Chocolate Therapy ...

I'm not being kitchy, that was the name of the ice cream I had a whole bowl of for lunch. Dark chocolate ice cream, chocolate cookies and chocolate pudding swirls ... and it was very therapeutic and unlike the drink that was plan B was less likely to get me fired. Sometimes you just have to do whatever it takes to get through the day ...

Really it all started on Sunday with the 4 am wake up call. It was a sprint triathlon day ...

Made it to the city to put my bike in the van and drive the people to transition. Set up transition, warmed up in the DE-SGUSTING water ... seriously, the bottom was all slimy and there were all sort of seaweedy things and other floaties, it smelled funny and it was COLD. But, I'm a big fan of the warm up. I think it helped. Not enough. But some.

We were in wave 4 and it came up quickly. Triathlon friend and I placed ourselves to the right and waited a few seconds to avoid the washing machine. This also helped. I swam swimmingly for the first 5 minutes or so but then, as my HR started to rise, I decided to assess how far I had come and how far I had to go - this was a bad move on two levels: 1) I was in the middle of NOWHERE, the first buoy was miles away and the shore was maybe even further (exaggerate much?) and 2) the swimming to treading water transition made me dizzy. Really dizzy. And I freaked out. Thought about quiting. But the nearest lifeguard wasn't that near. So I decided to wander over to the further lifeguard (who also happened to be in the direction I needed to go) and make a decision when I got there. When I did in fact finally get there I had gotten my panic and heart rate under control enough to put my head down and swim to the end. Not of course without some random dude next to me freaking out when he touched part of this random metal structure that was in the middle of the course - I seriously thought he was drowning and that I was going to have to play the hero. But, alas, he was just over-reacting (I would NEVER do that ... for example if a huge bug landed on me in Costa Rica I would not scream bloody murder. Never. Not me.). I finished the swim but the end sucked - it was definitely long and it was impossible to get in. Everyone felt that way so it must have been some sort of current thing.

Anyway, swim = 21:25 (although, by my watch it was closer to 19 - there was a long trek to T1 and again, switching positions made me dizzy). Goal: avoid 5 minute freak out; I think if I just keep swimming, maybe start out slower to avoid sudden heart rate spike, I'll be good to go in this regard.

T1 = 2:57. Not bad I think.

Bike = The course was two loops and very technical. A few rollers. I knocked my HRM off in T1 so I don't know the details, but I had a hard time getting my heart rate under control. I was breathing heavily the whole time but my pace was decent ...

42:50 for 18.2 mph. Goal: just keep riding, maybe start out slower to get my HR down and realize that a less technical, more scenic (ie, not through an office park) would have been a lot better. Need to get in a few 50ish milers in preparation for the oly. Also ... drinking and driving. Gotta practice that!

T2 = 2:57. At least I'm consistent. I sat down, had a gel, adjusted my new visor (which I love) and had a HORRIFIC rack placement. Excuses.

Run = Dear lord shoot me. Needed water. Needed shade. Needed my legs to work. Needed it to end. The course was insanely short. I finished with walking only through the water stops so I think I'm happy enough.

Sherpa Ian had a good comment - you can't compare one tri to another because especially in the swim, the distances, terrain etc. aren't the same. You can compare your time in the same tri over several years and to a lesser extent you can compare your age group placement. So, I was 32nd out of 56 people in my age group. Goal: be in the top 50% ... we'll have to check on that next year ...

Post tri, it took FOREVER to get home. And there were some annoyances. But I made it. Ate, showered and was off to grandma's for fathers day ...

Strangely full of energy when I got home I packed and cleaned and went to bed around 11:30 AND ... are you ready for this? I got up this morning and swam 2000 yards. My goal until the oly on July 22 is to swim 4-6 days a week or else I seriously might drown. We'll see. At any rate, this left me tired and mortgage people suck and I'm moving to a flood zone and when I got a not what I wanted to hear email I cried. I shut the door and cried ... and here we come full circle to: chocolate therapy. Yummo!

Speaking of Yummo ... met up with the girls for Thai on Saturday (carbo loading ...). I like my local girl friends more and more lately. In an all in good fun moment they tried to embarrass me (cause sometimes it is sooo easy) but I rolled with the punches and the result made me giggle. So yeah, just lay on me and move your arms and legs. It'll make you a better swimmer ...

And speaking of better swimmers, shout out to my friend Dave. He finished his first tri - an oly no less - and 6 weeks ago in Costa Rica he sank to the bottom of the pool when he tried to swim. But he did it. Despite no wetsuits being allowed and swimming to the wrong buoy he persevered (I so would have freaked out and swam to the hottest ... er, nearest life guard) to have a speedy swim and bike. So cheers for David.

Time for bed kiddies or else there will be more chocolate therapy tomorrow.

What about a duathlon?

Because I'm fairly sure that you can't drown if you don't get in the water ... but say, hypothetically, that you and triathlon friend decide to get up early Sunday morning and drive down to the beach for a little practice? You meet up with a tri group that has allowed you (upon receipt of a nice little fee) to participate in their open water practice ... and you get there and its cold, and the waves are big ... and rough. Not the sunny day orderly waves that are fun but the scary, cloudy day waves that can send you ass over tin cans (umm, I read that in a magazine today ... its not one of my normal phrases. I swear.) and that cause the lifeguards to stand at water's edge and flinch often? Have I set the scene?

You're leery, maybe because you've been in these waves or similar waves and been knocked around, you've seen the people pulled out shaken and on rare occasions blue ... you know what this can do ... but you're there and you've paid so you and triathlon friend try to get your sea legs. You bounce around in the waves and its all good. You manage to swim out to the buoy and around it and parallel to the shore and back in. But these waves are big ... and you're not swimming so much as surviving and then they propose you do it again. It doesn't seem like a good idea but everyone else is doing it so you head in. And this time it is better. You actually swim and deal with the waves and you're almost to the buoy, you look up to see exactly where it is and get met, head on with a wave and you drink it. And cough. And realize the ridiculousness of the proposed swim. You're not in trouble but worry that you could be so you inform the lifeguard that you're heading in. No, you obviously, clearly, without a doubt do not want a ride on the kayak. So you swim and swim and swim and are about where you started. You swim and swim and swim some more and have still made no progress. So a little lifeguard guy comes over to escort you in .... grrrrrrrrrreat. To highlight the fact that you are in control of the situation you talk to lifeguard guy and comment that you're swimming but ummm, not really going anywhere. At which points lifeguard guy tells you that you're caught in a bit of a rip tide. Perfect. Exactly what you wanted to hear. You start swimming parallelish (b/c that is what you do in a rip) and finally get to where you can stand but at this point you are spent. So you ask lifeguard guy to pull you in a bit which causes other older lifeguard dude to get all bay watch on you and come sprinting out to the rescue. You wave him off and slowly make it in with the help of your original helper .... but, ugg.

So hypothetically, if that happened the weekend before your first sprint tri of the season you'd think about a duathlon too, right? Right. And even if you got in some decent close to shore swimming after the near drowning and even though you KNOW that you can do it ... you'd still consider that duathlon ... trust me. You would.

Fortunately the day before the hypothetical near drowning you ran a 10K in almost the exact same time as the 10K you ran a month ago ... normally one might not think that this was progress ... perhaps not a digression but not progress. Except it was the first hot day of the summer running season and everyone suffered ... without the heat and humidity you probably could have done better, right? Right. So I'd call that progress ...

Round that out with a party that seemed to attract every single pregnant woman in northern jersey and you've got my weekend.

Hypothetically.

the F word

Last night I went to a wine tasting with a friend from work. We were talking to a friend of a friend who had a date this week and was deciding whether or not to accept date #2. I told her my theory that unless there was a definite deal breaker you always have to accept date #2 (and probably date #3). "Was there a deal breaker?" I asked. She responded that he used the "F word" once or twice and she wasn't sure, but she thought that was a deal breaker.

Oh dear.

I resisted the urge to ask if he used it as a verb or an adjective. ... I might be able to argue that repeated use of the F word as a verb could be a deal breaker ... but really, I'm sure I've dropped the F bomb on dates. I think that there is something cathartic about the curse and I use it just enough so that it doesn't loose its effectiveness ... perhaps why I'm still single ??

Up next, drinks under protest (I really just want to go home) for a friend going away, sushi, painting and a 10K in the morning ...

la, la, la.

I swam a thousand yards ...

... it took me 18 minutes. I believe that is 1:48 per hundred. In my last tri I swam 880 yds (otherwise known as .5 mile) at a pace equaling 1:36 per hundred. I think this is good, right? I wasn't really prepared for this 1000 yards swim - in fact at 3 pm today I gave serious thought to napping on my floor and I wasn't swimming as fast as I could and I didn't have a wetsuit on ... of course, I also didn't have anyone kicking me in the face. Hmmm. Who knows?

The next few weeks are going to be busy:

Today: swimming
Tomorrow: wine tasting with friend from work
Fri: finish painting apartment
Sat: 10K; married friend's birthday in the 'burbs
Sun: open water swim practice; last sopranos
Mon: L's show for a photography class she took
Tues: trainer; graduation for bike riding thingy
Wen: pre-Closing walk through of new apartment
Thurs: pick up tri packet; local tri meeting; trainer's going away party
Fri: finish packing
Sat: finish packing
Sun: tri; father's day
Mon/Tues:?
Wen: Closing!
Thurs/Fri:?
Sat: MOVE

WOW!

