hold. I part of me still wants that - particularly the sense of what the future might hold, but I'm in a place where I don't really want to compromise. I like sleeping in the middle of the bed. And working out when I want. And eating cereal for dinner. I guess I'm not saying that I don't want a relationship or the potential of a family but I want it to fit into my current life. With 1x I feel like I gave too much up - too much time with friends, too many hobbies, too much time in my own apartment - next time around, I'm not going more than half way.

Also, its not worth a bullet point, but I'm excited for my trip to Costa Rica with 2x and his gf. I wasn't for awhile because of some drama, but I think it passed.

So kiddies, if you're still out there, I hope you're doing well and I'll try to be better at staying in touch;)