I think I'm gonna go to bed - better sleep while I can;)

Century Ride/Costa Rica Revisted

Well, kiddies. Mission accomplished. Finished my first century ride - going into the ride, especially given the early hour at which it started and the not in my own bed (now, now I stayed on Triathlon Friend's couch the night before ... nothing exciting) sleep the night prior I had serious doubts. But in the end I wasn't going to be the one to call for help so I pressed on and made it to the finish.

There is no real fun and exciting way to describe 100+ miles of bike riding ...

yup, that's right ...

100+ Miles of Bike Riding? Unfortunately the PLUS was not well publicized. The ride was advertised as a century. For those not in the know, that is 100 miles. Sure, they had a cue sheet but the road was marked and I can barely ride my bike and drink so I wasn't looking at the cue sheet. The "last" eight miles were rough, around mile 85 I picked up the pace for a bit thinking that the faster I pedaled the faster I'd get off the bike which was pretty much the only thing I could think about at that point (do you have any idea the extent to which your ass hurts after 7 hours of biking ...?). I regretted that pace pick up around mile 92 but I pushed on counting down the miles one by one ... and when I got to mile 100 the ride did not end and there was no sign that it would end any time soon. Not being the Never Ending Ride, it did eventually end ... 4 miles later. What's 4 more miles after you've ridden 100 you ask? Well, I'm here to tell you its hell.

That being said, I got the giggles twice. You know when you think of something funny and you start laughing and you just can't stop? The first time was right after our 50 mile rest stop and one of the girls we were riding with said something in Spanish. I thought of Costa Rica and Dave's planned speech to the U.N. in which he would explain (in Spanish ... logically) why Greenland should be named Iceland (its cold) and Iceland named Greenland (its green). Pero Greenland es frio. I wasn't there when the group came up with the idea but I was there a few times when the speech was rehearsed and for some reason it was hysterical (umm, perhaps the Imperial?) and when the girl said her Spanish phrase the speech came to mind and I got the giggles. Fortunately Triathlon Friend was there so I had someone to share with.

The next time was right before the mile 85 push. We stopped at a stop sign so one of the girls could take a picture and this guy that was also stopped there pulled a banana out of his pocket and started eating. I've actually seen guys pull bananas out of their pockets on the subway (seriously, bananas ... I'm not speaking in euphemism) and it always makes me think "is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" And on a bike trip (with guys sort of putting it all out there in tight shorts anyway) this question made me think of zip lining and the crotch compressing harnesses that the guys wore that extenuated their umm, bananas. This time I was delirious and I COULD NOT stop giggling and I COULD NOT explain this story to anyone I was with (I mean, I wasn't really checking out this guy's banana ... it just sort of reminded me of zip lining where you couldn't really help looking at the parts because they were sort of on display) so shortly thereafter I went ahead of the group to giggle sans explanation and subsequently about died when the ride did not end when I thought it should have.

Its funny how there are some trips (Costa Rica, Ireland with my college friends) where its the people that shape the experiences. Sure I'll remember the scenes and adventures of CR but its the people that make the stories that give me the giggles. Kind of like I'll always remember the sights and scenes of Ireland but I'll also remember Duff yelling across the bar "K., you love BJ" when Billy Joel came on or Chicago Friend saying "you can't play hearts till your hearts been broken" to the guy that had just gotten left at the alter ...

And did I mention my ass hurt? More than you can imagine during the ride. That and my arms. But with your arms you can stretch a bit and change your hand position, there is really only one place to put your butt thought and after awhile that just isn't fun.

So, all in all a good day.

Slept for 14 hours last night after eating a ton of sushi for what was sort of my second dinner and somehow managed to be halfway productive today. I met a friend for brunch, bought paint, started painting the apartment, had a massage, went food shopping and cooked dinner. Go me;)

So, that's it kids. Hopefully my legs will be recovered for next weekend's 10K race ...

Goodnight.

I am a bad blogger ...

I'm thinking of telling a few more people about K. Michele so I've gone through and deleted a few incriminating posts ... not all of them, but some. I'm not sure how I feel about self-censorship, but I've saved the posts as drafts so I guess its okay, right?

Anyway, again, I've abandoned ya'll for awhile so:

Costa Rica

It was fun. Although the degree to which it sucked to come home came close to outweighing the fun. We swam, we drank, we played euchre, we went on a run that was more of a mountain climbing adventure, we hiked in the rain forest and we found a water fall. We also think that Pat & Larisa got married. We're not sure because the ceremony was all in Spanish but they kissed at the end.

And the drama? Well, there really was none. 2x's chick is fine. About as different from me or anyone I know as you could possibly ever get and I don't think there was a moment during the whole trip where they weren't in physical contact (they tended to hold hands throughout entire meals) and she brought her own coffee creamer (allow me my one caddy comment, thank you) but she was harmless. And 2x was nice to me, although I don't really think that the trip was the beginning of a great friendship between the two of us, in fact I've barely spoken to him since.

The girls were anxiously awaiting my return home to hear abut the drama ... but there was none. I had a great time, Dave was a great date (I may have driven him crazy but I think we got along pretty well - as he said, his energy counter acts my neurosis in a positive way), 2x and chick were just sort of there not affecting my enjoyment one way or the other ... so, in short it was a success but it ended too soon ...

And, after a week of living right next door to good friends I came home and was single and ...

Got Slammed At Work

Crazy hours. Basically no working out although I did ride with the local tri club. They were super fast, but very nice. They all remembered my name and I couldn't figure out why ... I mean, I'm very bad at names. For awhile I figured I was just very memorable but then, as I was careening down a hill, it came to me: I had my name on masking tape on my helmet. Welcome to the short bus. Fortunately, they were all married;)

Then,

My sister graduated from college ...

I was exhausted the whole weekend but it was fun. I took one more week to recover and then I started working out again.

Century Ride

Is tomorrow. Oh boy. 100 miles.

Moving

Coming up quickly ... I've started packing and planning how to decorate the new place but there is still alot to do ... the next few weeks are going to be jam packed with adventure so I'll try to be better about updating. Yeah, we've all heard that before ...

If I write it ...

it will happen. Or at least, it will be no less likely to happen than if I didn't write it so ... I should have gone to the gym or tried to organize my clothes for the vacation that may or may not be happening beginning Sunday (see, previous post). But instead I 'rested my eyes', ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and read some blogs. In my defense, I did work out with the trainer for one hour this morning ... but that was not running. or biking. or swimming.

So, I am verbalizing my intention of going to bed in the next 21 minutes (by 11) and running or maybe even biking in the morning and maybe even swimming tomorrow night. I have worked myself into a ball of stress over ALL I HAVE TO DO in the next 6 weeks but ... it'll get done. The packing, paining and finding enough money to pay for the apartment - it'll happen. But it can't happen just yet. So no sense worrying. I'm much better served trying to get in a few more workouts because this will help with my summer tris AND if my vacation with 2x and his new chick is really not some weird figment of my imagination, well, I'm gonna look hot;)

Down to 19 minutes. Wish me luck ... g'night.

6 Days ...

until I leave for vacation. I'm not excited. I mean, I am excited to not be at work, and in theory I'm excited to be going to a warm beach place but ... is this real? Am I really going on vacation? With 2x? And 2x's girlfriend? And 2x is going to be nice to me? And I'm staying in a room with Dave? For 7 days? Got to be a fantasy ... er, nightmare, right?

And am I really buying an apartment? Because I'm not sure I can afford an apartment. Particularly because I just bought a new bike to ride on the century ride I signed up for. Which means I'm planning to ride a bike 100 miles? Are they putting crack in the coffee again? And if I am buying an apartment exactly when am I supposed to pack, paint the old apartment etc.? Particularly because every weekend until now and when I am allegedly moving has an activity. Some of which are fairly significant - like the vacation, my sister's graduation, the 100 mile bike ride ... to name a few.

And the apartment has two bedrooms and two bathrooms but I'm living in it alone, right? Is this going to scare away suitors? Or am I just unsuitable? Does this mean I'm a grown up? I don't think I'm ready for that. Although, if being a grown up means that your mother no longer drives you crazy then I might, might just be ready.

Maybe.

So yeah. This is what goes through my head all day. And a fair amount of math (related to my fear of biting off more than I can financially chew). And you wonder why I don't write more often. Well, that and I'm pretty sure no one reads this ... hello? Anyone out there?

I'm still here ...

First off, apologies for the two month hiatus. Sometimes there is just so much to say its hard to know where to start ...

I could tell you about the insomnia, the drama at work (well, technically I probably couldn't tell you about that it any meaningful fashion), the visit from Chicago friend or work friend's weird illness and subsequent hospital stay ... or I could just hit the high points:

• I'm buying a condo. A two bedroom/two bath with views of Manhattan, the Hudson River and the George Washington Bridge. A condo that I can't really afford. Well, I suppose I can afford the payments but scrounging up closing costs between now and June is going to be tight. Doable, but tight.

• After years of swimming and swimming lessons and swim team, I read a book about swimming and now I can bilateral breath. Probably not well, but good enough for now.

• I ran a half marathon two weeks ago. The day after I rode my bike 30 miles. It wasn't ideal planning but the weather gods didn't cooperate. I did not do as well as I would have liked - at one point it had been a goal race for me - but I did well considering the circumstances (the alluded to insomnia and condo purchased led to a lack of working out, it was cold, I was alone, I was really, really running late that morning, and then the bike ride).

• I ran a 10K yesterday. The day after I rode my bike 40 miles. Triathlon friend did it with me. I was very impressed with my time considering the circumstances (err, that I was rather hung over).

• I rode my bike over the George Washington Bridge with my bike group. It was terrifying. But fun. And if I stick with it and find I can in fact afford the condo, I think I'm going to upgrade my bike.

• Things are good. I'm busy. But content. There are times in my life when all I've wanted is to be in a relationship, to have a sense of what the future might hold. I part of me still wants that - particularly the sense of what the future might hold, but I'm in a place where I don't really want to compromise. I like sleeping in the middle of the bed. And working out when I want. And eating cereal for dinner. I guess I'm not saying that I don't want a relationship or the potential of a family but I want it to fit into my current life. With 1x I feel like I gave too much up - too much time with friends, too many hobbies, too much time in my own apartment - next time around, I'm not going more than half way.

Also, its not worth a bullet point, but I'm excited for my trip to Costa Rica with 2x and his gf. I wasn't for awhile because of some drama, but I think it passed.

So kiddies, if you're still out there, I hope you're doing well and I'll try to be better at staying in touch;)

Exciting Friday Night

I just did my taxes. I thought I was going to owe a lot more than I do (in fact, i have to pay a bit to the feds and nj but am getting a bunch back from ny) which confirms my suspicion that i need to call the financial planner.

So that is the excitement for the night.

I worked out with the trainer at 6:30 this morning and am tiRED, which is why I didn't even try to make plans for tonight. Plus, I keep intending to run with the group on Saturday morning and then I check the weather. Tomorrow's forecast? Wind chill of 12. WTF? So is there any way in hell that I can run 10 miles on the mill?? I just don't know if that is even possible. I'm gonna have to play with the speed and stuff a lot to keep me entertained. I've found that the TM is much more manageable if I break it up into quarter miles - maybe I can do half miles tomorrow? Yeah, I might die of boredom.

Assuming boredom doesn't get the better of me I'd like to go swimming, get my nails done, buy some moisturizing shampoo (my hair is seriously SO dry), dinner with the girls at 5:30, going to see a play, then on sunday biking 12 miles, working, massage and superbowl. So yeah, I'm on crack. No way it'll all get done. Particularly if I had tried to go out tonight.

In other non exciting news? I have high cholesterol and low vitamin B12. Which sucks because I eat well, I'm not over weight, I exercise ... so not sure what to do about the cholesterol and as to the B12, I'm taking a multi-vitamin but everything that is high in B12 is also high in cholesterol ... so, that's the excitement:)

Need to infuse some excitement into this life I've got going. Maybe its time to buy a new bike with that tax refund ...

Happy weekend, kids.

Its official ... and I'm on crack (again)

Its way late. I should have been in bed a long time ago if I intend to get up in the a.m. for a work out but ...

Its official. The first time I ever went to a wedding I was a senior in college (yeah, close family we are, right ... damn cousins didn't invite us) and I was in the wedding. And she was one of my best friends and he was a good friend. They had two wonderful, beautiful children. Then he had an affair and left and today the divorce was official. Its strange. Really strange.

And the crack? Well, a friend is getting married in Costa Rica in May and I need a vacation. So its perfect, right? Go down a bit early and hang out. Except everyone I know that is going is part of a couple. And half of one of those couples is 2x. So my plan was to go with triathlon friend and her husband for a little pre-wedding adventure. Not ideal for any of involved but the best I could come up with. Separate from this, 2x's friend (we'll call him Dave because, well, that's his name and even I'm having a hard time keeping up with the nicknames) was doing something similar with 2x and 2x's girl. So, after much emailing and convincing and flirting I have agreed, tentatively to combine our groups.

So yeah, that's my vacation. It has disaster written all over it. So someone, somewhere must have slipped me some crack for me to agree to this debacle, right?

Right.

'night.

Buff My Bologna ...

Its been awhile, kids. But, since the last time we spoke I participated in a conference call where someone said "he's asked for so much that the next thing you know he is going to be asking us to buff his bologna."

Um, ok. I've hard a lot of euphemisms for that, but buff the bologna??

Shortly thereafter, I had another encounter with WSB. It was fun. But, I haven't heard from him since. Nice. And typical. So I think I'm done with him. I'm not mad. Seriously, I haven't been angry at him at all. Maybe a bit disappointed in myself, but not really. All in good fun, ya know? Chalk it up to experience and stuff. But, I'm moving on. Or away. At least while I'm sober:)

Its also gotten F'ing cold. As a result, last weekend I did my 8 mile run on the 'mill. Which sucked. And made my hamstrings tighter than they've ever been in my life. So this weekend I decided I'd wait till after noon (when its warmest) and try for 10 outside miles. Unfortunately, I waited too long after eating and by mile 3 I was starving. So I ran 4.5 miles outside, at a bagel and finished 4.5 miles on the 'mill. Does that count as a 9 mile run? I say yes ...

And that has been about all the excitement in my life. I stayed in last night and tonight (Friday and Saturday) and am almost excited about it. The thought of going out in the cold just wasn't doing it for me. So I worked, finished a book, blogged, payed the piano ... its been nice. Although, I KNOW that it stresses my mother out, but what can you do??

So that's it kids. I think its a the winter doldrums. Just working out a ton and laying low on the heels of my last WSB encounter. I'm sure excitement will return soon but until then ... hope you're all doing well:)

What a pain in the butt ...

I have.

Ran 6 miles with the running club on Saturday morning at about 10 min/mile pace followed by my first workout with the new trainer and today I am in PAIN. Wow. Probably didn't help that I just biked for 6 miles. 6 slow miles. I am a slow biker and a slow runner. But it was fun to run with people again and hopefully soon I'll be in shape.

Taking married friends for a drive around new jersey and then 24. Can not wait. And tomorrow, I should not have to work. Thank you MLK.

Later kids.

I don't run fast and I don't keep my money in my crotch, I swear ...

I need to get better at updating - I'm starting to forget what happened since we last chatted.

Hmmm, last week I was more PMS-ey than I've been since I was 16. Last Friday, after a rough week at work, I was in a foul, foul mood. But, I wound up deciding to go to my parent's house for dinner and then coming back to where I live with my sister so that we could go to the bar with the HOT, and when I say hot, I mean HOT, bartender. It is seriously amazing how a good meal and a few drinks and a HOT guy can cure even the worse case of PMS.

Saturday, I had my first piano lesson. We got off to a bit of a rough start because ... she thought I was there for voice lesson. VOICE lessons. Anyone who has ever heard me sings knows that I'm way, way beyond voice lessons. I am so awful, there is seriously no hope. But, once we got past that, the piano part was good. I'm actually impressed at how much I remember and it was fun and relaxing. I bought my piano ... er, keyboard, on Sunday which was a debacle. I stood in best buy for one hour and then, after some hoodlums stole a DVD, they decided they didn't have the keyboard I wanted. I was irrationally angry, near hysterical (PMS again) but my mom took pity on me (or was afraid that I'd kill someone if I didn't get the freakin keyboard) so she sped me to the best buy near their house and it was a success. I've practiced a bunch and I like it ... hopefully I'll stick with it long enough to be a decent player.

Sunday, before the key board debacle, I got up to go running with the new tri group in town. Only one other person showed up and he looked fast so we chatted a bit and then I sent him on his way - but, he told me that they were probably going to combine some of their runs with the local running group. So ...

... on Tuesday, I got home from work in time to go running with said local running group. Their website says that "people of all speeds and abilities" are welcome. And the Tuesday night run is only 1.5 miles and they recommend that people go to the Tuesday night run as their first run with the club ... so, yeah. Just because they welcome "people of all speeds and abilities" doesn't mean that said people actually show up. Everyone was very, very friends but um, they ran 6 minute miles AND they consider Tuesday nights to be a "speed workout." So, one poor guy took pity on me and ran with me so that I wouldn't get lost. But wow. He was talking to me the whole time and I was solely focused on not dying. Seriously. So after the run everyone goes to the bar with the HOT bartender and he was of course working. I order a beer and then realize that my money is in the little pocket in the front of my running tights and the only way to get it out is to reach my hand down there and fish around. So yeah, it looks basically like I'm sort of sticking my hand down my pants and then pulling out a sweaty 20. Nice. But, at least the runners were also nice, and cute and well, really fast. Even if I ruined things with the HOT bartender by handing him my sweaty crotch money I've got the runners:)

I have been so, so tired all week that I decided to stay in and recharge tonight ... I want to run with the group tomorrow and I'm meeting the trainer for the first time at 11 and then I have a bit of work to do and hopefully drinks with the girls tomorrow night. 24 starts Sunday and I, at least in theory, have off on Monday. So, hopefully next week I'll truly be able to start morning workouts mixed in with Tuesday night runs and hot guys:)

I'll try to update my fans on this weekend before we get to next weekend ... but, I hope you all had or are having fun Friday nights.

Update

I couldn't get out of bed yesterday, but I did set up my first appointment with the trainer and arrange for my first piano lesson so I'm counting that as a success.

This morning I only managed to get up in time to elliptical (for some reason, the thought of getting on the TM this morning was not appealing - I think I need to find some sort of high energy snack to get me going in the am - as it was I had a sliver of entemans cake, um, probably not the best although it did taste good) for 20 minutes - so I'm at least making progress, right?

In funny - as in Dear Lord bight your tongue funny- news, when I called the trainer yesterday she asked if I had just had a baby. Um, no. Most certainly, definitely, without a doubt, no. Apparently, Jen (my NYC trainer) recommended two people to the new trainer, one of whom had just had a baby. But, yeah, not me. Then this morning I had a drs. appointment with a new dr. I take some meds for a non-contagious, non-serious condition I have and you're not supposed to get pregnant while you're on them. Fine. But, b/c she's a new dr. she wants me to have a pregnancy test. WHAT IS GOING ON? I know, KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'm not PG (unless its immaculate) but given my high level of stress and ability to freak out about things that are even a little bit ... er, naked I don't like these questions and tests.

So, a midweek update for you. Happy Wednesday!

So, its been awhile ...

First, Christmas. It was good. Its strange how holidays change when we get older. It was nice to be home and I enjoy giving (and receiving!) but its not really the same as when we were younger and I sort of feel like there is this insane amount of pressure to be happy and have fun. But, it was fine. We were all sort of sick feeling but we made good fish sauce on Christmas Eve and got the grandparents to my house and back safely on Christmas day. The day after Christmas I went for a run, did some work and ran some errands ... then it was back to work on Wednesday. Seriously, I think everyone should have the days between Christmas and New Year's off because they kind of just suck. But I got a lot of work done so that was good.

Next, ANNIE!! I really thought I was going to get tickets to Annie for Christmas - growing up it was my favorite. Friend from growing up and I used to run around our house singing it for hours ... when I didn't get tickets I took matters into my own hands and got tickets for my mom and sister to go with me on Friday. It was fun ... although our seats were less than good and two ladies got into a fight ... a fight! ... about talking during the show or something and some 80 yr old usher had to break it up:) Moving my mom around the city was sort of a nightmare - she took the bus in and i made her take the subway and the PATH - she said that the things I have to do to get from point A to point B make it not worth going anywhere. Um, okay.

Finally, the New Year. I was not excited about NYE - local friends and I were going out to dinner in the neighboring town which I didn't really understand (if you're gonna stay local, well, then stay local ... ) but I bought a new outfit and made the best of it - it was fun. Not earth shattering but fun. My sister and three of her friends slept over that night - and they were DRUNK - I'm really glad that I don't get THAT drunk (anymore at least:)). I wasn't really hung over today but I was exhausted - I stayed up late waiting for them to get home and then it took them awhile to settle down. Lazed around most of the day today and am hoping to get the New Year off to a good start tomorrow. No real resolutions but a few goals:

• I work so much that it would really make life much more enjoyable if I could just get up earlier and get stuff done before work. I used to do it so I just have to get back into the groove - up and exercising before work.
• Not get as bothered by other people - whether its a jackass at work, a dumb boy or my mother in one of her moods.
• Start taking piano lessons again.
• Start working out with a trainer again.
• Consider taking golf lessons.
• Have fun!

Oh, one other funny thing. One night when I was drinking I told boy from work about this blog - and then immediately denied it. He remembers basically nothing I tell him when we're drinking but he remembered this. Ugg. I think it'd be hard for him to find this - I'm rather paranoid about being discrete and I haven't divulged details of anything he wouldn't want on here (random comments about his gf that he probably wound't want repeated for all to read) and I'm suppose that there is nothing on here I wouldn't want him to read ... but still. Oh well, we'll see.

I'll try to keep you all posted about the progress of my New Year's goals (particularly the piano lessons - I'm excited about that).

Wishing you all happy 2007s!

BTW

I was re-reading old posts and the petite crush on the ineligible bachelor? Crashed and burned. Thank God. He told me some things that made it very, VERY clear that I would never, NEVER want to go there. And for that I am thankful. We cna be friends but honestly, any thought that I might be interested in THAT way is long, long gone.

Good night for real.

I think I'm back in College ...

... and I kind of like it.

First things first. Work sucks. Big time. Like, I postponed my Christmas party until things calm down at work big time. So while its sad, its for the best. I mean today, I was so tired that my bones hurt. There is no way that I could have put up the tree and put on a party in the style that my guests have grown accustomed to much less enjoyed said party for myself. So its sad.

Its sad that I'm postponing the party. Particularly for work. Particularly because I'm working for a jackass. But, as always, there is a silver lining: WSB's birthday party is the same night. But before we get to that ...

Last Friday I worked until a bit after nine and met friend from work, his gf and WSB out for a few drinks. Friend from work and his gf left and I went home with WSB. It was fun ... but I woke up at 10:30 in NYC and had a haircut in NYC at 11:30 so going home was NOT an option. Which would have been fine except I had to go to work right after my hair cut. So yeah. I'm 31 and I got my hair cut and then bought some random clothes at the Gap so that I wouldn't show up to work in the same clothes two days in a row ....

So, I fended off the guilt on Sunday. I mean I am 31. I'm mature and responsible and if I want to fool around a little, well ... I can. But on Monday the guilt was creeping up when ... WSB emailed. Nothign earth shattering but ... we email every day (mostly) and when we see eachother he generally asks me to go home with him. And, well, it reminds me of college. You'd chat and maybe be a bit flirty when you saw eachother during the week (and, er, maybe did a bit of harmless stalking. i don't want to get off on a tangent here but do you have any, ANY, idea how efficient I could have been at running into people if we had the technology that the kids have these days ... i mean, back in the day we knew people's schedules and when they might be walking where and when they might be sitting where in the dining hall but now, with text messages and IM it'd be seamless ... but, i digress).

So, Saturday, WSB is having a b'day party. And with my own party off, the logical thing ... but does that look obvious? He knows how busy I've been and why I've canceled my party and he knows I might come to his party but ... there are gonna be 50 people there. What if he has someone else that he goes home with ...? What if he choses her and I get sad? But then again, what if he would have chosen me if I had come ...

Ugg. Being a girl sucks sometimes.

But, yeah. It reminds me of college because we're talking during the week and then plotting to see eachother on the weekends (well, I'm plotting, don't know if he is) and getting drunk and hooking up ... SO, we'll see.

I'm trying, trying hard, to not get ahead of myself with this BUT with 1x and 2x they both basically professed their love and intention to marry me very, very early on in the relationship. And, well, I am currently unloved (at least by unrelated members of the opposite sex) and unmarried so maybe this approach ... the sort of slow (but physical) get to know you approach will work? It works on tv. And I can think of at least one real life couple that I know of where they were physical long, long before they were a 'couple.' So maybe it'll work, and hopefully even if it doesn't work it'll be fun ...??

So thats that. I'll try to keep you posted but life, well, its crazy!

Wanna talk about the cold?

Because that is how cold it is ... you see someone and say, "it sure is cold out, huh?" Um, yeah. Makes no sense but you do it anyway. So far we've gone from 60s right after T-Day to low 30s earlier this week to 50 this morning to the teens tomorrow. My blood must have thinned because I KNOW parts of college were colder than this but I don't remember being this miserable ...

Anyway, I started taking vitamins, drinking this weird teaish drink and working out again and despite the insane buziness going on at work and with Christmas shopping, party planning etc. I feel pretty good. Strangely focused and not stressed out. Not sure whats up with that. So things are good, if not particularly eventful - the highlight of my weekend is getting my hair cut. And I think I'd like to see WSB but I'm not sure why ... we know what he wants, and we know what my position on that has historically been ... but, maybe we can work out a compromise. Hmmm.

Stay warm boys and girls!

So much to do, so little time.

Thanksgiving and the days that followed: they were sad, stressful, exhausting ... and my team lost. I could go on, but, what good would it do? But I'm determined to infuse some happiness into the looming Christmas season so the Christmas party is ON ... started buying decorations today. I hope it will be fun.

Of course, that leads me to the fact that this coming weekend is full of family stuff and the weekend before Christmas is the party so that leaves one weekend for all my party preparations AND Christmas shopping ... and I'm the fun infuser so ... yeah, it'll be busy.

I also think I need new sneakers. I ran 5 miles by my parents house and it seems that up hill and down hill are the only options (no flats) and now I have shin splints. Shin splints suck. It was probably the downhills but new kicks can't hurt, right?

I've been both emailing WSB and a guy on *that* website. At the end of the day, I don't think I'm ready for a Relationship but I might be able to swing a relationship (little r) or at least a bit of fun ... I'll keep you posted. Website guy told me to call him and I wrote him back with my phone number because, well, he's the boy.

I'm spent kids so this is all you get. Happy last days of November.

My girlfriend is hiding in the bathroom, so you can leave.

Yeah, someone said that to me last night. There was nothing untoward happening that should have led me to leave - just drama. Plain vanilla drama. That and I was petting a cat. And I don't really like cats. So there you have it. She hid in the bathroom and I left - knocking over a table in the process. Classic really.

Happy T-Day.

You sounded tired, so I thought I'd call the dating service.

Saturday morning my mom calls at 11. For some of you, 11 is probably really late. Some of you probably did more before 11 than I did all day. Well, good for you:) But I was still in bed at 11, so good for me too ... Mom told me about the wedding she had been at the night before, asked what I did the night before (pretty much nothing) and then asked why on earth I sounded so tired ... um, because I just woke up? She was annoying me so we got off the phone.

Fast forward a few hours, I've had coffee and breakfast and read the paper. I have to ask mom some cooking question so I call her back. After we discuss the broccoli (don't ask) I ask her if I sound more awake - she tells me that I do and that it puts her in a bad mood when I sound tired. She then went on to say that when I sound tired she thinks of me sitting in my apartment in some deep dark depression AND she almost called a dating service for me. Um, in what universe does this make sense? Not mine. I clarified that if she ever did in fact call a dating service for me I would not talk to her for a long, long time.

In other news, I finally, finally ate at the restaurant I've been trying to eat at since I moved to NYC - thanks Mom & Dad. I also ran 8 miles on Sunday and biked 8 miles this evening. So, go me:)

Sadly, my grandmother on my Dad's side is not doing well, so let's say a prayer for her and for Dad and for us and give thanks for what we do have.

Happy short week ...

My boobs have gotten bigger but Hartford is not near New Jersey.

A few weeks ago I went home and my mom's boobs looked different ... I commented and she said that her new and improved boobage was the result of some new bras that she got fitted for and bought at the mall - turns out she has been in wearing the wrong size for years and the right size made quite the difference.

So, this past weekend I decided I need to replace some of my bras ... because you know, someday hell might freeze over and someone might see them. I headed to the mall and I got fitted as well (and just in case you were wondering, you keep your clothes on and there is no touching of your actual boobs). Turns out that all these years I've been wearing a size 34B and I should be wearing a size 34C ... who knew? And let me tell you, have you ever worn tight socks and boots all day and then had to stand in a bar at night ... you're feet swell, the socks are tight and by the time you get home your feet/ankles are beginning to loose circulation? Well, the difference between the right size bra and one that is too small is similar to the difference between tight socks and boots and flip flops ... TMI?

And then I went to Hartford. Dad was in Japan and flew back through Detroit where he got stuck. Not wanting to say over night in Detroit he decide to fly to Hartford ... and in case you were wondering, Hartford is not near where I live. Got some quality time in the new car as Mom and I drove 3 hours there and 3 hours bag to retrieve Dad ... but, he would have done it for me so I can't complain. Well, actually I can complain and I have and sort of I am but I did it willingly so I get an A for effort.

This week was a bit crazy - slow at work and too many happy hours that went too late but it was fun. I think that my theory is that there are so many times when I am busy at work or I don't have anything to do that when there are options to go out I should take advantage of them. So I did. And it was fun. And sometimes things aren't what they seem. And its my perogative to change my mind ... and I might be about WSB. But I'm not sure. And that is okay too. We'll see.

Happy weekend.

I have a car and my tapeworm is making me tired.

So, finally got the car and I'm glad because George the car guy and I were getting to know WAY too much about eachother. I still maintain that I don't deserve the car, but I really, really like it. It drives like a dream (yeah, I really just wrote that, I like the way it drives but lets fact it: I'm car illiterate so whether or not it does in fact drive like a dream? No clue.), and does lots of cool things (like know if its raining or if it should turn the radio up because you're driving faster) and it has heated LEATHER seats and its blue tooth enabled - if someone calls you their voice comes out of the ceiling:) So driving out of the city yesterday was fun (well, despite the horrific traffic) and I went back and forth to my parent's once already and I'll do it again tomorrow.

That said, I've really got to curb my spending habits - I spent a crazy amount of money at Saks - yeah it was all on sale and I do need new clothes but ... still. Tomorrow I need to get makeup, underwear and a present for dad's bday but then I'm done for awhile. Really. I am.

This week I've been exhausted to the point of delirium and insatiable hungry. I don't know whats wrong with me - well, actually I do, but for the sake of my boy reader I'll spare you (although, he's married so he probably know how these things work) ... lets just say that I haven't been this tired or hungry in my, err, tired week, in years. I got home from my parent's at noon, laid down on the couch and PASSED out for two hours. Then woke up starving, so I'm blaming it on a tapeworm ... unless you have a better idea:)

In a few minutes I'm going to run 6 miles on the treadmill - yeah, it'll suck, but I don't have an outside run in my right now (even though it is a beautiful day) and then I'm going to make myself look pretty and I'm going out to dinner with a friend who deserves a fun night out ... so I'm gonna do my best to provide it to her!

WSB (walk of shame boy) invited me out for a drink Thursday night and I fabricated plans - just wasn't in the mood to be flirty or not be flirty or to decide which I wanted to be. Either I don't like him or it was the tapeworm again. Not sure.

Also, I think I have a petite crush on a VERY ineligible bachelor. Not good. But fun:) And will make me wear the new clothes. I think it'll either bloom or fizzle soon so I'll keep you posted.

Happy weekends to all!

Let it go ...

Sometimes you just have to let it go. It took awhile for me to realize but I did realize and I have let it go ... and wow, what a difference an attitude adjustment makes.

You see, the thing is that I have:

• a wonderful family;
• some great friends from my school years but they don't, for the most part, live near by - and even if they did they're married, some with kids, and while that's great for them (seriously, no sarcasm there, it is wonderful for them) it doesn't do me much good;
• some very nice local girl friends but at the end of the day, hanging out with a bunch of girls doesn't and never has held much allure for me ; and
• a fun group of guys that are nice to me, make me laugh, look out for me and as long as they're wives or live in girlfriends are okay with it, they'll join me for a drink or two or three or four.

I'm also very self sufficient, have a better than decent job and am fairly financially secure ... so what's the problem you ask?

The looming birthday. The big 31. Had me in a state. I mean what happens to people like me as they get older ...? At some point the wives and girlfriends make the guys stay home and the man haters get artificially inseminated and I ... well, I don't like cats, and, and, and ...

Yeah, it was crazy but it was all I could think about - I wrote an email to someone wondering if my sister will take care of me when I'm 90 and she's 81 ... but, eventually, thank God, I realized that enough is enough and I had to let it go. It'll all work out one way or another and if it comes to it I'm sure my sister will take care of me, right?

So, I'm back.

Had a great b'day weekend. Mellow, which I needed. Really, really needed. But fine. Fun. Nice. I ran 6 miles. Got massaged and facialed. Watched the marathon and saw Barenaked Ladies in concert.

Great concert (despite my music snob friends looking down on me for it) ... they didn't sing happy birthday to me and they didn't sing the i've seen you naked song but either of those things might have been too much to ask for so ... all in all a good day.

G'night.

Never fear. Crisis averted for now.

Very, very interesting.

Friday night was rather drunken and ended at the same bar as Walk of Shame Boy (WSB). The night was coming to a close and, after nothing more than casual conversation throughout the night, WSB blurts out, "So, do you want to come home with me." Um, no. Even if Guy from Work hadn't been there or if I hadn't had bad underwear on, unshaven legs and things to do Saturday morning, the answer would have been no. There was some begging and pleading (on his part) and I pointed out, for the record, that even if I were to go home with him I still wouldn't sleep with him and then he tried to convince me that he "just wanted someone to lay next to." Um, give me a break. I told him that I didn't believe him, he'd change his mind when we got home, and then say more mean things to me.

So I left.

And when I woke up Saturday morning he had emailed me. And we've emailed on and off the past two days. So its very, very interesting that when I did go home with him I didn't hear from him and when I didn't go home with him he shows some interest. I guess a little hard to get (not that I'm sure thats what I'm doing, I might just not be interested) is sometimes a good thing.

Kind of crazy weekend was rounded out with a few uneventful bike rides and runs ... not worth going into detail here.

In other news, Guy from Work lent me some CDs. One, The Hold Steady, has a line "I've had kisses that make judas seem sincere." Not suprisingly, I like that line ...

I'm sick of being the friend.

Seriously. Sick of it.

But I had 4 beers tonight. Then I had pretzels and oreo cookies for dinner. THEN I rode my bike for 30 minutes and 5.68 miles (which isn't very fast) and more or less kept my HR in check (145 avg. but it spiked a bit) so at least I've got that going for me.

But seriously, I'm sick of it.

'Night.

are you KIDDING me?

So, after a few too many drinks this Saturday I wound up on the phone with 2x having the same (getting) old conversation - I should move to Chicago, kissing him was like coming home, now that we have some maturity to our credit we could get back together, get married and be the fun couple with beautiful children.

Of course, it all sounds good at 3 am, but come Monday morning, when you're him, its easier to maintain the status quo. Whatever. Its a bit of an emotional roller coaster for me but its one of those instances where only time will tell ... I get no where by forcing the issue one way or another and as long as I keep my options open and don't sit here pinning I think its okay to place this one in the "we'll see category."

Anyway ... tonight I bought a Marie Claire, its the November issue and this is my horoscope:

"You know how they say 'never sleep with an ex'? Well, guess what? 'They' are finally wrong - at least for the first three weeks of the month, when Mercury goes retrograde. In fact, consider ex-sex a birthday gift to yourself - unless, of course you've dated losers. In that case, maybe you should use this time to find a new future ex."

Um ... are you KIDDING me?? And, its 2x's horoscope too. Interesting ...

In other news, went swimming tonight. 10x100 again this time between 1:39-1:49 so faster but with higher heart rates ... I think that might be the difference between am workouts and pm workouts ...

Facts, Plans and Musings

Three Facts

1. The individuals that carry golf umbrellas when it rains ... they deserve to have a porcupine sit on their face:)

2. Thirty-one year olds who write emails that say "So ... did I tell you I have a girlfriend?" are odd. Who says that?

3. I am a horrendous bike rider - it took me 30 minutes to go 6 miles ... but I did it during Grey's and kept my heartrate low so, thus far, I've followed the guidelines.

Weekend Plans

My sister is coming home this weekend so I'm going home tomorrow night and then we'll go shopping on Saturday. She's going to a party Saturday night so I'll probably find something to do that involves drinking and not being at my parents' house. Speaking of my parents' house: they moved in February and I don't have a bedroom anymore so I have to sleep on the foldout couch. Sucks.

Musings

When I was deciding what kind of car to get, I was insistent that I did not want a coupe (two door, which is what I wound up getting). 1x has a two door car and I felt like it was impossible to get into ... like after you sat down as low as you comfortable could there was a period of free fall before your ass hit the seat. And we won't talk about getting out of the car or doing either after running 18 miles ... I was explaining this to Dad and he commented that the shocks on that car had alot to deal with so it was probably riding really low (1x, among other things, was not svelte). The next day I was at a bar having dinner with my brother - the couple next to us, the guy was heavyset and wearing white leather sneakers with a rugby styled shirt and his wife was this pretty blond thing. When they left my brother commented that the guy had way over achieved . I had been thinking the same thing - that and there but for the grace of God go I ...

I am the only single person in my department at work.

In a moment of boredom the other day I made a list of people that I am going to invite to my Christmas party (my three readers are of course invited if they want to come ... its going to be December 16 so get your plane tickets now, wives, husbands, boyfriends and daughters are invited as well of course!). There was only one single guy. There were six single girls (including myself).

I know that this is all about having fun, but sometimes, enough is enough.

Sad News; Funny Story; New Plan

SAD NEWS:(

My training program was cancelled. Actually, its not that sad. These runs at 180 bpm were probably not doing anything good for me and there was only one guy with questionable sexuality ... so, as long as I don't become a sloth (As an aside, did you know that there is an actual animal called a sloth? Its creepy looking.) this winter, it'll be okay. And I get my Sunday mornings back which means I get my Saturday nights back ... which is fun. As for avoiding becoming a sloth - I've got a plan ... but first I've got a:

FUNNY STORY!

[Due to paranoia, the funny story has been deleted]

Now, for the:

NEW PLAN:)

Its not that elaborate, so hopefully you didn't get too excited. I downloaded a training schedule for a half-marathon in mid-March. It calls for 3 days a week of running which will be good for my pesky overuse injuries and 2 or 3 days a week of cross training which will allow me to still swim (which makes me have sexy arms ... and I like sexy arms) and bike (on the trainer, while I watch tv in accordance with the rules below).

As alluded to above, the new plan has rules:

1. Try to do this low heart rate crap for as long as I can stand it and determine once and for all if it works. Maybe a month? Low for me is below 150 which may not even allow me to run ... but I'll try.

2. Try to get workouts done in the am but, if I miss a workout, I miss a workout. No stressing or fitting a weeks worth of workouts into a weekend. Definitely no stress if work doesn't let me go to bed by midnight.

3. I really only watch 3 tv shows right now (Lost, The Nine and Grey's). If I'm watching them before midnight, try to ride the bike (at least for half of each show).

Hmmm, I guess these are rules, more then guidelines. Whatever.

I think that for now, this should be enough to allow me to keep my mind off of the baby/wedding bonaza/left fest going on around without getting too OCD. We'll see.

Amazing & Exciting

First, the amazing. Two things actually:

1. The fact that I got up and swam before work today is amazing.

2. The rate at which one looses swimming fitness is also amazing. I last swam 2 weeks ago and did a 3000 yd workout including a fairly long ladder set. I had a short ladder set planned for this morning preceded by 5 100s. After a warmup and the first 100 I abandoned the ladder for 10 x 100 (a 1500 yd workout in all). Good news though is that all 10 were fairly consistent (not fast, but consistently 1:49-1:51). So ... I have something to work on ... going further, getting those 100s faster, etc.

And now, for the exciting ... I got a car! Well, I don't actually have it yet ... its on a boat from Germany (or at least that is what I like to think), and should be here early next week, but this is what it will look like:

http://www.bmwusa.com/vehicles/3/328xicoupe/default

Mine will be Monaco Blue Metallic with Saddle Brown on the inside ... Definitely, a much, much nicer car than I need but I'm going with not so nice that I don't deserve it ...??

The car is the most commitment I have ever made to anything, I don't even have a plant and I signed a 3 year lease so ... I guess I'm growing up. And I tell ya, its exhausting. In addition to signing the lease, my dad was meeting me there to make sure they didn't pull the wool over my eyes with anything and he was one hour late and he wasn't answering his cell phone - turns out that he forgot his cell phone and then got stuck in Columbus day traffic but I was sure that something horrendous had happened and it was going to be all my fault (for making him come with me). Of course while he was missing, my mother got all freaked out and then dad got annoyed with us for over reacting ... but what were we supposed to think??? Men, I tell ya.

Anyway, I'm beat. Goodnight boys & girls!

Lovely Weekend

Well, by the end it was lovely. Friday I was overtired, overworked and lacking in weekend plans so I was in a foul mood. I'm surprised anyone at work was willing to talk to me - pretty much all I did was scowl and slam doors ... by the time I got home, things were not much improved but after a nap and a few miles on the treadmill I was a bit more human. Wound up meeting my brother out for a drink with some of his friends from school. I felt soooooooooo old. Wow.

Saturday my parents took me to look at cars. I'm a bit torn because I can afford the car I like but in light of the fact that I'll really only ever drive it on the weekend (i.e., I don't drive to work) it probably doesn't make sense to get the car I want ... but I don't want the cars I should get and so on and so forth. But, I'm pretty sure that I know what I'm going to do ... its a surprise though because I have too many people giving me opinions right now and I don't want to have anyone try to change my mind ... blah, blah.

Anyway, there is a guy in my running group now. But I think he's gay, because, well, do straight guys wear Prada sunglasses to go running? It just seemed odd. I'm still the slowest but at least now there are more of us.

After running, I took a serious nap. The kind of nap where you wake up and don't know what day it is ... then ran some errands. Got some stuff I needed for the apartment, did a bit of work, scoped out the cuties at church and cooked some dinner that will be leftovers for a few days.

So there we are. Not exciting but nice. I feel a bit more organized going into the week than I did after last weekend's drama:)

Good weeks to all!

The Best Laid Plans

Tonight was the first meeting of my 'new' running group. I feel a bit guilty because this inherently means that I'm cheating on my 'old' running group; but, the new group is (i) cheaper; (ii) training for a well placed (i.e., the Sunday after Thanksgiving) cross country 15K (I've never run cross country, or a 15K for that matter, and it will get me back in running shape for a longer early spring race if I so choose); and (iii) its co-ed.

Sounds good in theory, right? Well, as previously mentioned, the first run was tonight. Our group is made up of 3 GIRLS and I'm the slowest. Yeah. And tonight's run was just under 5 miles; which is the longest I've run since at least April and maybe the marathon. So, nothing like a nice 4.7 mile jog in heart rate zone 4 (seriously, my average was 176, my max was 186 and my max (MAX, if you see this number, lay down and call 911, MAX) is 198) to try to appear respectable in front of your team mates.

Hmmm. It has potential to get me in shape if nothing else, but, um, unless more people, err, boys, show up, its not exactly what I had thought I'd be giving up my Sunday mornings for.

So, we'll see.

For now, work, work, work and more work. And 4.7 miles, in 48.17 minutes with the aforementioned really high HRs!

I thought my 'walk of shame' days were over ...

and then I found myself on the train at 9am wearing red cowboy boots and a black halter top. Do you think anyone thought I had an early morning errand in the city that required that outfit?

It was fun though, in a (I suspect) meaningless way. But I think even I'm allowed meaningless everyonce in awhile despite the fact that it makes me feel incredibly guilty, and no, we didn't do anything bad (not for lacking of trying on one party's part though) ... I can't even imagine the guilt I'd be feeling if we did do that (not that I would, I don't think I have a one night stand in me).

So yeah, fun, guilty, walk of shame. Slept till almost one when I got home b/c the accommodations there were like 800 degrees. And now, I get to be the representative grandchild at my grandmother's birthday dinner. How fun does that sound with a hang over? Good thing I didn't get a hickey:) And so much for the work I thought I'd get done tonight ...

Someday, I really will grow up!

T.G.I.F.

Um, I want to be Meredith Grey. To have her choices ... wow! Of course, I could never handle that stress but still ...

I think I need to sleep this entire weekend (the decision to stay up till 2:30 last night to put the bike on the trainer was not a good one ... I wound up working too late and being too tired to ride it during the show) so I'll have to put off finding hot guys to woo me until next weekend.

But at least I got to see Derek and Finn tonight ... *sigh*

G'night

Confessions

1. When I run on the treadmill or ride the stationary bike, I try to pick one by the mirror so I can get a good look at the muscles in my legs.

2. When I learned that my friend who is going through a nasty divorce has kissed more boys in the past 3 months than I have, I was kind of bitter.

3. Last night, when I was tired and felt like being taken care of, I went to my parent's house so my mom could cook me dinner and give me some leftovers for tonight. This meant that my brother had to get up at 6:30 am to drive me home. And yes, I am 30ish.

4. The reason I'm so tired lately: in the past 12 days I've participated in a triathlon, gone on a business trip and worked 100 hours. Yikes!

So there! I told you the truth:)

Tonight, when I got home, I ran 3 miles on the TM on the 'random' program on level 5 (for the first two miles, than I went down to level 0). Better 3 miles on the 'mill than nothing ...

I love swimming!!

Just in case I get out of work in time to do the tri next weekend I figured I should get a swim workout in. I really enjoy longer distances rather than 100 after 100 after 100 so I decided to do a ladder. I'm kind of proud of the way the down part of the ladder wasn't too much slower than the up part. And, it really clears your mind, somehow more than running so it was a good start to my weekend which is already almost freakin over ... work travel sucks! If I can get my 100s closer to 1:30 I might, might think about the masters team. We'll see.

Anyway, poor Joe Paterno probably left the field because he had a bathroom issue and its all they can talk about on tv. I feel bad for the guy ...

Time to try to make some drinking ... er, I mean social ... plans for tonight!


Time AvgHR MaxHR
100 1:41 121 144
200 3:45 137 151
300 5:33 144 160
400 7:40 155 168
500 9:41 160 172
400 7:59 163 172
300 5:59 164 173
200 3:54 159 174
100 1:49 156 179

Total: 48:05 156 179

2900 yards with w/u and c/d

I am a triathlete!

So, lets just say that when you're me, waking up at 4 am sucks. It sucks more than working until 4 am ... and that's saying alot. Irregardless, the alarm went off at 4 am and while getting up sucked, getting out of the bed in the Extended Stay America and realizing that we did not have full body rashes was a relief!

Triathlon friend and I made our way to the race sight and set up our transition area. I was ti-RED. Taking into account the tossing and turning, I estimated that I had gotten a total of 7 hours of sleep in the two nights prior to the race. I wanted to take some time to rest, but it had rained a lot in the days leading up to the race and the mosquitoes were brutal. Doubting that the mosquitoes could bite me through the wetsuit I decided to forego the rest and begin the wetsuit shimmy ... initially it did not go well. Granted I was tired, but I couldn't figure out why I was having such difficulty. Um, until I realized that I was trying to put my wetsuit on backwards. Yeah, I'm smart!

Wetsuit off, turned around and on again, the thought of walking down to the water to warmup was way more than I could handle, so I decided to sit down and gather some energy to get me through the race ... I think I took a nap with my eyes open and when it was time to give Triathlon Friend's Husband my camera and head down to the water I felt a bit less like I was going to die.

We watched the age groupers head into the water (note to self: next time sign up as an age grouper, they get an earlier start!) and prepared to head in ourselves. Again, the "rah rah we are awesome" wasn't really my style, I did my best to tune it out and before long I was in the water and we were off ...

the swim - 13:56

... um, jumping in to swim almost 1/2 a mile with no warmup is not fun. My heart rate soared, I got kicked in the face, I found a groove, got kicked in the face, let some people pass, found another groove, got kicked in the face and 3/4 of the way in decided to breast stroke and forego any more face kicks. The whole swim, all I could think of was that I was tired, had no energy, was exhausted ... you get the picture. It was so bad that I decided if Triathlon Friend was already out of transition, I was going to DNF and I NEVER DNF ... I have run half marathons with bleeding blisters, screaming IT Bands and the like ... but I always finish.

t1 - 5:05

Triathlon Friend's bike was still there and realizing that my swim wasn't as awful as I thought gave me hope. Shimmied out of the wetsuit, decided to forego socks, threw on my sneakers and bike helmet, grabbed the bike and I was off ... passing Triathlon Friend on the way I told her that I'd give her a shout out when she passed me on the bike ...

the bike - 44:49

It was fun ... but there are a lot of FAST bike riders out there. Gotta work on this and practicing riding in a higher gear. Triathlon Friend passed me about 3 miles in and after that I just sort of peddled away ... shouted out to the (many, many) people passing me, thought about all the work I had to do when I got home and was HAPPY to be off the bike ...

t2 - 1:58

Couldn't re-rack the bike so propped it up, hoped for the best and I was off ...

the run - 31:32

Plodded along, knew it might take awhile but I would run the whole thing. A few ITB twitches towards the end so took a quick stretch break. Started noticing some stinging in my left heel and worried that I was getting a blister but still had enough (maybe too much?) left to sprint to the finish ...

And, I was a triathlete (with a very gross, bleeding blister, note #2 to self: wear socks!).

Would I do it again? Absolutely ... in fact, I might participate in one next weekend (more on that later).

Was it the coolest thing ever? Not by a long shot ... but maybe I was tired and cranky. I know, I know, hard to believe ...

*Intermission*

Due to my job, which rocks sometimes, especially when I get home for the night and the doorman says goodmorning, its going to be a few days before we get to the end of the triathlon story.

So, for our intermission:

2X has apparently decided that we should be friends (he is friends with all of his Xs), and while I know this is not the healthiest thing for me, since 1Xs departure, I've been significantly lacking in email distractions so I'm allowing this 'friendship' for now. We'll see. Anyway, 2X told me that he was going on a date tonight (for the record, its his first date with someone he wasn't dating, if that makes sense) and I said, "remember, just because she isn't as wonderful as me, doesn't mean that she's not good enough for you."

He, he. I'm mean.

Goodnight or morning ..? Whatever it is, I'm going to bed (or should I say taking a nap ...).

Prelude to a triathlon.

My triathlon was the past Sunday. The challenges of the race can only be appreciated if you know about the preceding 72 hours so that is where we will start ... try not to be jealous:

Thursday - When it rains, it pours.

I had two invitations to happy hour Thursday night. Knowing that socially my weekend was going to be a wash and still smarting from my antics with 2X, I thought a few beers in a public place might do me well. I even wore nice work clothes in anticipation. Around 4:45 the boss showed up in my doorway with a project. A long, involved project that he wanted by the end of the day Friday. Happy hours were cancelled but all was not lost - one beer was had in my apartment at 12:30 when I got home.

Friday - Isn't it ironic?

I get in early (well, on time, but everything is relative) and get to work. I am borrowing my parents car for the triathlon and they live in the 'burbs. Getting there involves a bus ride that I loathe unless I can hitch a ride with Dad who drives into the city everyday. Consequently I am on a mission to finish everything in time for Dad's 6 pm ETD. I don't look at anything on the internet, I don't smile at people walking by my office and for lunch I eat cereal at my desk all in an effort to get the project done by six. Its 4:30 and I'm nearing completion when the boss again appears in my doorway and doubles (DOUBLES!) the size of my project (and readjusts the deadline: half due Sunday morning, half due Monday morning).

So much for skipping the bus ...

I call my mom (logically, I have just received a bizarre amount of work and in between all of it I have to drive, spend the night in Sandy Hook and participate in a triathlon - what else would I do?). I tell mom that I'm screwed and she helpfully exclaims "FUCK!" Hmmm, d'ya think? But then she offers to bring me a car in the morning sparing me the bus or a long car service ride ... at least there is a silver lining.

With hopes of a 6pm departure shot, I decide to get some 'fresh' air at Starbucks. Latte in hand and craving chocolate in a bad way I stop at the newspaper stand and grab some chocolate covered peanuts (chocolate is ok if its covering a nut because nuts are good for you). THIS WAS THE BEST DECISION I MADE ALL DAY. These nuts, they were salted. Seriously, these nuts are better than ... well, than a lot of things, and at the time they were better than pretty much anything else that had happened in the past 24-36 hours so ... I ate them all and just as I was finishing the phone rang ...

Fine, I'll admit that I recognized the number as a Chicago exchange and I was sort of excited when I answered it. But, as anyone with half a brain could have guessed it was not 2X. It was, however, a headhunter. In my 5 years of working in an office I have gotten tons of headhunter calls but NEVER one for a job in Chicago. Ironic. I told her to send me her info in case I ever do really decide to move ...

And 9 hours later, at 2:30 in the morning, I went home.

Saturday - Will someone please shoot me, or at least tell me I'm on crack?

After gathering my triathlon gear I headed to bed at 3:30 and was NOT HAPPY when the alarm went off at 7. I did almost 2 hours of work and submitted the portion of my project that was due Sunday morning. I ran out to get a bagel and coffee and awaited the arrival of my parents (who, as promised, delivered a car) and my triathlon friend. At this point I was so tired I was nauseous. But for the fact that I was giving someone else a ride I really think I would have gone back to bed and forgotten the whole thing (despite the 8 weeks of training). This, however, was not the case, triathlon friend was relying on my so upon delivery of the car we headed south.

Registration was in Asbury Park, home of Bruce Springsteen. I had read in the papers that Asbury Park had seen better days and was undergoing a revitalization. Either they have not gotten very far with the whole revitalization thing or it really sucked before because, well, I'm surprised we left with our bikes. Registration and the expo were in a hotel that was probably lovely in 1970 and hadn't changed its decor since.

Triathlon friend and I picked up our numbers, bought matching shirts at the expo and found an old ballroom where some of our tri-teammates were passing the time until the team party. I promptly found a couch that hadn't been cleaned since 1970 and snuggled right on into it for a nap. Sometimes I disgust myself.

***

Now, we need to take a time out here so that I can tell you about my tri-team. First of all, between my awesome office job and logisitcal issues with getting my bike to the park by 6:30 pm, I was unable to make any of their week day workouts (although I did go to most of the weekend workouts). Maybe if I had been more involved, I would have caught on to the enthusiasm. But this was not the case and I still do not get why we were having a graduation party before the race, why we had to shout and hug and come up with slogans and give eachother high fives. These people really and truly believed that the goal was to have fun ... and yes, this is about having So.Much.Fun and I obviously didn't expect to win, but isn't the fun in knowing that you gave something your all, left nothing on the course and did the best you could which turned out to be better than you ever, in your wildest dreams, thought it would be? Personally, if I wanted to go for a leisurely swim/bike/run I wouldn't travel (much less get up at 4 am) to do it ... but, I guess that is why I'm type A.

****

Anyway, we attended the tri party and, 17 hours before the race we began, we graduated. All I could really think about was that I probably had 10-15 hours of work to do before Monday morning so when the party was over we left and headed to the lovely Extended Stay America where I continued to disgust myself by actually staying there. I did some work, which turned out to be much more fun than a certain college football game that was on tv ... we went out to grab some dinner and at 11pm were in bed with the alarms set for 4am so that we could wake up and become triathletes ... despite my utter and complete exhaustion, I tossed. And turned. Thought about the bizarre amount of work I still had to complete. Wondered why on earth I was getting up at 4am to do a triathlon. And tossed. And turned some more ...

[In bed,] a wise man knows everything; a shrewd man, everyone.

Tonight's fortune:)

This Friday night has been so exciting ... I'm almost going to feel bad sharing. But I will ... later.

Oh boy am I an idiot.

It was all just drunken talk. I think I'll leave it at that. We're friends and we had a wonderful time together and ... to go into more detail would be to explain why I'm sad. And this is about having fun.

So I rode the exercise bike tonight and I'm going to run at some point tomorrow. And start looking into buying cars again. And find a race for after the one on Sunday - wondering if I can get ready for a half marathon in one month ...?

The internet boy called again - after much phone tag ... so maybe now that I'm staying on the East Coast I'll actually make an effort to see him?? Or maybe, since work wants to send me to Little Rock next week I'll find myself a Southern boy ... who knows?

Its been a long summer but fall is in the air so I'm going to go to bed and try to wake up and pretend that last weekend and my silliness didn't happen.

Good night.

Are a drunk man's words a sober man's thoughts?

Perhaps soon I'll know.

As promised, I spent the better part of my football game day with 2X. When we kissed it felt like coming home. We discussed rekindling and my moving to Chicago - and if he said the words sober I'd be on the phone with the head hunter in a second. Its only the second time in my life that I thought of doing something like that for someone else. We'll see. I haven't spoken to him since I left after our team won (yay!) and I headed up to Chicago while he stayed one more night in the college town. I just left him a message and if he doesn't call back I'll compose a witty email explaining that maybe we were meant to fall in love again three years later with more security and maturity ...?

And if he doesn't agree, maybe I'll move to Chicago anyway. It might be time for a change.

This is good because it made me realize the extent to which I was not happy with 1X. This is bad because it has made me miss 2X all over again and I thought I was done with that.
Of course, just being in NYC today was draining and so maybe that is contributing to my current missing of 2X ...

Not sure, but I'll keep you posted kids:)

Full Moon Tonight

I'm sort of in a funk - my thoughts and mood all over the place and I'm blaming it on the full moon!

After four and one half relaxing days in my favorite vacation destination I spent today at home before I leave for Chicago and football tomorrow. Vacation was fun - not great weather but good enough. Two open water swims, one day at the beach, too much to drink, just enough time with my friend's two children :) and lots of sleep, good food and conversation.

Lately there have been tons of articles about breast feeding (touting it as the best thing since sliced bread and stating that NOT breast feeding is akin to child abuse, um, give me a break) and how America is currently baby obsessed. I feel like I can't go one week without having to have a conversation about breast feeding and it kind of drives me crazy. Thankfully my friend with the two children that visited while we were on vacation is not nursing but she has decided to stay at home.

We spoke about baby obsession, nursing and stay at home moms a fair amount and I came back here for my in between day NOT WANTING TO GO BACK TO WORK ... but, I'll admit, my day at home was kind of boring. I slept in, finished my book, went swimming and bike riding and did a ton of laundry but ... yeah, not thrilling. I know that when you have kids its a whole different ball game and I think I'd have a hard time leaving them with a stranger at too young an age and I would definitely like to not HAVE to work but ... I don't think I could just sit home either.

Someone I work with gets ANGRY whenever she speaks to another woman who says she wants to stay at home after having kids - she says that women didn't fight all these years for this generation to revert to the 1950s. We talked about that this week on vacation and someone said smartly that no, they didn't work all those years so that this generation could revert to an earlier time - they worked all these years so that we could have a choice about how we spend our days and nights. That arguably obvious statement made me feel much better about the dilemma - which for me is very, very hypothetical but as the articles say, its sort of a societal obsession so even those who aren't dealing with the dilemma are forced to address it - if I have a child I don't have to spend my days bare foot in the kitchen with a baby on my boob but I also don't have to drop my month old baby at an anonymous day care and continue to work a million hours a day - I get to choose. Now, if only I could get better at making decisions.

***

I don't have tickets to the game this weekend and in light of the fact that tickets are going for $500-$600 each I'm not real confident about a nice old man giving me his extra ticket for face value (it has happened before, I did have to do an Irish jig for those tickets but I've probably done more for less:)). I started emailing some Chicago friends that I hadn't spoken to in awhile and who I thought would also be attending ticketless. My first attempt resulted in the following reply:

"Yes, I am going to the game with my girlfriend. Her name is Charlotte. She has a lead on tickets." To which I replied, "Like the web?" and shockingly got no response.

My next more successful email was to an ex-ex boyfriend (not HIM but the ex-bf before him - we'll call him 2X). 2X was happy to hear from me, claims that he is single and said he would keep me posted on tailgating/game watching plans. I would say that our email resulted in witty banter which is not suprising - I now have a 1X to direct my anger and neurosis towards and I did date 2X for almost a year and I did like him (at the time) ... he re-emailed today to confirm our (non)plan to speak on Saturday to figure out where/when to meet.

Mean while, the Chicago friend that I am staying with is working some ticket leads and thinks she found one where the fact that I am fun, single and pretty might win out over the hundred of guys clamoring and likely willing to pay tons of money for the ticket. In theory I should be looking forward to this ... a new single guy, a potentially historical football game. But, the thing is, I'd rather get drunk with 2X, engage in some harmless flirting and, depending on the degree of drunkenness, maybe some public making out. I want someone to make me feel pretty and wanted and with 2X I'd put the odds of that at 85-90%. With random football guy its one great big unknown.

So, I'm blaming it on the full moon

In other news:

SWIM: open water; 34 minutes; AvgHR 128; MaxHR 152

BIKE: 15 miles (ouch); 1:30ish; RUN: 2 miles; 20ish; AvgHR 139; MaxHR 168

OFF DAY

SWIM: open water; 30 minutes; BIKE: 4.6 miles; RUN: 1 mile; AvgHR 136; MaxHR 170

OFF DAY

SWIM: 1200 yds (800yds in 15 minutes); BIKE: 3 miles

Rain, rain go away ...

... come again another day, little K.Michele wants to play.

In the good old days when I was an only child rather than the oldest of three, Mom and I used to spend the summers in western NJ with my grandparents (with Dad joining on the weekends). Grandma used to recite that rhyme when the rain would keep us cooped up inside

Right now I'd change it to rain, rain STAY away, little K.Michele wants to get on her flight tonight. I'd rather be on the Island in the rain in a house than trapped in my apartment all weekend - either way though I think we'll be feeling the effect of hurricane Ernesto. Such an unpredictable time of year weather wise.

Work was slow today so I cut out for awhile and went to a spinning class followed by 1 mile on the treadmill - it was super humid in the spinning room so I was a sweaty mess and I must still be dehydrated (despite drinking a ton of water) because I am so tired and have so little energy ... I hope if I keep chugging water I'll feel better by the time the taxi gets here. Of course, since I can't bring water on the plane, I'll probably re-dehydrate!

Anyway:

SPIN: 10 miles(?); 45 minutes; AvgHR: 139; MaxHR: 167
RUN (treadmill): 1 mile; 10:26; AvgHR: 155; MaxHR: 168

And, despite the fact that I've currently sworn off men, I promised myself that I would email one person each week from that website (just because I had one bad experience doesn't mean I shouldn't try again, right?). This week's guy wrote back right away and then went radio silent for awhile. Today he sent his phone number and I called him (go me!) ... Conversation went well and we made loose plans to meet up next week. I figure nothing ventured nothing gained ... and as long as it fits in with So.Much.Fun. its all good:)